Well, I can't believe this is it! After seven wonderful and often challenging months, it is time to say goodbye to our German friends. When I came to be an intern here, I had no idea what I was signing up for. I knew very little about Delaware, the organisation or the people I was about to spend the next few months living and working alongside. I certainly didn't anticipate how close we would grow and how much of a family we would become.
It was such an extreme for me to go from living with all girls in my University years to all guys when I came here. I can't even begin to tell you how much I have learnt about the male species in such a short time! Though at times I did miss female company, I have to say I wouldn't change it. It will be so strange not to be picked on constantly or to finish last in whatever activity it is we're doing because I'm the only non-competitive one. We have had so much laughter along with the tears (mainly from me!!) and I am extremely sad to see this chapter end.
After our summer camp was finished, we took a retreat with Urban Promise and I think for me, that is when I began to process everything. It hit me, finally, in the van ride home from beautiful Cape Henlopen, that this is actually my life now. I kept thinking, when the guys leave, it will all get serious and life will go back to normal. But as I looked around me at all the people I get to do life with, I don't think it really will be normal! Though I have found the past few weeks incredibly tough, I came out of it still with a smile on my face and a lot of that is to do with the amazing people surrounding me who never stopped supporting, loving and encouraging me to push through the next day.
Ministry is an emotional place (especially for me!) and leadership can often become lonely but if I learnt anything this summer, it is that I was not made to do any of this on my own. I got to see all the gifts that had been placed in others around me, which I had the joy of encouraging to bloom throughout camp and beyond. As I watched my team, I began to realise that I couldn't do the job they were doing, I was not designed for it. For a time, and not with a jealous or insecure heart, I started to think I really didn't have many gifts at all, not compared to them. I often feel like I have good intentions, like when I cook something special for someone and use the wrong ingredient and it fails. Or when I spend hours planning lessons for kids filled with crafts and wonderful ideas and they just won't listen. The thought was there, but I never quite pull it off. Maybe that's how i'm destined to be, content with knowing that I've offered whatever I've gone into, however small it is, everything I have.
Though I feel right now like I'm losing my closest friends and can't imagine how life or this ministry will look without them, I still have the comfort of knowing that I have been called here for a purpose and that, I have never doubted. Whatever my team looks like, these children need to be loved and that will not change. In all honesty, I am slightly fearful of the future, perhaps for the first time in my life, as I realise how far from home I really am. But I am also excited and often overwhelmed by the possibilities of where we will go from here. It is strange to experience saying goodbye, knowing that I will be staying behind, but it gives me very a important perspective and huge gratitude for my family and friends who watched me step on the plane to come here in the first place. Without your continued love and support, there is no way I could be here doing what I am doing, however much we miss each other every day.
I can look back on this roller coaster ride of a year with a truly thankful heart. I have made friends who are as brothers and can't wait to see where they will be led in the future. Their departure is giving my tear ducts a bit of a beating but I am so glad they have learnt to deal with an overly emotional female - I do love to educate. It has been such a fun and adventurous chapter and now it is already time to start another one!
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