On preparing for change.

And just like that, our first Christmas as a 'three' has come and gone. Plus, my first birthday as a mummy! We had a wonderful, albeit busy, time with family visiting from England and it was special to celebrate it together as it was the first Christmas without our Gran. We have already taken down the decorations so we can spend the next few days quietly resting. Which is now more important than it was a few days ago as we have both been struck with whatever virus is going round & we are trying to protect the baby from catching any form of it. As we look ahead to a new year, I always like to take time out to reflect and to think about what is to come, so this seemed like the perfect time to do that. 

For us, 2022 was the year that gave and took away. We found out early on that I was pregnant so that of course changed the trajectory of everything. I remember sitting down the first week of January getting so organised, writing goals |& thinking of what I wanted to achieve, only to throw them out the window two weeks later. From then, I ended up having to change my job unexpectedly in March which was a huge cause of stress, followed by our landlord sending us a WhatsApp message (!) to say she was selling the house right after we had confirmed that we were going to stay another year. With 3 major things happening at once, it felt like everything was up in the air & I didn't know how we'd get through it. Thankfully, by the time we had our first scans and follow ups, we knew everything was fine with the baby, I settled in to my two new part-time jobs and we moved to a house much more suitable to welcome a newborn. 

The stress began to subside slightly once we had finally unpacked & settled into the house & we had our next scan to find out the gender. In the summer, we were able to travel back to England to catch-up with everyone & to have my baby shower. It was such a special time for Tom to finally be able to meet more of my family and friends & sadly it would be the last time I was able to see Gran in person. We were visiting during a heatwave, so being quite pregnant in 30+ degree heat was not an easy experience & we were pretty glad to get back to a much cooler NI! That was really our only break all year so we hope next year to be able to plan a little holiday as paternity leave did not count as rest!

As I wrote recently, Finn arrived 12 days late but he was perfect nonetheless. Since then, we have been enjoying parenthood & watching him grow & change every day. We got through his first vaccinations which I found harder than he did & his next ones are around the corner. We also had a surprise visit to A&E with him due to a high temperature but thankfully everything was fine & he handled it like a champ! Just a few weeks ago, after her quite rapid decline, we lost Gran. Navigating that loss from a distance, whilst juggling the highs & lows of motherhood & ever-changing hormones has been very challenging for me. It has been so many juxtaposing emotions at once. Such a picture of the realities of life. 

Change is on the horizon again, so I thought now would be the perfect time for me to switch off social media for a while & focus on the here & now. In a couple of weeks, I will be returning to one of my jobs, which admittedly is much sooner than I would've imagined, but it is something I have to do. I am very grateful that my employers are being so accommodating & flexible. It also gives me motivation to focus on establishing a routine with Finn & getting him used to spending time with other people. I've also signed us up to a couple of classes to join together which I think will be good for both of us. We will do everything we can to make our new routine work for us - but the stress of finances is something we don't want hanging over us any more - so as a family we are working hard to eliviate some of that. 

One of the major things I learnt about myself after having Finn was how much I love being home & making it a space that is comforting for us all & is somewhere we can thrive & feel safe. Due to that, we have decided in the new year to rearrange the house to make it more functional for all of us. I am spending time looking for furniture & paint colours that will help us create a small home office & make our spare bedroom into Finn's bedroom for when he moves into his bigger bed in a few months. This will also free up some space in our living room to make it more suitable for guests & give more room for Finn to move about in. He is growing so quickly & I really want to spend time organising his clothes & toys so it feels a bit less haphazard. We have nowhere near enough storage for all the beautiful gifts he was showered with this Christmas! I'm excited for a project to focus on, I think it will be a positive way to start the new year!

Overall, 2022 had some high highs and some low lows but as always, we come out stronger because of it. We have the excitement of watching our boy grow, learn & experience new things & the things we have been through together have brought us so much closer together as a family unit. I couldn't be more grateful to have the support that I do & to have a partner who encourages, listens, communicates, cares & loves as well as he does. Our time together is the most precious thing in the world to me right now & we will strive to find a balance that works for us this year. 

Wishing you all a very Happy New Year. Sending peace & love x

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On settling somewhere new.

Now feels like as good a time as ever to return to the blog. After what has been a somewhat tumultuous year, I am returning to my old favourite ways to rediscover my peace and writing has always been one of those. 

It is very hard to believe that it has been 1 year, 8 months, 2 weeks and 4 days (to be exact) since I moved to Northern Ireland. I had no idea what was awaiting me as I sat in my trusty old Nissan Note waiting for the ferry to pull into the dock. For a very brief moment, I looked behind me at my suitcases and then ahead of me to the sea and realised there was no going back. Thus far, I don't regret it for one second!

The first few months were hard as I readjusted as everything was new and unfamiliar. I had a long commute, a new job, new colleagues, a couple of friends scattered about the country, a new house and  housemates and a new culture to get used to. I had many a headache and felt quite exhausted! But things quickly began to feel like home as I got used to my new rhythm. My new colleagues and housemates were unfailingly kind and welcoming and I didn't feel under any external pressure to get it all right straight away, which helped immensly! 

As I look back now on what really drew me to another big move on my own - it was that I had spent many years as a sojourner - popping in and out of people's lives, being on trains and planes, sleeping in hotel rooms and saying yes to many great travel adventures, but what I was craving was stability and rootedness. I had decided this was a good time to focus on dating, in the hope that I might meet someone who I could spend my days with. I did this through online dating, which I had quietly done on and off over the years but nothing had ever really come of it. In November 2019, around 8 months after moving, I decided to give it one last shot (as online dating can be very emotionally draining) and arranged to meet a guy for a walk in my favourite local spot. 

I could tell as we were walking around Mount Stewart that something was different about this guy. I remember feeling so comfortable and safe and although I did most of the talking, that didn't seem to put him off. As the sun started to set, Tom insisted on walking me back to my car and date two was quickly arranged. Before Tom, my best date record was three dates so once we went past that, it was unchartered territory for me! I loved those early days of getting to know him and getting more relaxed around each other. I kept it fairly quiet as I was enjoying the bubble we were in but we finally had our first picture together and told everyone after 5 months of dating! 

In January 2020, I was busy preparing for the 'dream' trip I'd booked a year in advance which involved flying to Jamaica to spend a week on the beach listening to my beloved favourite Band of Brothers - Hanson. Looking back now, I was extremely lucky that this trip went ahead without a hitch as the Coronavirus pandemic was only just beginning. It was a week of pure bliss, music I love and a serious amount of laughter. This trip felt a little different as I travelled alone (as I am accustomed) but distinctly remember sitting in Philadephia airport about to board my flight to Jamaica feeling a little queezy about being so far from home. The journey back was long and storm-filled so I was very, very grateful to have my feet back on solid ground! 

 

Following the holiday, I started to look for my own apartment as I felt ready to have my own space and had more of an idea of where I'd like to settle on a more longterm basis. I came across a sweet little place (with a guest room!) and put an application in. It felt like a long wait at the time but in the end it did all happen relatively quickly. As the pandemic started to take effect, we sped up the process of me collecting the keys. I will never forget that Monday - I packed up my car and did 3 drives back and forth to get all my belongings and dragged them up the stairs single handedly. That night, Tom & I toasted to the new beginning and we turned on the news to see the PM declare the start of the first three week lockdown. There I was, about to live on my own for the first time in a new place where I didn't know anyone and had just started working from home so I'd lost the majority of the social time I had. In the end, I wasn't alone for long as I gained a new roommate in Tom, who absolutely saved the day for me. 

Many cancelled plans, unknowns, new lockdowns and changes followed so I began to look forward to the festive season as much as I could. I knew I was going to spend it in Northern Ireland and couldn't wait to decorate the apartment, which I did sometime in November. I loved getting cosied up and practising the art of 'hygge' which I'm sure I've written about before! It was a special time for Tom & I - our first full Christmas together - and it was just perfect. We also celebrated my milestone birthday this week which I have only been dreading since I turned 29. But as I pause to write this, I realised that despite feeling a bit nervous about starting a new decade, I have never been so grateful for everything I have in my whole life. Gratitude is a daily practice of mine. I took a risk when I decided to start this chapter and I could never have dreamt the way it has all worked out, especially with the world as it is right now. 

I have heard many people describe 2020 as the year they want to forget but for me, it will always be one that I will treasure. I fell in love with my new best friend who has been the biggest support for me in every way he possibly could be. I have been welcomed into his wonderful family. We were able to celebrate birthdays, our first holiday together, our first anniversary and our first holiday season. Of course, I have missed my friends and family dearly and that has been harder than I can describe - which has added to this being a year of emotional highs and lows. We do what we can now to be safe so that we can spend time together again when it is right to do so. We live in the hope that one day we can be reunited - and how special will that be! As the new year begins, I won't be doing my usual 'resolutions' or expecting too much from myself but will continue to take each day as it comes; finding the joy in the small things, being grateful for what I have, sharing what I can and enjoying the beauty of the place I now very much call home.

Love, S x

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The mess behind the message

Back in high school, in a moment of madness, I decided to study art. I am by no stretch of the imagination an artist, and am certainly average at best but have always admired those that  do have the gift. One of the people who grabbed my attention during my studies was Salvador Dalí. To some, he was simply a bit crackers but I think he was quite the genius. I was lucky enough to visit one of his galleries in St Petersburg, Florida. One of the paintings I saw there, is one I often refer to when I realise once again, that I’ve gone way too far into my own head and need to regain some perspective.  

http://thedali.org/exhibit/gala-contemplating-mediterranean-sea/

This painting, struck me more than any I’ve ever seen. The approximate size of this piece is 250cm x 190cm (according to the website) which might give a good idea of the scale we’re talking about. The detail up close, is nothing short of incredible. And then, you step back 20 metres. Suddenly, the picture transforms into something else and reveals a portrait of Abraham Lincoln. It is crazy. 

What does this have to do with life? Well, I am Sarah and I am a serial over-thinker. I love personal reflection, I am a true introvert and will usually be found in a coffee shop trying desperately to find space and make sense of everything I’ve seen. It’s also why I write, as a means of getting at least some of the things rattling around in my very busy mind onto paper. But sometimes, this can be a dangerous practice. 

Mix three new starts in two years, and I mean full new starts; moving house, area, job, or even country - and the results are somewhat overwhelming. You learn so much about yourself when you are pushed out of your comfort zone. Just when you think you really know who you are, you’re thrown into a fresh set of circumstances and you simply have to adapt. You begin to see things you didn’t know about you. You carry that forward into your next stage, and you find yourself trying to show a whole new bunch of people who you are and what you’re about. Well, I’ve done that so many times in my relatively short number of years that all of a sudden, I couldn’t really remember who I was. I can articulate who I am, my core values - but who am I after all those ‘things’ I’ve just experienced? All the new things, heartbreaking things in some cases, that I’ve seen? After meeting all those people who’ve impacted my life, loved me, challenged me, hurt me, betrayed me or misunderstood me? What is my role in this new place, where do I fit, who will my true friends be, where should I put my roots? Who am I now? 

The challenge for me has been this - how will these new people love me, when I feel like such a hot mess? Can’t I just hide the behind the scenes and show them the best bits, once I’ve dealt with it all myself? The biggest battle can often be when we feel as though we aren’t our best selves, and the fear that follows of how we are perceived. What will they think of me, what if they think I’m always this negative? Should I be less this, more that? No. You should be who you are, and so should I. We are human beings (in case you didn’t know). We have good days, we have bad days. Some days we need to receive grace, some days we need to give grace. We are called to love one another through the good, the bad and the ugly. Does that mean we only deserve love when we are rainbows and butterflies?  Heck, no. 

This, is the beauty of community. I will never stop talking about community, because I believe to my very core that we were born with a desire for it. A yearning to know that we belong, that someone understands us, that we have acceptance, friends, people we can depend on and a place to gain perspective. When I get too wrapped up in my head - what makes me step back 20 metres to see a different picture entirely is community. Those that can tell me what they see when they look at me. Those that listen, advice, counsel, snap me out of it - and promise to journey through it all with me. But the real joy comes after this. That once they’ve pulled me out of the darkness and back into the light, I am closer to being restored and can offer this in return. We need each other. We need to be for each other, however ugly we might feel in ourselves - we deserve each other. However many times we need to be reminded of it, we are each so worth loving. 

http://soworthloving.tumblr.com/page/2

So here is my prayer. That we wont be afraid to show our mess and not just our message. That we can be real, and raw and unapologetically ourselves. That we can do this together, sharing  and showing one another grace that we were so undeservedly given. That we would accept who we are, and know that we are loved unconditionally in whatever stage we are at; the good, the bad or the ugly. 

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Your Best Yes.

“Saying yes all the time won’t make me wonder woman, it will make me a worn-out woman.” Lysa Terkuerst I have just finished reading a book called 'The Best Yes' by Lysa Terkuerst. I loved every word of it. I have to say, it felt good to actually find time again to sit down and read a book, so the fact that it offered some pretty transformational stuff was a real bonus! It was packed to the rafters with simple truths that so many of us have forgotten in and amongst the busyness of our lives. 
As I settle in to a new routine, I have really started to process all the things I learnt in my time in America. One of the things I was not very good at over there was saying 'no.' I love to serve, love to make things happen and love to be on the move but this soon led me to disaster. Overwhelmed by all the things I could be doing, the people I could be helping, the meals I could be preparing, I soon forgot how to take care of myself. Many of the yes's I said were good but they were rarely directed at myself. I soon became so consumed by all the yes's I could be saying for others that I was unable to sleep properly, to control my tears and to switch off and prioritise rest. In the end, I had utterly lost myself. 
As Christians, we are called to some quite simple but highly important actions:

Jesus said, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’ This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ These two commands are pegs; everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them.”

Matthew 22:37-40
How can we love others, if we don't know how to love ourselves? How do we find others important, if we don't believe we ourselves are important? How to we truly take care of others, if we don't know how to care for ourselves? The more we see of the world, the more we see how hurting and broken it is. Truthfully, there will always be something that we could be doing to serve someone else. But if in the midst of our service, we are neglecting ourselves - we have missed the mark. I cannot be all, see all, hear all and do all. I cannot give out of an empty store. If I allow my mind to be constantly filled with the needs of others, my own needs soon escape and they go on ignored. If I am trying to help someone else and make them feel important, but do not see myself as important, how effective can I really be? 
I am not much of a social networker these days, but I do daily check my beloved Instagram. I follow an organisation called 'So Worth Loving' who post so many little inspirations. Here's a good un I read the other day:

‘“Surround yourself with people who build you up and inspire you not to give up” - Concious magazine. Loving people comes as you learn to love yourself. Community can be your safe escape. When you don’t have it in you to love on yourself you can lean into the people around you to lift you up. Let the way they love you bring hope that you will get through. With community, there is hope.’

Sometimes, when we have neglected ourselves for so long, there is a point at which we break and recognise the need for change. It isn't easy. In order to push through, we need each other, we need friends who love us and care for us to help bind back together our broken hearts. One thing I realised in the US was that however much people complimented me, encouraged me and built me up - it never felt like enough. In my mind, I was constantly thinking; 'but I could've done that better,' 'but I shouldn't have said that,' 'there is more I could be doing.' I didn't allow myself to accept the kindness being offered because I didn't think I deserved it. I was 'just doing my job.' But now I am on a new journey. 

Saying no is not easy. Trying to prioritise myself feels extremely unnatural. Listening to myself and what I need feels odd. But I cannot live a life without such boundaries without burning out and becoming useful to no-one. For the first time, I am not rushing myself through this season but allowing my heart and head the time it needs to heal, hear and feel truth. The biggest lesson I have taken from the aforementioned book is that I can say 100 yes's to all sorts of seemingly wonderful things- but in doing that, I could be saying one big fat no to something that could've been the best thing for me. If I sign up to 10 different great things; serving at Church, volunteering at a Charity, getting back into youth ministry, taking on extra things at work - then I stretch myself so far that I cannot do them all well. However, if I sit - weigh up decisions, see if it fits in my schedule, check how much time I can dedicate to it, how well I can do it then that could be one, huge best yes that truly benefits everyone. 

Boundaries are so healthy and we all need not only to have them in our lives but also protect them. Right now, I am in a time of rebuilding and strengthening. I don't have much energy or strength to take on much more than I have. I am at peace with that. I owe myself this time and am so thankful that I have such close friends who are picking me up, loving me and pouring in to me. I do not have to justify my decisions to anyone on earth and to me, that feels like freedom! Today, I need to be in the comfort of my safety zone and though I won't stay there forever - it's the only place I can focus on right now.

‘Every day we make choices. Then our choices make us.’

Lysa Terkuerst. 

What choices can you make today that will give you a better tomorrow?

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So long, farewell, Auf Wiedersehen...

Well, I can't believe this is it! After seven wonderful and often challenging months, it is time to say goodbye to our German friends. When I came to be an intern here, I had no idea what I was signing up for. I knew very little about Delaware, the organisation or the people I was about to spend the next few months living and working alongside. I certainly didn't anticipate how close we would grow and how much of a family we would become.

It was such an extreme for me to go from living with all girls in my University years to all guys when I came here. I can't even begin to tell you how much I have learnt about the male species in such a short time! Though at times I did miss female company, I have to say I wouldn't change it. It will be so strange not to be picked on constantly or to finish last in whatever activity it is we're doing because I'm the only non-competitive one. We have had so much laughter along with the tears (mainly from me!!) and I am extremely sad to see this chapter end.

After our summer camp was finished, we took a retreat with Urban Promise and I think for me, that is when I began to process everything. It hit me, finally, in the van ride home from beautiful Cape Henlopen, that this is actually my life now. I kept thinking, when the guys leave, it will all get serious and life will go back to normal. But as I looked around me at all the people I get to do life with, I don't think it really will be normal! Though I have found the past few weeks incredibly tough, I came out of it still with a smile on my face and a lot of that is to do with the amazing people surrounding me who never stopped supporting, loving and encouraging me to push through the next day.

Ministry is an emotional place (especially for me!) and leadership can often become lonely but if I learnt anything this summer, it is that I was not made to do any of this on my own. I got to see all the gifts that had been placed in others around me, which I had the joy of encouraging to bloom throughout camp and beyond. As I watched my team, I began to realise that I couldn't do the job they were doing, I was not designed for it. For a time, and not with a jealous or insecure heart, I started to think I really didn't have many gifts at all, not compared to them. I often feel like I have good intentions, like when I cook something special for someone and use the wrong ingredient and it fails. Or when I spend hours planning lessons for kids filled with crafts and wonderful ideas and they just won't listen. The thought was there, but I never quite pull it off. Maybe that's how i'm destined to be, content with knowing that I've offered whatever I've gone into, however small it is, everything I have.

Though I feel right now like I'm losing my closest friends and can't imagine how life or this ministry will look without them, I still have the comfort of knowing that I have been called here for a purpose and that, I have never doubted. Whatever my team looks like, these children need to be loved and that will not change. In all honesty, I am slightly fearful of the future, perhaps for the first time in my life, as I realise how far from home I really am. But I am also excited and often overwhelmed by the possibilities of where we will go from here. It is strange to experience saying goodbye, knowing that I will be staying behind, but it gives me very a important perspective and huge gratitude for my family and friends who watched me step on the plane to come here in the first place. Without your continued love and support, there is no way I could be here doing what I am doing, however much we miss each other every day.

I can look back on this roller coaster ride of a year with a truly thankful heart. I have made friends who are as brothers and can't wait to see where they will be led in the future. Their departure is giving my tear ducts a bit of a beating but I am so glad they have learnt to deal with an overly emotional female - I do love to educate. It has been such a fun and adventurous chapter and now it is already time to start another one! 

I love you guys!!!

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What a difference a day makes...

This week, I have been dwelling on the need to take each day as it comes. Youth Ministry often has no pattern, no set expectations and no guarantees. One week or even one session can feel like you've reached the top of a mountain and the next day feels like you're back in the valley ready to start again. The kids can arrive in a great mood, making planned activities easy and fun or, they can arrive in a mood whereby no activities can happen because your whole time with them is spent getting them to do as they are asked. You just never do know. 

I can't go into every day here expecting to see great results of the work I've put in. I can't expect that the kids will walk into this center, full of manners, calm attitudes, respect for the rules and full co-operation. If I expect that, I am going to be very disheartened very quickly. I may as well not even bother! The aim here, is to take each session we have as a fresh start. What happened with the kids on Monday is in the past, we do not dwell, we move on to today and we do so with renewed hope and enthusiasm. 

This is probably one of the toughest places I will ever find myself. The environment here is such a tough one to crack, the attitudes that the kids have been taught, if they have been given the time by their parents to be taught; are very difficult to challenge. This can't be done in a day, but little by little; one seed at a time. Last week I was speaking to one of the guys who came to the drop in as he asked me to make some more popcorn for them. I told him that if he spoke to me properly, then I would do it. We went through the right way to ask for something and threw some pleases and thank you's in there. On Monday, he approached me and said 'can I have some soda, please?' That for me, was a success. That is the size of the success we have to take here. 

The kids who come here will never know the hours we agonise over how we can love them better, how we can change ourselves to better suit their needs, how to respond to situations they present us with, how to deal with things well so we don't risk losing them. But that to me is the true beauty of what we do. They think we just open up the center a couple of days a week and that's it. They will never truly know the personal sacrifices, the headaches, the sleepless nights and the light bulb moments at 2am that we go through to find the strength to open those doors each time. But they don't need to know. It is up to us to find the hope for each day and the opportunities that brings. It is up to us to celebrate every success, big or small. It is up to us to bring transformation drop by drop through our Faithfulness to this cause and remain prepared for anything. 

It's a good job that we believe in a great big ever-loving God.

Love, S x

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Recent Reflections.

After all the years I had been wanting to come to work in America, this would be the last place I would've thought I'd find myself. A tea-drinking, dress only wearing, Pride & Prejudice loving Yorkshire lass thrown into inner city urban youth ministry. In everyway, I am completely opposite to these kids but am compelled by a love greater than my insecurities and physical boundaries to do my best to give them some hope. 

Just yesterday, I volunteered to help at a different camp with Urban Promise as mine is closed whilst the leaders are recruiting interns for the summer. Myself and Joni had to walk to meet them at a designated point so that we could all walk to the camp together. I had never been to this camp before, and wasn't sure that I knew any of the kids. As we were walking down a street I had never before walked down, I suddenly heard a chorus of 'MISS SARAHHHHHH,' followed by two kids running towards me and throwing their arms around me. I guess I had met some of them before! The two of them came on the retreat I attended a couple of weeks ago, but never in my wildest dreams had I thought they would remember me. I think I sat with them perhaps for an hour that entire weekend. 

As we walked, one of the girls I had just met promptly grabbed my hand and would not let go for the duration of the journey. What really struck me was, as she was sweetly holding my hand - she was also making threats to one of the other girls if she 'rolled her eyes ONE MORE TIME!!!!' I had to explain to her that sometimes in life, we might have to learn to love people we don't like. That's a hard lesson for anyone, let alone a 5th grader I just met 5 minutes ago. 

'According to Jesus, in the hierarchy of spiritual acts and activities, love tops them all. Move over virginity, church attendance, group dating, morning devotions and crucifixion jewelry. Love is the new king of the mountain.

That means we don’t get to ignore the co-worker who drives us crazy, despise the neighbor who parties too loudly, condemn the relative who votes differently than we do or hate the boss who makes life miserable. Whether we like a person or not, we are commanded to love.

In the language of grace, love is both the exception and the rule.

If anyone knew how to love people who weren’t very likable, it was Jesus. After all, He spent three years in the company of Judas, who was stealing, manipulating and scheming to betray Him.' (Taken from here)

I was sat a few days ago at my own Urban Promise camp with one of the 5th graders who was writing down some goals for his future. I told him about how when I was in High School, I wrote a list like that of my own:

Eight years ago, I knew what I wanted to do and I worked hard to get there. I never knew how it would look, where it would take me or who it would take me to. It hit me in that moment as I told him about my list and how I had achieved it all.  I saw the smile appear on his face as he thought about the things he could do and that was so exciting for me. I realised as we were talking that I needed to add a few things to my list! 

Here I am, so far from home - knowing that I'm having these conversations with kids who might not hear a positive word that day, especially the kids who come to the YFC Center. I may think of these words as insignificant but to someone who has no or little hope, who knows what might come of that. This may not be a place that I would ever have chosen for myself, but I am sure that I can find enough reasons to love it, even if I don't always like it!

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Time To Go!

Well, after approximately 6 long hours, I am finally packed up and ready for the big move. It's much different than when I moved to University, because that required all sorts of items like pans, dishes, bedding, lamps etc, whilst this is purely clothes and a couple of home comforts. I have managed to fill 2 suitcases and a holdall, hoping that I haven't forgotten anything drastically important. The Yorkshire tea was one of the first things in there and I separated the Earl Grey into another case should one happen to go missing on the journey! I have also stocked up on hats, scarves and mittens just in case the big freeze lasts any longer. If it doesn't stay cold, I will be a little bit gutted because I really want to wear my new bobble hat. 

Admittedly, I am absolutely worn out after a wonderful but busy week at the British YFC Conference. We just spent 5 days in a hotel with a jam packed schedule of great speakers, time to gather together and attend seminars about youth work. It was so nice to hear about a subject I am SO passionate about again, it really set me up to go back in to working with young people again. One thing that stood out to me was what an incredible privilege it was to spend five days amongst people who share that same passion. I was so overwhelmed to be surrounded by people who are willing to better themselves, push themselves, take risks, get up every day at 7am when they're technically off work - all for the benefit of the young people they work with, and for those they have not even met yet. It was so beautiful. 

Youth work is NOT a selfish profession. That was so clearly demonstrated amongst the YFC family this week. We do everything in order that we might reach more young people, the ones who no-one else wants to work with, the ones without a family, an education, self-esteem, self-belief, a purpose, hope. We gather together to learn more from each other about how we can do that better, to make our work wider and more relevant, to build better relationships, to make a deeper and more lasting impact and to love each other more. What better reason to get up in the morning! 

Often, people over complicate youth work. One of my favourite speakers was Mark Oestreicher. He wasn't just my favourite because he is American and has a big beard. He spoke so honestly and gave such good advice that is so applicable to my life and work. If you work with young people, I recommend that you read some of his stuff and great ready to learn some great things! In one of his talks he said this:

'The power of great Youth Work/Ministry can be summed up in these 3 points;

• Showing up
• Listening
• Words of truth'

Just by you, an adult, turning up at a youth group - you could massively impact the life of a young person without even realising it. All you have to do is BE there! Easy as pie. 

Giving a listening ear to young people today in a world where their voices are very rarely heard or taken seriously, can lead to a VITAL relationship in their live whilst they are living a 'relationally disconnected' life. 

Good words spoken into the lives of teenagers who are constantly put down. 'You're so creative, you're beautiful, you're a great friend, you'd make a great leader, you are loved just as you are, you were worth dying for' - these few words could transform a young persons life. It could impact them for y-e-a-r-s to come. You may not even recall saying it to them. 

This totally blew me away. It takes such a small step to get involved with volunteering in any form of youth work be it at your local Church, on mission, in a youth centre, reading to kids in a school or millions of other formats - we can ALL sacrifice even just an hour a week just to have the chance at giving a positive impact in the life of a young person who was worth dying for. Often, it seems like a scary thing - but young people need a whole plethora of adults in their lives to help them make sense of this ever changing world. With the rapid growth of the internet and social networking, levels of face to face communication are always dropping. But we can be the solution! We can be brave, step out and get involved. 

So, can you listen? Can you show up? Can you speak words of truth into the lives of young people? If you can - I would urge you to find out how you can get involved in something local to you that seeks to benefit youngsters. It could end up being transformational for you too! 

It is time for me to find out what life is like for American young people and to figure out how I can best help them in the 6 months that I have with them. I am SO excited to get over there and to practice what I preach! I am so grateful for all those that have supported me to get me there - this is more for them than it is for me and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Please do follow my journey as I leave the comfort of my belovéd Yorkshire hills to work with young people in YFC Delaware. 

It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor,

    be compassionate and loyal in your love,

And don’t take yourself too seriously—

    take God seriously.

Micah 6:8

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Happy New Year!

Just a quick post to wish you all a very Happy New Year! 

I for one am very excited about 2014 and am really glad that my new blog has launched just in time! I hope you like it, I certainly do! Blogging is one of my favourite ways to relax and as I will be travelling/adventuring this coming year, I am planning on using this as my main way of keeping people informed. I have changed the name to a catchier one as when I started this, it had about 10 views a week! I want to add a few weekly things and share some shorter posts with you as they all seem to be quite long!

So, keep your eyes peeled for all my upcoming scribbles! 

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Oh, Night Divine!

I can't believe it's Christmas eve again..where has this year gone?! It's taken much longer this year for me to feel as festive as I normally do. One year whilst I was at University, I secretly decorated my entire bedroom, tree and all - my housemates only found out one by one if they knocked on my door and I let them in. That was a great October. Ha! Alas, this year I was lucky enough to experience Thanksgiving too so I will have had my fair share of turkey by the end of 2013. 

I have just gotten round to the aforementioned sugar cookies, but didn't really have enough time to but 100% effort into the decorating stage. I chose the lovely Gooseberry Patch Recipe as I had the same cutter as the one they used, and I just think their recipes are too darned CUTE. I accidentally made about 1 million cookies but hey ho - it's Christmas! One of them tragically broke in half so I was forced to try it and it was pretty yummy. 

I'm also ready for my annual Christmas Eve tradition of opening my gifts from friends at midnight that usually live under our Christmas Tree. I fought long and hard for the right to do them separately and I won. I am ready for it once again:

Last night, one of my best friends and I enjoyed a wonderful 3 course meal with a free bottle of Prosecco as part of my early Birthday celebrations. I am travelling down south on the day so I am dragging out the festivities as long as physically possible.

Thankyou, Italy and goodnight. 

We also like cocktails.

                                   

Cheers, to being another year older!

As for the rest of today, we are going to 'stay classy' and go see Anchorman 2 - before heading home for a midnight tipple and the chance to dive in to round one of my presents. I don't care how old I get, Christmas always makes me feel like it did when I was 6!! 

So, I would like to wish all of my L-O-V-E-L-Y readers the Merriest of Christmases and the Happiest of New Years! Be sure to check back here in 2014 as I blog my American Adventures. I think 2014 is going to be my most exciting one yet and I can't WAIT to share it with you all! 

Much Love xxx

P.s. I may or may not have opened the tree presents from my friends over an hour early. I simply could not wait any longer.

P.p.s. Someone PLEASE take this box of twilight mints away from me.

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Fundraising Update.

Things have been very busy lately as I start to get organised for 6 months in America. We've tried to think of creative ways to raise some money to send me over there and I have to say, it has been really fun! 

Our house is beginning to look a little like a jam factory at the moment, I've been experimenting with different flavours and ways to decorate which make them look really homemade:

I have just made the black forest jam which is full of autumny/wintery berries and has been my favourite experiment so far. My mum makes the lemon curd which seems to fly off our kitchen island along with the strawberry jam. I have so far tried; raspberry, blueberry, mixed berry and black forest flavours. We are especially enjoying the jams that make larger quantities as they tend to make 1/2 jars which unfortunately aren't big enough to be sold, so they sadly end up on our toast. Shame. 

I have also been very busy bringing together the plans for my big American themed party. I had some amazing party supplies donated from www.partypacks.co.uk which will look amazing! The night is going to be filled with American style food and drinks, live music performed by some of my very talented friends, a very American quiz (that I need to write!), a raffle and craft/homemade stalls also made by very talented friends. 

We have been trying out 2nd hand markets too which has been great because we get rid of some of our clutter whilst making a bit of money to add to the pot! They have been nice markets because we've done some great people watching and met some nice folk. I also have a new job helping out a friend in establishing his own Charity which is keeping my mind busy and doing something useful! I am so thankful for that opportunity. 

Nearer to Christmas I'm planning on making and decorating my own salt-dough Christmas decorations as I did last year, Christmas cakes, present tags and small gift ideas that will no doubt be found on Pinterest! I also just won a beautiful set of washi tapes from this beautiful blog that are being shipped over from America so I hope to make some nice things with those! It's so nice to be creative and make nice things that people will enjoy, but will also get me closer to pursuing my dream.

I'd like to thank everybody who has already contributed to my funds, big or small - it means the world to me! If you would like to support me, please check out my Go Fund Me and read all about what I will be doing in America. I have been contacted by Delaware this week and will be attending a training day next week so it is all beginning to feel very real! What a fun time. 

Much Love xxx

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In which we run fully clothed into a fountain.

These words have been stalking me recently. Well, for the past year actually. For months, I have read them day in, day out wondering if I will ever put them back into practice. When I was at University, I did this a lot. My sense of adventure and excitement for spontaneity were alive and well. It didn't matter that we travelled for 8 hours down to the opposite end of the country to watch a one hour concert on the beach. Nor did it really matter that we arrived home from London at 2am to find the entire contents of our bedrooms switched around with someone else. We celebrated engagements, birthdays, jubilees, Christmas and 2-4-1 cocktails on a Thursday evening. We had weekends away, trips to the beach, journeys to the supermarket after midnight (rebellion at it's best.) We spent every night in the garden drinking cider and having BBQ's with our neighbours. We spent an entire day filling a paddling pool with water and all sat in it, just the once. We didn't really have a reason to fear the future, we were having too much fun! We were too busy enjoying the moment, making the most of where we were, because we knew that it wouldn't last forever. Those three years were for staying up until 4am most nights talking about goodness knows what, to adventure, to learn and experience, to find ourselves before the real world hit. No responsibilities, enjoying our independence. Those amazing years came and went so quickly that it already feels like a distant memory. 

I wasn't prepared for the job market to be as it has been. I have made so many plans based on 'if I get this job, I can...' or 'I'll be able to...' only to be turned down because I don't have enough experience. So, back to the drawing board. I've had a year of 'what will you do next?' 'Where will you go?' 'Why don't you move?' 'Do you really want that job?' 'Have you tried this, or that?' Truth be told, these questions have not made my life any easier! I have explored so many avenues to get where I want to be yet sometimes it feels like I am no closer. I have no answers, because I have no clue what's going on here! 

'She laughs without fear of the future...'

^

You may have gathered by now, that I have not done a lot of that lately. I recently attended a conference that focussed a lot on this. The masks that some of us hide behind; inadequacy, victim, perfection. Our constant battle to be 'worry free' when actually, a certain level of worry is both necessary and healthy - when we gain control of it. I learnt a lot that day. I realised how afraid I feel of making the wrong decision because I feel so lost. What if I regret this? What if I don't do this and wish I had? But a better question I needed to ask myself was this; when was the last time that I didn't feel afraid? 

It all hit me, one sunny day with a friend. You see, the weather has been driving England crazy lately. I know that we are infamous for moaning CONSTANTLY about the weather, but the problem is that it's so unpredictable that we are unprepared for everything. Snow, sun, rain, fog. We don't get enough of one weather type to make proper precautions so instead we just moan. It's never just right. We have had about a month of sunshine. Today, for the first time in as long as I can remember, I took a coat out with me, not only that, but an umbrella. Our homes and many of our shops, restaurants and cafés are not air conditioned, so we have all had to buy fans to prevent us from melting. Nobody is sleeping. But now the rain has started again, everybody is moaning because THE SUN HAS GONE. 

I digress. One fine day a couple of weeks ago, I was sat with a friend eating an ice-cream whilst we dipped our toes in a pool of water in the centre of Bradford. It was so hot that dipping our toes simply wasn't cutting the mustard. There were kids running through the fountains, splashing around in swimming costumes. So were there parents. I couldn't watch it, it was just torture - everything within me wanted to just run in there, regardless of the fact that I was fully clothed. So, we discussed this pickle in which we found ourselves and decided to drop off our belongings and my friends house and go back to the water to walk around in it. My friend was able to change into more sensible clothes, whereas I did not come prepared for this. We left our shoes with a random family and walked into the water:

photo credit

But that wasn't enough. There was a huge fountain spraying out in the middle that people were running through. We saw a guy run through it and I thought he didn't actually look that wet. So, we had to do it too. We ran. We got drenched. We LAUGHED. We laid down in the water, enjoying the sun for a while, in between a splash fight with a small child and another run through the giant fountain. I didn't care that I had mascara all down my face. I didn't care that my hair was dripping wet. I didn't care that we were walking through a busy city centre soaking wet. I didn't even care that I didn't have a change of clothes and I had to go home on the train.

I didn't CARE about the consequences, because I wanted to enjoy the moment. Not just dip my toes in whilst watching everyone else have fun, but to run into the fountain, fully clothed with my eyes closed. It was so liberating! Though to you, this may seem like nothing - for me it was a wake up call. I have been so caught up, worrying about which road to go down when really, I don't need to. I have allowed my worry to rob me of my JOY. This is not how it should be! 

'For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.' 2 Tim 1:7

Whatever road I go down, I will be challenged, blessed and tested. I cannot spend my days waiting for tomorrow to find joy in today. I must FULLY live now - it is a choice! I have to take steps into the un-known, not knowing what might be ahead of me and live it, do it and experience it. None of us know what tomorrow holds, but we CAN choose whether we will allow worry to rob us of our joy or if we will allow joy to eliminate our worry.

Much Love xxx

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