On trying to overcome burnout.

I have tried to sit down and start this post so many times, but we currently find ourselves knee deep in a sleep regression stage. It's a new phenomenon for us, as the first time around we never really experienced it. Currently, we are several weeks into regularly being woken up around 2-3 times per night, and the tiredness is definitely taking its' toll on us. I find that a lot of people will say that they're only little for so long, or we will miss this phase, and surely we will miss parts of it - but when you are trying to juggle everything like work, housework, finding your own downtime, making time for yourselves as a family and as a couple, with a sprinkling of pure exhaustion, it feels like a very difficult slog. I know we are not the only ones trying to cope with this, several friends have noted the same right now and we are trying to share advice and encouragement where we can. I'm also part of an online parenting group that is filled with regular posts from desperate parents who feel like they've tried everything and they're at their wits end. In many cases, I think it's just a phase we have to battle through and do our best to keep smiling when we can. I'm very lucky that Tom always encourages me to rest first because he knows I do the bulk of the childcare and I do think the exhaustion hits women differently. We are trying hard to give each other grace and let some things wait for a while, because what we both need right now is rest whenever we can get it. 

In the midst of my plight, and trying to prevent reaching a stage of total burnout, I rediscovered someone who I used to follow and take inspiration from that I somehow forgot about, and she recently posted something that really helped me to take a pause and reflect on what I need to do to help myself get through this rough patch. She (Emily P. Freeman) asked the question; "what is saving your life right now?" that she took from another author, and then shared the things that were helping her overcome burnout. I thought this was a really helpful exercise, and I wanted to share mine, in case it encourages anyone else to think and reflect on it. 
1. ReadingI have always been a reader. I love stories and finding escapism that way. I've noticed I go through phases of reading new books back to back and then taking a break, as sometimes I feel a bit too frazzled to concentrate on a book and would watch movies (or trash TV!) instead. I've also found a few interesting creators on YouTube that I enjoy learning from, so sometimes I use my bits of downtime watching that. But presently, books are my solace. I am partway through my 18th book of the year, which I'm quite pleased with given that for the first few months of the year I was adjusting to full time parenting a 1 year old and a newborn, and certainly didn't have much time to sit still for any length of time. It's really helping me to switch off in an evening and enjoy a different world for a while. I absolutely love memoirs and always race through those, so I'm currently challenging myself to read some different genres to stretch me a bit. I am going to start book 3 of the Seven Sisters Series soon, which is a series I have thoroughly enjoyed so far. The stories are a great mix of taking you to different cultures and time periods, and I'm so intrigued to see where it's all leading to. My reading journey has also taken me back to visiting the library more regularly, and searching for 2nd hand books, as it can be an expensive hobby! My favourite way to get lost in a book is by the fire, snuggled on the sofa, with Classic FM playing the background.

2. Getting cosy For me, setting a cosy atmosphere at home is so important. I have candles, fairy lights, and blankets out year round. But the last couple of weeks we have also been lighting our fire, which just brings another dimension of cosiness (or hygge, my favourite discovery in recent years). I love sitting on the floor, listening to the crackling and basking in the heat. I love the smell of my favourite wax melts filling the room. As per my previous post, I am an autumn/winter person. I love the colours, the changes in nature and returning home after a blustery walk to warm up again. I think there is so much magic this time of year, and embracing it has really made a positive difference for me. Sometimes I actually feel a bit excited to see it's getting dark outside so I can close the blinds and turn the lamps on! One thing I also do some nights to help me sleep is listen to Yoga Nidra podcasts or meditations. They work really well for me, and usually allow me to clear my mind and drift off if I find my brain is still very busy. 

3. Walking/Visiting parks It is clear that although the three men in my life are all total home birds, they all also enjoy getting out and exploring nature. Any day the weather isn't too bad, I try my best to get us all out for a run about. Finn absolutely loves a park, and we are very lucky to have so many brilliant ones so close by. I was thinking the other day that we probably could do a different one each day of the week! It's wonderful to live in a place that really values creating spaces for children to learn and have fun - a lot of them have different musical instruments and interactive activities that focus on the weather, animals and lots of other things. There are pirate ships and beach huts, swings and slides, castles and bridges and everything in between! I have to say, watching Finn run so happily with total abandon is a view I will always treasure, and it is sure to brighten up any day. Walking has always been a saviour of mine, and although I don't go on my own very much anymore, it's great for getting Zach to sleep which inturn gives me chance to slow down and process. 

4. Cooking/bakingI adore being in the kitchen. It's one of my happy places. I love trying new recipes and making yummy, wholesome food for us all. Each week I do my meal plan which helps keep everything organised, and I do our grocery shop based around that. This month I'm trying to stretch things a bit further by welcoming back soups and stews (a staple on the Emerald Isle!), and bringing back easy things like Mac and cheese that just feel comforting on dark nights. Finn is certainly embracing new foods, so I'm glad to see him enjoying my food too, and Zach is well into the weaning journey and is hungry the majority of the time! Baking is probably my favourite hobby, again, I relish trying new bakes and pushing my skills a bit. For the last few months I committed to baking at least once a week, which I have stuck to. There have been no complaints about this venture so far! I recently made a caramel-apple crumble which was autumn in a bowl. Making something from scratch is just such a satisfying activity, and it always brings me back to me. 

5. Coffee ShopsTo anyone who knows me, this is an obvious one. Coffee shops are my favourite places, the spots I always go to if I am in need of quiet time. I love taking my laptop and working in one, reading books or going through my favourite magazine (The Simple Things). Again, we are very lucky to have so many good ones locally that are stocked with the most amazing treats and delicious coffee. I love being able to people watch and see the ebb and flow in the background whilst I look up from whatever I'm doing. Even if I can just sit for a few hours a week in one of my favourite coffee spots, I know it helps me so much! I'd add to this that every evening I sit and enjoy a cup of my favourite tea, Yogi Tea Classic blend, which not only soothes my soul as I (hopefully!) get the chance to wind down for a couple of hours, but it also provides a tiny piece of wisdom that I'll conclude with. 

I think because the last couple of months have stretched and challenged us in new ways whilst we try to regain balance, and figure out what we need for ourselves individually to function better, I have regained focus about the things that are truly important to us collectively and how I want to split my own time. Whilst I would love to get out more and catch up with friends, travel, commit to a weekly group, and probably several other things, it just isn't the time right now. This is where my tea-bag wisdom comes in: 

I read this a while ago and think of it often. Sometimes I get so caught up thinking about the things I 'should' or 'could' be doing, that I add pointless extra to pressure to myself. Since reading this quote, I've been working really hard to figure out what 'noise' I can remove so as to increase my enjoyment of the present moment. I know the boys are so happy in their own surroundings, so instead of busting myself to get us to groups and classes, I know they love visiting the park, so that's a better use of our time. We didn't do any extravagant activities like expensive pumpkin patches because I know we wouldn't get much out of it, so we opted for a really simple one we could walk to and loved it! We are keeping our weekends much simpler, opting for slower days wherever we can and taking help if it is offered so that we can recoup a bit. I am working on my high expectations for myself, and reminding myself that I am doing the very best I can, and it's ok that I am finding it hard right now. I'm learning that my capacity is a little lower than usual, but it will come back eventually. I'm prioritising rest, and working on communicating about the things I'm finding challenging, and I've realised that sometimes I don't want or need advice, I just want to be listened to. I think the crux of it is: I need to let myself off the hook. 
P.s. today we had a slow day, which encompassed most of my favourite things; a long walk as a family (and watching Finn run and explore nature), a visit to a 2nd hand book fair, an afternoon in the kitchen making Tom's favourite chicken curry, followed by a first attempt at oreo truffles. Now, it's ending with a hot chocolate by the fire in my cosy blanket with my current book. I hope this week you can find time to enjoy some of the things that are saving your life xo

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On finding our place.

I can't believe it's coming up to four years since I moved to NI. The amount that has happened in that time, both good & bad, is impossible to quantify! Having moved around a few times, I've learnt that there are certain things I need to have in place before somewhere truly feels like "home." I'm sure this list would be different for everyone, but it dawned on me this week that I do feel like I've finally found my feet here, particularly in the village we have lived in for almost a year. 

Walking is truly one of my favourite pastimes, not only is it the best way to get to know a place, but I find it helps you notice the seasons more as you watch the colours changing. And now I have a buddy with me! I take Finn on walks as often as I can because it is so good for us both to get out for some fresh air. It's the best time for me to clear my mind & he usually falls asleep as he loves the white noise & being cosy in his pram. We went down the road one day this week & that is what inspired this post. As we set off, we saw our neighbour coming back from a dog walk & he warned me it was a bit wild by the seafront. We also waved at a fellow regular baby-walker (I think he's a grandad) who always wears a flourescent yellow jacket whilst speed-walking with his pram & goes out at a similar time to me. We saw Tom's Nana's knitting friend who likes to look out for Finn as we walk past her house most days & she regularly hears about him & we waved at one of two delivery drivers who love to chat to us when they drop parcels off. The one who I know a bit better asked me this week if & when Finn would be getting a sibling!! Once we got home, I sat & thought about how nice it is to walk around & feel like you know people in your area. For this reason, a regular walking spot is definitely something I need in "my place." 

I have a few different walks that I used to do most weekends by myself as Tom is usually working but I'm only just starting to feel brave enough to do those by myself with Finn. It's a lot to get used to all the extra things you need to take with you & I like to go out as soon as he's finished a feed because that gives me maximum time to relax & enjoy the walk & usually a coffee. Funnily enough, most of my favourite walks end up in a good coffee shop, which I'll talk about more below. But, if you're ever in the area, these are my favourites: 

Bridewell Coffee - Donaghadee // Firebox - Ballywalter // Haptik - Newtownards // Copeland Distillery - Donaghadee // Joxer - Bangor // Lekker - Greyabbey

It will be unsurprising for many who know me, but finding the right 'regular' coffee shop is an absolute must. I was recently thinking about the coffee shop back home that we spent half of our teenage years in - it was always our meeting point & we spent every Saturday in there for years, plus at some point nearly all my friends worked there, including myself. They did such a good chicken & pesto mayo sandwich that I need to recreate! Since then, I've not really had my regular spot. But I stumbled upon one recently (pictured above & below) that I went to with a visiting friend & just knew it was the one. It's pretty tiny but it has a gorgeous view, lovely coffee & locally made treats plus a nice little walk around the grounds that we can enjoy afterwards. We had a visit there yesterday & it was such a sweet little trip where Finn fell asleep so I enjoyed a hot coffee in peace.

There are lots of other things that I think make a place feel like home. I am not really one for getting 'pampered,' but I do love getting my nails done & had my favourite spot in Yorkshire that I loved going to for different treatments. I've been looking for the right place for a while & have finally found someone who is local & does my nails how I like them. She is very reasonably priced & getting my nails done is one of the only times I go out in an evening these days so it's something I want to keep up with when I can a few times a year. I just went recently & decided to go super girly with pink & a glitter top! 

I mentioned in the last post that we are busy making changes in our home to make it more functional. A few different things arrived this week so we are almost ready to start the re-arranging. We need to choose a paint colour for the only room we are painting & then we can start building the furniture. I was able to shift a lot of our other things through Marketplace which has freed up some space & then this week I plan on going to a couple of my favourite charity shops to drop off some donations. I've never used Vinted but I want to sit & put some baby clothes on there & see how that goes! We've just put down the classic foam tiles so Finn can test out tummy-time & laying on his back on there. I bought them before he was born because they were on offer (!) but the health visitor came this week & said he is definitely ready to roll (at 3 months!) so we want to give him a comfortable space to test that out. I ordered one new print with a quote that I have loved for many years & found the cutest design from Violet & Alfie via Etsy (they were all discounted!) so I am excited to find a frame for that & add it to the corner of the living room that I'm imagining will be a bit of a reading nook. 

This week has been a much better pace for me than the weeks that preceeded & I am definitely starting to feel more on top of things. I've enjoyed being back in the kitchen because I've hardly cooked lately so this week I wrote a big list & went out to do the food shop whilst Tom was at home with Finn. It feels like forever since I had a meal plan but this week I made Tom's favourite 'fruity curry,' a beef hotpot & I've put our favourite BBQ pulled chicken in the slow cooker for tonight. We've had some lovely walks but taken it easy after Finn had his 2nd vaccinations this week. I started taking vitamins again & feel like I have more energy, plus it helped me finally kick my sore throat post-Covid! Everything just feels a lot more peaceful, something which I hope will continue for as long as possible. 

Much love xx 

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On welcoming a new year.

I think most of us are wondering where 2020 disappeared to after how long it felt whilst we were enduring it. Of course, the New Year doesn't bring the same sense of fresh hope that it might do normally. We begin 2021 in a similar strict lockdown to what we experienced in March and that brings that same sense of anxiety, fear and confusion that we've felt throughout this pandemic. I have always loved New Years, a chance to reflect back on what has been and hope for what might be and whilst I haven't made a list of resolutions this time - I've tried to pause and think of the things that helped me during the first part of last year. 

Since I no longer had such a long commute, I did enjoy the extra evening time to spend experimenting with cooking. I think it was reading Bread & Wine by Shauna Niequist that made me see cookery as a form of poetry. When I am in the right headspace, I find cooking to be the most relaxing hobby. (Maybe because it can be so organised and you follow a list, two things my brain loves!) I loved experimenting with new recipes and finding things to try and mix it up a bit. I recognise I am only cooking for an audience of two, myself included, so that affords me a bit of luxury to see it as a fun activity rather than a chore. I took a couple of extra days off after the holidays, which I am very glad I did, as I spent some time going through cookbooks, meal planning, creating shopping lists and then today went and bought all the ingredients we would need. It feels good to start off the year with that level of preparedness, and I did manage that for some (not all!) of last year. For the next few months we will be cutting down on carbs and snacks as we were a little too kind to ourselves in that department last year. As I write this, I can smell leek and potato soup bubbling away for dinner tonight!

I have been using the Pinch of Nom cookbooks which have given me some great tips on reducing fat in recipes but not losing the flavour - some of the new meals I'll attempt in the coming weeks will be from their newest edition - Quick & Easy. I also did a lot of baking and will try to cut down on that until I find some healthier treats! I had fun experimenting with bread which I would like to continue and now only make pancakes with Soda Bread flour because they are so fluffy and good! For my baking experiments I used Jane's Patisserie and soon learnt that it is much better to use higher quality ingredients such as Belgian chocolate as everything tastes a bit richer and yummier! 

Walking was my other saving grace. Quite often I would use that time to call home or to leave voice notes for friends whilst I processed whatever was going on in my mind. Just getting outside and saying hello to people walking their dogs was usually enough to help brighten my days. Of course, I am very lucky to live so close to the sea and I regularly walked the same circuit. It's a great way to practice mindfulness and take in all the nature around you. I visit our local National Trust whenever I can get a ticket and never get tired of walking around there. My favourite time to go out is a little bit before sunset when it is quite chilly but I can watch the sun go down. 
I joined a 'talking group' at work which has been such a great space for us to be completely honest with each other, let a few tears go and encourage each other. I have been really grateful for that bit of time to just offload whatever has built up. It is so hard not to be able to do these things face to face and of course screen time is set to stay but it is much better to have it that way than not at all! In that space, I am regularly reminded to be kind to myself, to remember that I am brave, I am loved and it is OK to find this all hard. 

We did a lot of rearranging in the apartment to make it more comfortable for both of us. There was a large dining table in the living room space which had become quite a dumping ground for things I didn't really want to put away anywhere! We brought over Tom's desk and all his gaming gear but this space will double up as a working from home area for me too. I bought some new shelving which is slowly getting filled up and we re-arranged the main bedroom. Having these little tasks to do has been a nice distraction - I am very bad at sitting still, admittedly, but I love having this space to potter around in and do little jobs! I have put a list together of things that would be nice to have in the house so we can tick something off each month. This month, the treat is a new Casserole Pot which means I am definitely 30. 

My main plan for the next few weeks is of course to stay at home and to maintain our health as best we can. That being both physical and mental. Small things that have helped me along the way will stay in my routine - as well as a clean and comfortable home, long bubble baths, taking care of our many, many houseplants, consuming as much tea as is necessary and lots of calls home. Some weeks, I won't be on top of my game and I am learning to be OK with that. What things have helped you during this time? I'd love to know!


Love, S x

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On walking and peace.

A couple of years ago on one of my internet based tangents, I stumbled upon a book called 'The little book of Hygge' by Meik Wiking. Intrigued, I added it to my Christmas List and read it in one sitting. I loved every page. The concept of Hygge; cosiness, togetherness, slowing down, being present - these were all things I wanted to do more and be less 'busy.' I became obsessed with buying candles and trying to create a cosy atmosphere to invite people into. Sitting around a fire, putting on blankets, drinking hot chocolates and having slow days with people I love - it put such a different spin on what was already my favourite season (autumn) leading into what felt like a very long winter last year.

As soon as spring came, I decided it was time to put the blankets to one side and step out to enjoy the sun whilst it lasted (being classically British and pessimistic toward the weather). When the nights became longer, I started going on evening walks - just locally or in nearby parks. It became part of my rhythm and soon, part of my freedom and healing. 

Until I started walking and taking a break from screens, I didn't realise how busy my head had become. There wasn't much space for creativity or new ideas, not much silence or being in the here and now. It's funny how something so simple can be so profound. But I started to notice so much more; different trees, beautiful flowers, animals, birdsong, strangers walking their dogs, the views, the wind or the sound of silence. Walking started to bring me back to the moment and began to make way for new ideas, solutions to work problems, changes to make or things to let go. In fact, I've written this blog post in my head on just about every walk I've been on lately! 

My very good friend suggested a book she thought I might like which I decided to rent as an audiobook and I was genuinely (!) really sad when it ended. It was called Walking Home by Clare Balding (a famous sports commentator in the UK) which she narrated herself. It was such a lovely book - filled with stories about walking; the different journeys she and others had taken and how walking had in some way become quite transformative for them. Clare presented a radio show where she would go on walks with people she hadn't met before and interviewed them on the way (I still need to listen out for that!) and some of the groups were formed for specific purposes - grief or bereavement, mental health, fitness and many others.

I also read A Philosophy of Walking by Frédéric Gros which was so interesting and I discovered that I certainly am not the first person to find walking to be a healing balm. Gros said 'You don't walk to kill time but to welcome it, to pick off it's leaves and petals one by one, second by second.' Another book that ties together mindfulness and walking along with offering practical tips is Walk: The path to a slower, more mindful life by Sholto Radford.  

There has been a lot of unexpected change in my life recently and for me, walking has helped me to stay mindful - to be here, thankful for what is in front of me, appreciative of nature and my surroundings and staying grounded. It's been a season of putting one foot in front of the other, sometimes going round in circles but in small ways moving forwards, never feeling worse for stepping out the door. It's given me fresh perspective and a healthier, more peaceful mind as well as keeping my body moving and motivated. What became a way to make the most of the good weather has now become a positive part of my routine and I can feel my own strength returning to me.

I don't normally take my phone with me now, but I've managed to capture a few of the moments of beauty here: 

Feeling like a challenge; I decided to sign up to do a fundraising event for a local hospice which involves doing a 13 mile midnight walk on Saturday 8th September. I think it will be a good way to push myself whilst thinking of and doing something tangible for others and to walk alongside people who have different stories to me.

I'd love to hear any tips, any great walks you've done or how walking has helped you so please feel free to share!

Love, 

S x

(P.s. If you would like to sponsor me for the walk - follow this link - all funds will go directly to Overgate Hospice). 

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My Happy Place.

The last time I sat here was right at the end of summer camp. I tend to find a 'happy place' wherever I go so that when I feel overwhelmed or need to process my thoughts, I can find a space that is 'my own part of nature' where I will hopefully be undisturbed for a while. My Yorkshire happy place was atop the hills where I could see the trees, valleys and sheep. My Chester happy place were the Roman Walls where I could go and watch the sunset over the city.

So here I am, in my Wilmington happy place, legs dangling off the edge of a hidden away wall at the back of Brandywine park, perhaps for the last time. I am surrounded by big, beautiful trees that are beginning to drop fall coloured leaves that are slowly drifting towards the little waterfall which will float them down through the rock filled stream towards the fishermen and cute looking Church picnic I passed on the way in.

It's hard to find peace in such a time of unrest and confusion. All the people finding out I'm headed home who are asking what changed and wishing I would stay. All the people at home asking what I will do, what's my plan? Truthfully, I don't know. I feel like one of those little leaves in a big river, one minute floating along all calm, knowing where I am and what my role is to all of a sudden hitting a big gush of water and now I'm in a new place all over again starting at a new path, with new surroundings and a different future.

source

One thing I have learnt, is that we are called to bloom where we are planted. I remember before I left, I spoke to someone about my move to the US. He said to me that a job is a job, wherever you do it. That is so true. Moving away from home to do a job doesn't automatically make it more of a success than if I'd done it in England, though I may have thought that. Of course, making the move has changed and grown me in more ways than I could've imagined and it has given me knowledge about totally different cultures as well as giving me the chance to share mine. I have pushed my self harder than ever before and for the first time, I've found my limits. I have seen that wherever I am placed or wherever I find myself, I can find something to do that will help someone else. I never had to be thousands of miles away to do that though I have absolutely no regret in this experience.

I have mentioned this in my writing before (check (you can read here) but there's a song by Brooke Fraser that says; 'now that I have seen, I am responsible.' That line challenges me constantly. Once we know there is a need within our community, even if it means pushing outside of what is comfortable but are able to, we should do it. That is a conviction upon which I am unwilling to compromise. I can do what needs to be done wherever I am sat. I am not called to be apathetic. I am called to action. I should bloom where I am planted.

'Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.’ 

What lies ahead for me is unknown, though hopefully my immediate future will involve some rest, reunions and Yorkshire Pudding. But now I see life again from a whole new perspective, knowing there is at least one constant in my life who knows the desires of my heart and knows the plans and purpose He has for me. My Faith and hope is stronger than ever before which is helping me to find joy and peace amongst the goodbyes and upheavals. I have loved my life here and was glad to call it home, even if it was just for the length of a pregnancy as someone pointed out yesterday!!

I'd best get back to enjoying my last bit of sunshine!

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A Walk with My Camera.

We British are so fickle when it comes to the weather. Of course, we are famous for moaning about it, and not so good at appreciating it when it does work in our favour. Well today, I am changing the trend and enjoying every minute of it. When the sun is out, so am I. So this morning I took a nice walk to the post office and went up to the hills with my buttock toning fit flops on my feet.

Everything looks so different in the sunshine so it doesn't require a lot of skill to take a decent picture, I snap away on my Nikon D40 when I get the urge, so here are the results:

I adore blossom trees, these are right at the end of my street.

Barbed wire screams countryside.

My favourite view in the world, just around the corner from me.

My favourite shot of the day!

The daffodils at our front door.

Now it's time for Pimm's in the garden!

I for one am thankful for the sunshine! For me it means picnics, Pimms and flip flops everyday. I hope you make the most of it...

Much Love xxx

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Chatsworth House.

You may have read my recent post entitled 'Places I'd like to Visit.' If you have, you will know that Chatsworth House was one of those. Now, I have! The house was quite exquisite however, compared to some Period properties I have seen it was even more extravagant than I had first thought it would be. Most of these properties have similar features; hand painted Chinese wallpaper, (which I always fall in love with) very dark wood, ornate furniture, lots and lots of China and over the top furnishings. This house was all that and more. It had a crazy mixture of massive crystals, a lot of art, very dark furniture and a seemingly odd mix of modern and traditional pieces.

What makes this place so special is indeed its grounds. The gardens are stunning, although we didn't by any means get to see all of them. We did see the classic views that I was hoping to see and my favourite part was the man playing piano in the library as we walked around the house. Here are some of my favourite snaps of the day:

The Beautiful Dining Room

Pride & Prejudice 

The House & Garden

The Incredible Emperor Fountain 

Me in the gardens

I thought this was a nice view...of the house...haha

Inside the greenhouse

Orange Tree

In the Chatsworth area there was also a lovely Farm Shop which was nice but quite pricey and some nice shops are on the grounds that sell good souvenirs. We bought jam. I didn't want to take too many photos as I think it's one of those places you need to behold with your own eyes! If you're a lover of tradition and a dreamer of Mr Darcy - you will LOVE it.

Much Love xxx

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