Back in high school, in a moment of madness, I decided to study art. I am by no stretch of the imagination an artist, and am certainly average at best but have always admired those that do have the gift. One of the people who grabbed my attention during my studies was Salvador Dalí. To some, he was simply a bit crackers but I think he was quite the genius. I was lucky enough to visit one of his galleries in St Petersburg, Florida. One of the paintings I saw there, is one I often refer to when I realise once again, that I’ve gone way too far into my own head and need to regain some perspective.
This painting, struck me more than any I’ve ever seen. The approximate size of this piece is 250cm x 190cm (according to the website) which might give a good idea of the scale we’re talking about. The detail up close, is nothing short of incredible. And then, you step back 20 metres. Suddenly, the picture transforms into something else and reveals a portrait of Abraham Lincoln. It is crazy.
What does this have to do with life? Well, I am Sarah and I am a serial over-thinker. I love personal reflection, I am a true introvert and will usually be found in a coffee shop trying desperately to find space and make sense of everything I’ve seen. It’s also why I write, as a means of getting at least some of the things rattling around in my very busy mind onto paper. But sometimes, this can be a dangerous practice.
Mix three new starts in two years, and I mean full new starts; moving house, area, job, or even country - and the results are somewhat overwhelming. You learn so much about yourself when you are pushed out of your comfort zone. Just when you think you really know who you are, you’re thrown into a fresh set of circumstances and you simply have to adapt. You begin to see things you didn’t know about you. You carry that forward into your next stage, and you find yourself trying to show a whole new bunch of people who you are and what you’re about. Well, I’ve done that so many times in my relatively short number of years that all of a sudden, I couldn’t really remember who I was. I can articulate who I am, my core values - but who am I after all those ‘things’ I’ve just experienced? All the new things, heartbreaking things in some cases, that I’ve seen? After meeting all those people who’ve impacted my life, loved me, challenged me, hurt me, betrayed me or misunderstood me? What is my role in this new place, where do I fit, who will my true friends be, where should I put my roots? Who am I now?
The challenge for me has been this - how will these new people love me, when I feel like such a hot mess? Can’t I just hide the behind the scenes and show them the best bits, once I’ve dealt with it all myself? The biggest battle can often be when we feel as though we aren’t our best selves, and the fear that follows of how we are perceived. What will they think of me, what if they think I’m always this negative? Should I be less this, more that? No. You should be who you are, and so should I. We are human beings (in case you didn’t know). We have good days, we have bad days. Some days we need to receive grace, some days we need to give grace. We are called to love one another through the good, the bad and the ugly. Does that mean we only deserve love when we are rainbows and butterflies? Heck, no.
This, is the beauty of community. I will never stop talking about community, because I believe to my very core that we were born with a desire for it. A yearning to know that we belong, that someone understands us, that we have acceptance, friends, people we can depend on and a place to gain perspective. When I get too wrapped up in my head - what makes me step back 20 metres to see a different picture entirely is community. Those that can tell me what they see when they look at me. Those that listen, advice, counsel, snap me out of it - and promise to journey through it all with me. But the real joy comes after this. That once they’ve pulled me out of the darkness and back into the light, I am closer to being restored and can offer this in return. We need each other. We need to be for each other, however ugly we might feel in ourselves - we deserve each other. However many times we need to be reminded of it, we are each so worth loving.
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So here is my prayer. That we wont be afraid to show our mess and not just our message. That we can be real, and raw and unapologetically ourselves. That we can do this together, sharing and showing one another grace that we were so undeservedly given. That we would accept who we are, and know that we are loved unconditionally in whatever stage we are at; the good, the bad or the ugly.
