Zachary Arthur joined our family just a few hours after his due date in January. This whole pregnancy seemed to fly by, I think mainly because I worked (part-time) right up until I was due, whilst running around after a very busy toddler and nesting for our new arrival. I feel so grateful that this pregnancy went so smoothly, and although it was a lot more tiring and I had a lot of pelvic discomfort, it went pretty much without a hitch. This time around I had decided against induction as I was determined to do it on my own terms. That did last until just before 40 weeks and I'd turned down induction but then I changed my mind and tried to book it but wasn't allowed until I'd hit 41 weeks as the policy had changed! That spurred me on to help my body begin labour naturally and I can't be sure what helped the most, or if it was a mix of things, but I did enter the early stages of labour on the Sunday before Zach arrived at 6am on the Tuesday.
It was so strange because I woke up on the Sunday morning and decided we should all go for brunch at a new cafe that we'd been talking about because I didn't think we'd get the chance again. Right as I was getting dressed, I realised that perhaps labour had started so we went straight out before it was too late! Later that evening I did start getting contractions, but they were too far apart for me to go to the hospital. I felt so disappointed that whole day, but as I had childcare, I just did everything I could to get things going. I took a long walk, sat on my pregnancy ball, did the 'miles circuit,' and took a bath. It was after my bath that the contractions came back and started getting stronger. We quickly sorted the house to get the sofa ready for our helpers in case we were told to go the hospital. The timings were still a bit hit and miss, so we decided to go to bed, but it was part way through watching a comedy show on TV that I realised they were getting more painful and closer together. We phoned the hospital and they told us to head up as we are about a 40 minute drive away. My hospital bags were already in the car, so we waited for our help to arrive, I put on my TENS machine (absolute saviour for both labours!) and then we hit the road. I did get really nervous on the way because they seemed to get less frequent and I didn't want to get turned away as I was so ready to have him.
We were admitted to the 'Emergency Obstetrics Unit' where I was examined and it turned out I was already at 5cm, so we were going home with a baby! The hospital did admit that they messed up again (this happened with my first birth) because nobody had talked through my birthing plan with me, so it all had to be done there and then. We were offered the Home from Home ward again (this is limited on pain relief and is for low risk births) or the labour ward. As I wanted to have another water birth, I said I would do the labour ward if I could have the pool. Thankfully it was available so we moved up to our private room and they got the pool ready. The whole experience was so different this time around. I think because we had 3 midwives with us the whole time who were asking me questions, updating me, encouraging me and supporting me. They also let me have a cup of tea during labour! I decided not to have the IV inserted because it wasn't mandatory and I only had gas and air as my pain relief the whole time. This is mainly because I don't like how any of the other pain relief is administered (I'm not a big fan of anything medical, so pregnancy and birth has really tested that!) and during my first labour I did have a morphine shot towards the end but I think it was too late to do anything anyway! I spent most of the time in the pool, taking a break to have my waters broken (this speeds things up). I vividly remember having a contraction and saying to T that I couldn't do it anymore because I was in so much pain, but I have learnt since that this is very common and is usually a sign that baby is going to arrive in a few pushes. This time around I listened to my body so much more and waited until it told me to push. After 6 hours in stage 1 labour and a cool 5 minutes (!!) of pushing in the 2nd stage, Zach arrived into my arms. He was a bit shocked, so he had to receive some immediate care in the room which was unnerving for us, but when we heard his cry we knew he was ok.
Zach and I stayed in overnight in our own little room, which meant we could be checked on regularly and I could get some rest. Although, I would say I slept no more than a couple of hours because we were constantly interrupted by different people so I was absolutely exhausted. Thankfully T dropped off my laptop so I could watch Friends! We were able to come home the next evening after getting signed off and the midwives were arranged to come to our house the next morning. We headed home to begin our life as a family of four...
Finn has adapted incredibly well to our new noisy addition. The first thing he says to me every morning is "Zachy?" and it melts me. He loves tapping his head or helping put his dummy in. His routine has remained the same, and I think this has helped him adjust to us sharing our attention with two of them. I am so proud of how much he takes everything in his stride! The first few weeks for us were very challening as Zach fed so much and sleep was fairly non-existent. I think for me the broken sleep is the killer, so we had to keep taking it in turns to settle Zach at night and either sleep on the sofa or bring him up in the early hours of the morning. I think we are now taking a really positive turn as Zach is taking bigger feeds which is helping him settle so much more. He is happy sleeping in his next-to-me and loves having white noise on in the background. He also loves being in the bath, so we will soon increase that to be part of his daily routine to encourage him to get some really good rest.
As I mentioned at the beginning, I have been so all consumed by motherhood and running our home that I have totally neglected myself. This can only go on for so long before you hit burnout, and I think in the last week or so that's where I ended up. T and I have had long conversations about what I need and how he can support me to get that. I think my biggest struggle is switching off whilst I'm at home, so we agreed that what I need to do is take some time, even a few hours a week, to get out of the house and go for a beach walk, visit the shops (just for fun, not for errands!), to see or call a friend, to sit in a coffee shop, to read somewhere or even just go for a drive. He encouraged me to go out yesterday for a couple of hours and it was amazing how much difference it made for me. I had a lovely long paddle in the sea and it just brought me back to earth and gave me space to think. I reminded myself that I can't pour from an empty cup. I also need to remember not to 'sweat the small stuff,' and when I do slow down and reflect back, I can see that we have done our very best and we are doing a good job. Our boys are so happy and any time I see their beautiful smiles, it's all the encouragement I need.
My plan for the next few weeks is to take each day as it comes and to make the very most of this precious time I have with my boys before I return to work. It hit me yesterday that I won't get this time back again, so I want to soak every last minute of it up, even though some days are hard! I need to be much, much kinder to myself and focus more on the positives. I also need to slow down and let myself take a break when I need it. I want to find some space to do something creative and perhaps find a new hobby outside the house. I want to pick my blog back up a bit more as it is so theraputic for me to write, and I'm enjoying having more time to cook/bake and try out new recipes/meal plans for us. We recently got a new dining table as we haven't really sat together as a family for while and I love getting that ready for us to enjoy evening meals together. It always helps reconnect us as it's such a special time away from screens to sit and catch up with each other. I feel so incredibly grateful for my little family, and for all the support in various forms from family and friends both nearby and afar. We could not have got through this huge change on our own and our boys are so lucky to have them in their 'village.'
As I conclude this post...I would love any of your TV/Movie/YouTube/Podcast/Hobby/Book or Audiobook recommendations to help me switch off!
Much love,
S x