On getting a new name.

After many years of daydreaming, and several months of fairly intense planning, last month I became a "Mrs." It all seems to have passed by in a bit of a blur, as it is already almost 4 weeks since the big day. Once we had finished celebrating Christmas last year, it felt as though time just disappeared as we awaited April. There was so much planning to be done, decisions to make and paperwork to submit. Most evenings I would sit and think about the wedding; searching for inspiration, collecting decorations or just imagining how the day might go. As it got closer, it took me longer and longer to get to sleep at night - not because I was particularly stressed, but because I was trying to imagine the scene...how our boys might react, what it might look and feel like to walk down the aisle, would there be enough food for everyone... All the things I've thought about for as long as I can remember! 

Once the day came, it truly was everything we'd hoped it would be. It passed by in a flash as most people said it would, but it was a colourful, happy, relaxed and (thankfully) sunny day! It was so special to have our closest people in the room with us, and I was personally so grateful that so many people had travelled over to be with us. It was both surreal and beautiful to see everyone in the place I now call home - and I loved that most people made a bit of a holiday of it so they could explore Northern Ireland and hopefully understand why I fell in love with this "wee" place. I spent the following days just looking over all the pictures, trying to take it all in that our big event had actually happened - all the planning came to be and we were now man and wife. I think in many ways that is still sinking in for me. I am busy trying to change my name wherever I need to (but mostly keep forgetting when people ask me what my name is!) I have a new email address at work which still feels a little strange to see, and if I've had to make any arrangements, it has felt a bit odd saying "I'll ask my husband..." 

Perhaps it is taking time for me to process it all because life soon went back to normal - the busy week to week of juggling everything, trying to make time for ourselves and for each other. I've also recently learnt of the phenomenon of the "post wedding blues," which I think probably describes my current state of mind quite accurately. It's such a strange feeling after focusing on something for so long to suddenly have it be over and done with, and life just continue as normal. I think it's probably fair to say that a lot of us dream about our wedding day for many years before it happens, imagining our dress, our songs and what our new name would sound like. It's not a sadness that I'm feeling, it's more of a slight feeling lost without having that big focus. It's a feeling that certainly won't last forever, and I've had some really helpful conversations about it this week that have helped me to emerge from my rut! Recently, we have kept our last few weekends very low key and relaxed to try and give ourselves a break, but I also got the urge to start spring cleaning, so we have done a lot of clearing out and changing a few things in the house that have long been on our list that we could now arrange. I finally got myself my dream mixer which has already been put to use, and we updated some pieces of furniture to make our living room a bit cosier. 

Wedding planning was a nice creative outlet for me - I loved designing all our stationery and signs and bringing the theme together, so I have made a list of other things I could do to keep my creative juices flowing. Reading is still a hobby I love, but I've found myself drawn to the kitchen again to try out recipes that I've wanted to try for ages. I made my first loaf of soda bread this week - an Irish staple - which was so easy and delicious (but didn't stick around long!) I would love to set a few hours aside each week to batch cook some nice homemade snacks and freeze them, so that is high on the agenda. 

I've also realised that I need to spend more time by myself - even just going for a quick evening walk - just to ground myself again after a busy day. I want to make the most of the light evenings and hopefully enjoy a few sunsets. I'm sure I've said this so many times before, but I still feel guilty for doing this now that I have the boys, but we all know it is important for me and benefits all of us, so I need to place myself a bit higher on the priority list. For now, what I really want to do is allow myself to slow down. To enjoy this new season we're in, to soak it all up without thinking what's next. To be present in the moment, to make memories,  to enjoy the presence of friends and family. I know I have written about gratitude several times before - but I just want to bask in that for a while...gratitude for our health, our love, our wonderful boys, a place to call home, jobs that provide for us and especially mine that offers so much compassion and flexibility for our young family circumstances, the opportunity to have ticked things off our "dream" list for the house, for friends and family who love and support us, for the chance to live in such a beautiful place, for the nature we are surrounded by and for the simple things in life that bring us joy.