On learning to be.

Me again!

As I reach another crossroads in my life, one which was perhaps more spontaneous than I might have liked but exciting nonetheless, I have tried to carve out some time to do one of my favourite pastimes; reflect. 

Since about February of this year, I have spent one hour, once a month, speaking to a lady who has become my mentor. When I embarked on the mentoring journey, I never would have guessed how powerful it would be for me. We spent time getting to know one another via telephone, but of course, she would only know what I chose to share about me. She is completely outside of my situation, knows very little about where I'm from, my quirks, insecurities, sense of humour or working life. She has been delightfully blunt where I have needed it, and perhaps that is why it has been so transformative. 

My initial reason for seeking mentoring was hitting a rough patch at work, where I was (silently) having a confidence crisis. I felt like every mistake I made cancelled out every good thing I'd done and concluded that I was a terrible employee. I didn't want to stay in that place. Throughout our initial conversations, we set goals, with deadlines (I heart deadlines) and I set to work. Fast forward only a few months, I am soon to start a new job, with a fresh confidence, a greater understanding of my skill set, more motivation and a thankful heart. 

I didn't see any of this coming really, but when the opportunity arose, I knew I had to grab it with both hands. I soon start work with Time for God (TfG) and will get to fill my days visiting volunteers across the UK who come from all over the world to give a year of their lives to serve in all different contexts. I have had the most wonderful time in my current role, and feel so thankful for the opportunities it has afforded me and for the friends who have embraced me. There really hasn't been a day there where I haven't had a real laugh. I will miss it very much. 

To link back to the title, my most recent lesson from my mentor is one that is just so obvious but until someone who isn't you says it, you don't see it. I overcame my confidence crisis, learnt to manage stress and became more productive. But once conquered in this situation, given that we're so accustomed to living stressed-out lives, I just transferred it to my new situation. 'It's all new, I have so much to do before I start, how will I process saying goodbye, I'm not in a routine anymore, AHHHH.' Then I got asked a great question; why? Why was I getting so stressed out; I couldn't answer. My planning nature once again got a hold of me, along with the perfectionist of wanting it all to be done in record time, but for no good reason. I have been reminded to enjoy the moment. Soak up the final few days with colleagues I have loved working with, celebrating what has been achieved there and slowly preparing to transition into the new. To be present, fully, in the now and to switch off my worries about the next step. It's all sat there waiting for me. Why be stressed about it?  

If anything here resonates, I would strongly recommend finding a mentor figure. Accountability is so powerful. I have used this to focus on my working life, but it has naturally crossed over into my personal life and it has been my favourite decision this year. If you are interested, I used The Aspire Foundation, recommended to me by a colleague/friend which is an initiative for women. I'm sure there are other organisations which also cater for men. 

This, of course, is a daily battle and one which I want to bring to the forefront of my mind. To grapple with stressed out thoughts, to stop and take a minute, to meditate in a way that relaxes me and to learn to let go if things don't work out how I wanted them to. As I look back on this time, I can see how I've grown, through inward transformation, and I'm hopeful that I can take all these great lessons forward with me. Here goes nothing...!

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