On trying to overcome burnout.

I have tried to sit down and start this post so many times, but we currently find ourselves knee deep in a sleep regression stage. It's a new phenomenon for us, as the first time around we never really experienced it. Currently, we are several weeks into regularly being woken up around 2-3 times per night, and the tiredness is definitely taking its' toll on us. I find that a lot of people will say that they're only little for so long, or we will miss this phase, and surely we will miss parts of it - but when you are trying to juggle everything like work, housework, finding your own downtime, making time for yourselves as a family and as a couple, with a sprinkling of pure exhaustion, it feels like a very difficult slog. I know we are not the only ones trying to cope with this, several friends have noted the same right now and we are trying to share advice and encouragement where we can. I'm also part of an online parenting group that is filled with regular posts from desperate parents who feel like they've tried everything and they're at their wits end. In many cases, I think it's just a phase we have to battle through and do our best to keep smiling when we can. I'm very lucky that Tom always encourages me to rest first because he knows I do the bulk of the childcare and I do think the exhaustion hits women differently. We are trying hard to give each other grace and let some things wait for a while, because what we both need right now is rest whenever we can get it. 

In the midst of my plight, and trying to prevent reaching a stage of total burnout, I rediscovered someone who I used to follow and take inspiration from that I somehow forgot about, and she recently posted something that really helped me to take a pause and reflect on what I need to do to help myself get through this rough patch. She (Emily P. Freeman) asked the question; "what is saving your life right now?" that she took from another author, and then shared the things that were helping her overcome burnout. I thought this was a really helpful exercise, and I wanted to share mine, in case it encourages anyone else to think and reflect on it. 
1. ReadingI have always been a reader. I love stories and finding escapism that way. I've noticed I go through phases of reading new books back to back and then taking a break, as sometimes I feel a bit too frazzled to concentrate on a book and would watch movies (or trash TV!) instead. I've also found a few interesting creators on YouTube that I enjoy learning from, so sometimes I use my bits of downtime watching that. But presently, books are my solace. I am partway through my 18th book of the year, which I'm quite pleased with given that for the first few months of the year I was adjusting to full time parenting a 1 year old and a newborn, and certainly didn't have much time to sit still for any length of time. It's really helping me to switch off in an evening and enjoy a different world for a while. I absolutely love memoirs and always race through those, so I'm currently challenging myself to read some different genres to stretch me a bit. I am going to start book 3 of the Seven Sisters Series soon, which is a series I have thoroughly enjoyed so far. The stories are a great mix of taking you to different cultures and time periods, and I'm so intrigued to see where it's all leading to. My reading journey has also taken me back to visiting the library more regularly, and searching for 2nd hand books, as it can be an expensive hobby! My favourite way to get lost in a book is by the fire, snuggled on the sofa, with Classic FM playing the background.

2. Getting cosy For me, setting a cosy atmosphere at home is so important. I have candles, fairy lights, and blankets out year round. But the last couple of weeks we have also been lighting our fire, which just brings another dimension of cosiness (or hygge, my favourite discovery in recent years). I love sitting on the floor, listening to the crackling and basking in the heat. I love the smell of my favourite wax melts filling the room. As per my previous post, I am an autumn/winter person. I love the colours, the changes in nature and returning home after a blustery walk to warm up again. I think there is so much magic this time of year, and embracing it has really made a positive difference for me. Sometimes I actually feel a bit excited to see it's getting dark outside so I can close the blinds and turn the lamps on! One thing I also do some nights to help me sleep is listen to Yoga Nidra podcasts or meditations. They work really well for me, and usually allow me to clear my mind and drift off if I find my brain is still very busy. 

3. Walking/Visiting parks It is clear that although the three men in my life are all total home birds, they all also enjoy getting out and exploring nature. Any day the weather isn't too bad, I try my best to get us all out for a run about. Finn absolutely loves a park, and we are very lucky to have so many brilliant ones so close by. I was thinking the other day that we probably could do a different one each day of the week! It's wonderful to live in a place that really values creating spaces for children to learn and have fun - a lot of them have different musical instruments and interactive activities that focus on the weather, animals and lots of other things. There are pirate ships and beach huts, swings and slides, castles and bridges and everything in between! I have to say, watching Finn run so happily with total abandon is a view I will always treasure, and it is sure to brighten up any day. Walking has always been a saviour of mine, and although I don't go on my own very much anymore, it's great for getting Zach to sleep which inturn gives me chance to slow down and process. 

4. Cooking/bakingI adore being in the kitchen. It's one of my happy places. I love trying new recipes and making yummy, wholesome food for us all. Each week I do my meal plan which helps keep everything organised, and I do our grocery shop based around that. This month I'm trying to stretch things a bit further by welcoming back soups and stews (a staple on the Emerald Isle!), and bringing back easy things like Mac and cheese that just feel comforting on dark nights. Finn is certainly embracing new foods, so I'm glad to see him enjoying my food too, and Zach is well into the weaning journey and is hungry the majority of the time! Baking is probably my favourite hobby, again, I relish trying new bakes and pushing my skills a bit. For the last few months I committed to baking at least once a week, which I have stuck to. There have been no complaints about this venture so far! I recently made a caramel-apple crumble which was autumn in a bowl. Making something from scratch is just such a satisfying activity, and it always brings me back to me. 

5. Coffee ShopsTo anyone who knows me, this is an obvious one. Coffee shops are my favourite places, the spots I always go to if I am in need of quiet time. I love taking my laptop and working in one, reading books or going through my favourite magazine (The Simple Things). Again, we are very lucky to have so many good ones locally that are stocked with the most amazing treats and delicious coffee. I love being able to people watch and see the ebb and flow in the background whilst I look up from whatever I'm doing. Even if I can just sit for a few hours a week in one of my favourite coffee spots, I know it helps me so much! I'd add to this that every evening I sit and enjoy a cup of my favourite tea, Yogi Tea Classic blend, which not only soothes my soul as I (hopefully!) get the chance to wind down for a couple of hours, but it also provides a tiny piece of wisdom that I'll conclude with. 

I think because the last couple of months have stretched and challenged us in new ways whilst we try to regain balance, and figure out what we need for ourselves individually to function better, I have regained focus about the things that are truly important to us collectively and how I want to split my own time. Whilst I would love to get out more and catch up with friends, travel, commit to a weekly group, and probably several other things, it just isn't the time right now. This is where my tea-bag wisdom comes in: 

I read this a while ago and think of it often. Sometimes I get so caught up thinking about the things I 'should' or 'could' be doing, that I add pointless extra to pressure to myself. Since reading this quote, I've been working really hard to figure out what 'noise' I can remove so as to increase my enjoyment of the present moment. I know the boys are so happy in their own surroundings, so instead of busting myself to get us to groups and classes, I know they love visiting the park, so that's a better use of our time. We didn't do any extravagant activities like expensive pumpkin patches because I know we wouldn't get much out of it, so we opted for a really simple one we could walk to and loved it! We are keeping our weekends much simpler, opting for slower days wherever we can and taking help if it is offered so that we can recoup a bit. I am working on my high expectations for myself, and reminding myself that I am doing the very best I can, and it's ok that I am finding it hard right now. I'm learning that my capacity is a little lower than usual, but it will come back eventually. I'm prioritising rest, and working on communicating about the things I'm finding challenging, and I've realised that sometimes I don't want or need advice, I just want to be listened to. I think the crux of it is: I need to let myself off the hook. 
P.s. today we had a slow day, which encompassed most of my favourite things; a long walk as a family (and watching Finn run and explore nature), a visit to a 2nd hand book fair, an afternoon in the kitchen making Tom's favourite chicken curry, followed by a first attempt at oreo truffles. Now, it's ending with a hot chocolate by the fire in my cosy blanket with my current book. I hope this week you can find time to enjoy some of the things that are saving your life xo