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Something triggered in me last year that made me tired of hearing those words. I didn't want that reputation anymore, that feeling of running myself ragged and filling every possible moment with purpose, purpose and more purpose. And for what? I started to crave something different, to use my time better and to add in some time for intentional rest.
I can't really say when it began, but I thought about one thing I could add in that was purely for my own enjoyment. So I decided to sign up for a Cineworld card. Oh, how I loved that card. I could go to the cinema any time I wanted, see any film multiple times and didn't have to pay anything extra. I started going once, sometimes twice a week for some 'me only' time to get lost in the moment. I saw some absolutely awful films that I am so glad I didn't pay £10 for (the card was less than £20 per month) and others which moved me so much that it took me days to snap out of it. It was simple, but it was a start. Around the same time, once I'd become settled in my Church I had made a very conscious decision not to over-commit. I said yes to singing in the band and being in a small group but not much more than that. Those were my things that I felt able to give to well, without tiring myself out and doing things because I felt obligated.
Once I started my new job, I really had to keep a hold of what I'd already put in place. The latter part of my year involves lots of conferences and travel, so it is tricky to maintain any kind of balance. In many ways, life now is much 'busier' than it has ever been and yet I feel (generally!) more at peace than ever. I have changed the way I look at my time, I think carefully about what I say yes to and ensure that rest is in there somewhere. Of course, I don't get it right all the time but I have been so aware that I am the only person responsible for how I use my time, and no-one else is to blame for my burnout. Learning about healthy boundaries and adding them to my life has been such a game-changer. For the first time, I feel like I can speak to subjects such as boundaries and self-care from a place of integrity, knowing this is something I am trying to do as I learn to love and care for myself as well as others.
Speaking from a Christian perspective, there are so many demands upon us. We are undoubtedly called to be active people; looking out for lost, hurting, suffering people. Acting out against injustice. So much needs to be done, we cannot ignore it. We feel these pulls and calls from our Church and all the things we 'should' be a part of, things we 'ought' to volunteer for and whilst those things are not bad, and I don't doubt that we must be active within our community - I really believe we have to rethink some things.
Burn-out is too high amongst our leaders. They are too stretched and cannot possibly live up to the unrealistic expectations put upon them. They are human beings with their own lives - we must get better at trusting them to use their time in the way that they feel is wisest.
Though it's all well and good me saying that I only say 'yes' to one thing, that leaves others picking up the slack. But if we all played our small part, the thing that gives us life too, it wouldn't all fall to the few and I'd bet that we'd be a little happier in our service, leading in turn to us being a more efficient body. One person cannot possibly be the equivalent of 30 body parts.
"God is more concerned with our hearts than he is with our outward compliance...We must always say yes out of a heart of love. When our motive is fear, we love not." (Cloud & Townsend)
We are free to say no and we shouldn't we feel the need to justify that. Nor should we feel manipulated into saying yes. I think it's really important that we consider why we feel we have committed to something. Are we doing it out of guilt - what if no-one else steps up? Out of fear - how will they react if I say no? Obligation - they'll expect me to do it? Reputation - what will they think of me? Worth - what am I without my actions/service? Fear?
These are important conversations, and ones I feel like we really need to be having more - especially for leaders. It is up to us as individuals to decide what we do with the precious lot we have been given and we shouldn't feel guilty for allowing space to take care of ourselves. I absolutely believe in giving our time to serve and support others and I have tried to prioritise that throughout my life. Volunteering is very important to me and I think it's something we can all make space for, even if it's a teeny commitment. An hour a month can change someone's life.
"Wisdom makes decisions today that will still be good tomorrow." Lysa Terkuerst
You are passionate about specific things for a reason - go do something with it! And if you are involved in too much - take something out! Think of something you can add in for you! When I am able to be routined (as in physically in one place for the bulk of the week) I am quite strict with my time. I try to make sure I exercise, cook healthy food, read, rest, see friends & family, host, travel and have quiet nights on the sofa. My work is my ministry and I have to manage that well so it doesn't take over my life. We can't give from empty - that just brings all sorts of resentment. I've tried to view my time in the same way as I view my financial budgets - what could be the impact later down the line if I say yes to this? What will I have to sacrifice next month if I do this now? Do I have the reserves to be involved in this? Is it going to be better for me later this week if I just stay in tonight? [Some people say I think too much, I disagree. Not really...I'm working on it 😉]
Below are a few books that have really inspired my thoughts and actions around this subject. My hope is that we will become less 'busy' and frantic in our mind sets, but instead we manage our time wisely so that we are able to give well to the things that are meaningful and life giving for us.
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| Boundaries |
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| The Best Yes |
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| Present Over Perfect |
Love,
S x