On welcoming autumn.

We are back to my favourite time of year again...I adore the 'ber' months! Although this spring was more special than usual, I still always look forward to the autumn and winter months. I think my deepened love for it has a lot to do with the boys being born during these seasons which gave me reason to truly hibernate and to slow down (in some senses!), in way that I'd never done before. Before I moved to NI and met Tom, I was always on the go, always travelling somewhere. I don't think I would've called myself that much of a home bird. But life now is a very stark contrast to that. The early days of Finn were largely long, sleepy snuggles under blankets, with a quick walk to give us both fresh air and to help Finn's circadian rhythm. I loved those quiet, cosy days hidden away in our little bubble. Of course, Zach was then born in winter, and it although it was quite challenging to get them out on my own, I did it as often as I felt able. I think part of me longs to keep recreating that feeling of hibernation, of fairy lights, candles and blankets. Of making soups, stews and pies and all the other comforting meals to warm us up. To sit by the fire with a good book, and to enjoy precious, quiet days as a family in our safe space. 

One of the things I've been reflecting on that inevitably gains more traction this year, is how much consumerism is getting out of control. I watch a lot of YouTube commentary on social media trends and what is going on online, it is making me see how much pressure there is to buy certain things to feel like you aren't missing out. For me, this time of year isn't about 'things' as much as it is about slowing down, but all I keep seeing is 'hauls' of this and that, and people rushing out to buy as much as they possibly can to decorate their homes or update their wardrobes. I am as guilty as anyone for buying home decor (ask my long suffering husband), but the things I have are not particularly expensive, nor are they single use. I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to make your home look and feel the way you want it to, but I can't help but think that the way things are going is very concerning. I saw a post on Facebook recently regarding a 'Gilmore Girls' themed blanket which is available in one retail chain and keeps selling out. The author said she had never watched a single episode of the show, but she had seen everyone else posting about the blanket, so she had to go and find it. I thought this was such a reflection of what social media can do. It makes you feel like you need to have certain things purely because they are going 'viral,' whether you like the item or not. I have seen other videos of back to school hauls where young people are showing off their new clothes and accessories after spending $1,000s, making it look like this is normal. I have seen commentary videos of 'pack my Stanley cup for a walk,' where when they break down the cost of all the accessories (for a cup..!), it adds up to $100s. People are constantly trying to sell you something, without making it look like they are, and it really worries me that so many children are seeing this type of stuff and then asking for it. So much of it is so unnecessary and is just throwaway - it doesn't add any value or meaning to anyone's life. I know that as soon as Christmas has been and gone, the internet will be awash with 'Christmas Hauls' that people will then compare themselves to. I find it bizarre that people are making so much money from creating content about absolute nonsense, but you can see how quickly it spreads and new trends emerge. 

I think you can also see such a decline in individuality, because everybody is seeking the same things to be a part of this 'viral' crowd. People are afraid to say they don't like things, or to have their own individual tastes, because then they aren't part of the movement. I saw a video recently of a Mum who bought her daughter an off-brand Stanley cup and everyone picked on her because it was fake, so she came home heartbroken begging for the real $60 version. Things are just going so far off track for what life is all about, and I want to protect our boys from this for as long as possible. I want this time of year especially to be about celebrating together, enjoying nature, giving and receiving thoughtful gifts, making yummy food together, reading good books, doing some crafts, snuggling up under blankets, warming up by the fire, watching movies and drinking hot chocolate. The simple things that create good memories. 

I wrote last time about how I'd been daydreaming of running my own book club, and I can now share that this dream is becoming a reality next month! I have been a member of my online 'Chapter' for almost a year, and they are now starting a new club in my area which I will be the host of. I am very excited to get going, and hope we can meet lots of new people and create a lovely bookish community. I have absolutely loved rediscovering my love of reading, and have now read 41 books to date this year. I love how much it helps my imagination, and allows me to escape to different worlds, new places, and to get to know new characters. My book club has been a special place for me to connect with people and make new friends, to share recommendations and to reflect on what we've read, as well as encouraging me to read things I wouldn't have chosen for myself. Hobbies are such a great way to meet like-minded people, and I'm so thankful that I decided to take the plunge, because it has now given me such an exciting opportunity for my own club, with all the support behind me. I set up my own Instagram page (more commonly known as Bookstagram!) which has been a fun creative outlet for me, and it has connected me with some wonderful people, including authors and publishers, and it feels like such a wholesome corner of the internet. I want to learn a bit more about social media and to create some good content that people enjoy looking at. 

This blog post is perhaps a little different to what I've written the last while, but I have been reflecting a lot on how I spend my time, and what is important to me. It is a very tiring stage of life, so our downtime is very precious, and I don't want to spend it consuming content that makes me feel like more 'stuff' would fix everything. You don't need a bunch of things to make the most of any season, just the things that mean the most to you. Watching the boys play every day has made me realise how little 'stuff' they really need, and how much they enjoy just having the freedom to explore. We live a pretty humble life; I still buy most of my clothes from Vinted, I trawl charity shops and often get very lucky with local groups offering free toys, I get books 2nd hand or use ebooks, and the main hobby Tom enjoys is gaming, so we allow ourselves treats relating to those, but otherwise we just get by and enjoy family days out as often as we can. My aim is always to be content with what we have, trying not to get caught up in the comparison trap, knowing how blessed we are to have everything we need. 

As we enter this time of year, I hope we can all slow down and reflect on the beauty all around us, knowing we don't really need much to make life feel special. Sometimes, the most exciting thing that can happen in your day is seeing some ducks....

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The mess behind the message

Back in high school, in a moment of madness, I decided to study art. I am by no stretch of the imagination an artist, and am certainly average at best but have always admired those that  do have the gift. One of the people who grabbed my attention during my studies was Salvador Dalí. To some, he was simply a bit crackers but I think he was quite the genius. I was lucky enough to visit one of his galleries in St Petersburg, Florida. One of the paintings I saw there, is one I often refer to when I realise once again, that I’ve gone way too far into my own head and need to regain some perspective.  

http://thedali.org/exhibit/gala-contemplating-mediterranean-sea/

This painting, struck me more than any I’ve ever seen. The approximate size of this piece is 250cm x 190cm (according to the website) which might give a good idea of the scale we’re talking about. The detail up close, is nothing short of incredible. And then, you step back 20 metres. Suddenly, the picture transforms into something else and reveals a portrait of Abraham Lincoln. It is crazy. 

What does this have to do with life? Well, I am Sarah and I am a serial over-thinker. I love personal reflection, I am a true introvert and will usually be found in a coffee shop trying desperately to find space and make sense of everything I’ve seen. It’s also why I write, as a means of getting at least some of the things rattling around in my very busy mind onto paper. But sometimes, this can be a dangerous practice. 

Mix three new starts in two years, and I mean full new starts; moving house, area, job, or even country - and the results are somewhat overwhelming. You learn so much about yourself when you are pushed out of your comfort zone. Just when you think you really know who you are, you’re thrown into a fresh set of circumstances and you simply have to adapt. You begin to see things you didn’t know about you. You carry that forward into your next stage, and you find yourself trying to show a whole new bunch of people who you are and what you’re about. Well, I’ve done that so many times in my relatively short number of years that all of a sudden, I couldn’t really remember who I was. I can articulate who I am, my core values - but who am I after all those ‘things’ I’ve just experienced? All the new things, heartbreaking things in some cases, that I’ve seen? After meeting all those people who’ve impacted my life, loved me, challenged me, hurt me, betrayed me or misunderstood me? What is my role in this new place, where do I fit, who will my true friends be, where should I put my roots? Who am I now? 

The challenge for me has been this - how will these new people love me, when I feel like such a hot mess? Can’t I just hide the behind the scenes and show them the best bits, once I’ve dealt with it all myself? The biggest battle can often be when we feel as though we aren’t our best selves, and the fear that follows of how we are perceived. What will they think of me, what if they think I’m always this negative? Should I be less this, more that? No. You should be who you are, and so should I. We are human beings (in case you didn’t know). We have good days, we have bad days. Some days we need to receive grace, some days we need to give grace. We are called to love one another through the good, the bad and the ugly. Does that mean we only deserve love when we are rainbows and butterflies?  Heck, no. 

This, is the beauty of community. I will never stop talking about community, because I believe to my very core that we were born with a desire for it. A yearning to know that we belong, that someone understands us, that we have acceptance, friends, people we can depend on and a place to gain perspective. When I get too wrapped up in my head - what makes me step back 20 metres to see a different picture entirely is community. Those that can tell me what they see when they look at me. Those that listen, advice, counsel, snap me out of it - and promise to journey through it all with me. But the real joy comes after this. That once they’ve pulled me out of the darkness and back into the light, I am closer to being restored and can offer this in return. We need each other. We need to be for each other, however ugly we might feel in ourselves - we deserve each other. However many times we need to be reminded of it, we are each so worth loving. 

http://soworthloving.tumblr.com/page/2

So here is my prayer. That we wont be afraid to show our mess and not just our message. That we can be real, and raw and unapologetically ourselves. That we can do this together, sharing  and showing one another grace that we were so undeservedly given. That we would accept who we are, and know that we are loved unconditionally in whatever stage we are at; the good, the bad or the ugly. 

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Your Best Yes.

“Saying yes all the time won’t make me wonder woman, it will make me a worn-out woman.” Lysa Terkuerst I have just finished reading a book called 'The Best Yes' by Lysa Terkuerst. I loved every word of it. I have to say, it felt good to actually find time again to sit down and read a book, so the fact that it offered some pretty transformational stuff was a real bonus! It was packed to the rafters with simple truths that so many of us have forgotten in and amongst the busyness of our lives. 
As I settle in to a new routine, I have really started to process all the things I learnt in my time in America. One of the things I was not very good at over there was saying 'no.' I love to serve, love to make things happen and love to be on the move but this soon led me to disaster. Overwhelmed by all the things I could be doing, the people I could be helping, the meals I could be preparing, I soon forgot how to take care of myself. Many of the yes's I said were good but they were rarely directed at myself. I soon became so consumed by all the yes's I could be saying for others that I was unable to sleep properly, to control my tears and to switch off and prioritise rest. In the end, I had utterly lost myself. 
As Christians, we are called to some quite simple but highly important actions:

Jesus said, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’ This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ These two commands are pegs; everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them.”

Matthew 22:37-40
How can we love others, if we don't know how to love ourselves? How do we find others important, if we don't believe we ourselves are important? How to we truly take care of others, if we don't know how to care for ourselves? The more we see of the world, the more we see how hurting and broken it is. Truthfully, there will always be something that we could be doing to serve someone else. But if in the midst of our service, we are neglecting ourselves - we have missed the mark. I cannot be all, see all, hear all and do all. I cannot give out of an empty store. If I allow my mind to be constantly filled with the needs of others, my own needs soon escape and they go on ignored. If I am trying to help someone else and make them feel important, but do not see myself as important, how effective can I really be? 
I am not much of a social networker these days, but I do daily check my beloved Instagram. I follow an organisation called 'So Worth Loving' who post so many little inspirations. Here's a good un I read the other day:

‘“Surround yourself with people who build you up and inspire you not to give up” - Concious magazine. Loving people comes as you learn to love yourself. Community can be your safe escape. When you don’t have it in you to love on yourself you can lean into the people around you to lift you up. Let the way they love you bring hope that you will get through. With community, there is hope.’

Sometimes, when we have neglected ourselves for so long, there is a point at which we break and recognise the need for change. It isn't easy. In order to push through, we need each other, we need friends who love us and care for us to help bind back together our broken hearts. One thing I realised in the US was that however much people complimented me, encouraged me and built me up - it never felt like enough. In my mind, I was constantly thinking; 'but I could've done that better,' 'but I shouldn't have said that,' 'there is more I could be doing.' I didn't allow myself to accept the kindness being offered because I didn't think I deserved it. I was 'just doing my job.' But now I am on a new journey. 

Saying no is not easy. Trying to prioritise myself feels extremely unnatural. Listening to myself and what I need feels odd. But I cannot live a life without such boundaries without burning out and becoming useful to no-one. For the first time, I am not rushing myself through this season but allowing my heart and head the time it needs to heal, hear and feel truth. The biggest lesson I have taken from the aforementioned book is that I can say 100 yes's to all sorts of seemingly wonderful things- but in doing that, I could be saying one big fat no to something that could've been the best thing for me. If I sign up to 10 different great things; serving at Church, volunteering at a Charity, getting back into youth ministry, taking on extra things at work - then I stretch myself so far that I cannot do them all well. However, if I sit - weigh up decisions, see if it fits in my schedule, check how much time I can dedicate to it, how well I can do it then that could be one, huge best yes that truly benefits everyone. 

Boundaries are so healthy and we all need not only to have them in our lives but also protect them. Right now, I am in a time of rebuilding and strengthening. I don't have much energy or strength to take on much more than I have. I am at peace with that. I owe myself this time and am so thankful that I have such close friends who are picking me up, loving me and pouring in to me. I do not have to justify my decisions to anyone on earth and to me, that feels like freedom! Today, I need to be in the comfort of my safety zone and though I won't stay there forever - it's the only place I can focus on right now.

‘Every day we make choices. Then our choices make us.’

Lysa Terkuerst. 

What choices can you make today that will give you a better tomorrow?

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People versus Things.

I've had this post rattling around in my head for the past few days but got distracted by 'Nashville,' my favourite EVER television program, which I have to keep reminding myself is infact, fiction. So here it is, better late than never!

I have mentioned topics similar to this before, but never this exactly. I want to talk about where we place our true value. Is it in people, or is it in things? 

We all like to accumulate things. I, for one cannot stop buying things that one day will fill a home of my own. I'm forever buying tea-sets, vintage glass, anything from Cath Kidston (hence the picture) and strangely enough, bed linen. But what would happen if one day, I was asked to give it all up? What if all these nice things that would make for a beautiful tea party were one day taken away from me? Would life still be liveable? For me, OF COURSE. 

My treasure doesn't live in the things that I own. I don't place more value on my laptop than my friends. Though it may do a lot of good things for me such as; allow me to send emails, listen to music, watch films, edit photos, make presentations - it doesn't do other things like; listen to me when i'm upset, offer me support and guidance, love me, make me laugh, support me, console me. All the 'real' things that I couldn't do without. 

I have learnt this lesson first hand lately. At the moment, seeing as though I only work part time, I am not exactly raking it in. I have to budget, say no to things I don't really need and think about where I want to invest the little that I do have. But working little hours has given me something truly beautiful. Time. Time to be with friends, to bake with them, to eat with them, to talk & listen to them, to drink tea with them, to relax with them. Time to be with my family. Time to read, to travel, to discover new places, to catch up with old friends and to make new ones. We all know that we don't get time back. We never know when it is going to run out, and we must, MUST, MUST learn to make the most of it. 

We cannot spend our lives chasing after 'things' that in the end, mean nothing. We so easily convince ourselves that we need to be a part of the latest trends, that we need this or that to be truly included in a group etc etc. But do we? It's so hard in a world that tells us the complete opposite, that we are defined by our wealth, the beauty of our homes, what we drive, how we dress and  who we are seen with. But when we take a step back, does any of that truly matter? Or instead should we be defined by something else?  

Perhaps we should be defined by how well love each other. How accepting we are of others, despite our differences, financial status, location, occupation and live together in community. By how quickly forget the past, the arguments and disagreements that nobody can even remember why they started and move forwards. Our willingness to be inconvenienced to help somebody in need, or indeed somebody who wants a sympathetic ear. Our desire to give up our time to volunteer for a local Charity. Our joy to sacrifice a coffee to buy a homeless person some lunch. Or maybe our ability to recognise that people are more important than things?

‘For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.’

Matthew 6:21 

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What's in a Friend?

I've been thinking about friendship a lot lately. As a lot of my friendships have changed of late, it has caused me to sit back and think about which are true friends, ones which will no doubt be life long, and those which are fleeting or seasonal. Both are important, as both teach us great life lessons - good and bad. I suppose that i've been forced to reflect on this subject for sad reasons. As mentioned in this post, I decided recently to make a few changes. I left a community that I was a part of for around 8 years of my life and have found the aftermath of that quite hurtful in all honesty. I don't wish to go too much into that as in time, I will learn to forgive those who have hurt me, many of whom were very close to me, and move on. This isn't the place to detail it all. However, one thing that decision has taught me is what a true friend should be.

Friendships have the power to shape who we are, for we are influenced by those whom we love and respect. Through good frienships we can be changed, improved, hurt, blessed and strengthened to name a few. I think this is a beautiful thing, this notion of living life together with others:

'[Great Satisfaction] to me is in being with people I am fond of and feeling that in some small way I can help make life happier or more interesting for them or help them to achieve their objective. To me that is much more important than anything else in my life.'

Eleanor Roosevelt, You Learn By Living.

When I say 'true friends,' I'm not simply talking about someone who 'does' big things for you all the time, maybe lending you money, letting you sleep on their couch, going on holiday with you etc, though that might be nice. I find that smaller acts of friendship mean more to me, though they may be insignificant to others. For me, the kind of friends I want to spend my life with are those who will text me to see how my day has been. Just because they care. Or those who had a quiet night planned but can see I really need to talk to someone - so they take me to the pub. Even those who I can sit by the fire with a cup of tea and a piece of cake, catching up on what's happened in our weeks. People I can bare my soul to in one breath and laugh out loud with the next. For me, true friendships involve sacrifice on both sides - when one needs to talk, the other one is there to listen and vice versa. There are the ones where you don't see each other for weeks, and then pick up exactly where you left off. The ones where you never run out of anything to say. The ones where it's ok to sit in silence together. The ones that last.

You see, I've started an 'introduction to counselling' course, and just went to my second meeting this evening. It's surprised me how much i've learnt in 4 short hours, but some fascinating insights have come out of it so far. It's taught me to look at some friendships in a different way (sometimes these things are dangerous for me because i'm naturally so analytical - nobody is safe haha!) - and it's helped them make sense to me. I'm used to being a listener and advice giver - and though I love that role, and feel blessed by people who feel comfortable enough to open up to me, this course has taught me that with some friendships it is unlikely that the tables will be turned due to the nature of our relationship. For example, you may have a friend who you always listen to. When you try and open up to them, their reaction may not be so positive and they may not cope with it. In this case - you may need to seek advice from someone else!

Another thing we discussed was the change in the need for community in todays society compared to in the past. Of course, this affects our friendships too.

'Today we are encouraged to be more self-sufficient and independent and may live and work away from close friends and relatives. It can be more difficult asking for help - [we may think] it is a sign of 'weakness' or 'neediness.' When we lived in smaller communities, families, friends and neighbours helped each other on a daily basis and were uninhibited in asking each other for help.' 

(taken from my course notes)

We are afraid to say we need each other, to ask each other for help, advice, guidance, a shoulder to cry on when indeed we should feel able to do this every single day. We weren't created to do life alone, we were created to live it together, learning from each other. I admit, that some of my friendships have ended because I had tried to ask for help, making sure I was as honest as possible - and was not helped and cared for in the way I needed to be. I do not want to sit here and feel bitter, or let down by them -  I want to be thankful for the good seasons we shared and move on to work on the amazing friendships I have since been so blessed with. For our own good, sometimes it is the right thing to do, to let go of some friendships and accept them for what they are. But other times, we can enjoy the ones we have that will make sure we feel loved no matter what!

Much Love xxx

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'You Learn by Living' Part 3 - Individuality.

Learning how to 'be' yourself is something I am really interested in. It's funny how hard it is to do in such a judgemental society, one that is always telling us that we 'need' this, or that to be beautiful. That this miracle product will magically stop us from looking older, our eyes will look less puffy, our hair will be shinier or we will attract more men/women if we use a certain type of body spray. We are constantly bombarded with ways that we can improve instead of ways to help us be comfortable with who we actually are. If we aren't careful, we so easily conform to act in ways that society deems the norm and we lose ourselves. 

'We are facing a great danger today. The loss of our individuality...it's your life - but only if you make it so.'

So often when we are trying to make a decision, one of our biggest worries is 'what will other people think.' I remember when I was getting ready for a wedding recently (I get invited to a LOT of weddings) and for weeks I freaked out about the dress I had. It had everything that I loved in a dress. It had roses on it, and lace and went in at the waist. It was about knee length and could be worn comfortably with tights and nice shoes. But all I could think was 'will everyone think it's not formal enough for a wedding?' 'Will they think I didn't try hard enough to make an effort?' Even on the DAY BEFORE the wedding I spent the whole day in town searching for another dress that might be a bit more posh. In the end I stuck to my first choice. I got to the wedding and saw someone in jeans and then realised how much time I wasted thinking about such a ridiculous 'problem.' But we think like this more often than we realise. Probably on a daily basis. But we need to stop it! 

'It is a brave thing to have courage to be an individual, it is also, perhaps, a lonely thing. But it is better than not being an individual, which is to be nobody at all.'

A lot of this decision making, whether small or large, comes from a place of confidence within ourselves. I'm sure if you know me, even a little - you will have learnt a few key things about me quite quickly. I love America, tea, baking, flowers/floral prints, babies and cowboys. I am a Christian and I spend most of my spare time in coffee shops talking to people. Due to the fact that I know my tastes, people are always telling me that I'm easy to buy for...which is nice because I always make use of the gifts people give me. This kind of confidence took a while to grow, but these are the things that make me who I am. 

'Of course, this means you must have a certain confidence in your own taste. And here, I think is the key to much conformity - the lack of self-confidence that makes people fearful of following their own bent.'

Once we are confident in being ourselves, we need to let go of other fears. As we become stronger, and more able to make our own decisions - we must stop worrying what other people will think of us. I have personally struggled with this a lot recently. I've been muddling through, trying to make decisions when I have no control over what is going on. I knew there were certain things I wasn't ready for, such as moving away again or stepping into a full time Youth Work career. Of course, where I have ended up at present is not where I would've put myself but I'm enjoying the moment. I have time to work and see my friends/remain involved in working with young people plus other activities that I have found myself being a part of. I have been able to read, bake and create. I have had time to rebuild and be strengthened. All of this, I am so thankful for. It has been hard to try and explain this to others but one thing that has become apparent is this: 'if people believe in you, they will trust your motives.' I need to do what I know needs to be done, and I do not have to answer to people for my chosen actions. 

'Sooner or later, you are bound to discover that you cannot please all of the people around you all of the time. So you had better learn fairly early that you must not expect to have everyone understand what you say and what you do.'

One good way of making sure that you stick to this is by setting boundaries for yourself. Whether that be with work, home, friends, Church, family etc. If I have a day off, I work hard to make sure that I do nothing specific to my job. That time is mine, to spend how I wish with who I wish and I am responsible for ensuring that I make the most of it. If I am with a friend over coffee, I try hard not to respond to texts/phone calls from other people because that is my time to give to that one person. Everytime I go to the cinema, I switch my phone off and get lost in the movie...that's one of my favourite things to do (even though those 2 hours are the time when the whole WORLD wants to get in touch with me!) My phone goes into 'Do not Disturb' mode at 10pm so I generally don't respond until the morning unless it's an emergency. These are my ways of making sure I take a bit of time to look after myself so that I don't burnout, because then I am useless to everyone!

'Success must include 2 things: the development of an individual to his utmost potentiality and a contribution of some kind to one's world.'

I am not adding to the world's message of 'it's all about me, me, me.' The reasons I am writing this are that learning to be confident in who we are and the decisions we make should in turn, allow us to make a good contribution to the world in which we live. We will not be held back by fear and insecurity, rather we will be free to be who we were created to be and will naturally encourage others to do the same. I believe we all have a responsibility to do something useful with our lives, to educate ourselves on what is going on in the world and to offer our skills/gifts/talents to people that will truly benefit from them. To do this, we need each other. I cannot change the world single handedly, I wasn't created to do that. However when I join the work of other people that share similar passions that I do, we can make a collective difference.

'The knowledge of how little you can do alone teaches you humility.'

I have reached this place not through my own strength or my own merit. I have been incredibly blessed to do life with people who speak wisdom, who act as great friends or role models, who inspire me and speak truth to me. I couldn't, and wouldn't WANT to do life alone. Though I am an individual, I am also in community and have something to GIVE as well as to RECEIVE.

'God said, “It’s not good for the Man to be alone; I’ll make him a helper, a companion.” Genesis 2:18

Much Love xxx

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Life as a Post-Grad.

I can't believe I'm a post graduate. That wonderful time all came and went far too quickly, and if you've been following my journey for a while - you will know it has had it's ups and downs, as has life since I finished my studies. But now, it's all officially a closed chapter...but one that I can look back on, treasure and be thankful for. It's up to us (as friends) to maintain the beautiful friendships that were created for it will be all too easy for us to drift apart and though for some of us that is bound to happen, there are a few that I don't want to do life without.

The day of graduation was laced with grand tradition. It had a very Harry Potter-esque feel to it as the ceremony took place in Chester Cathedral (well worth a visit as it is a stunner) with the opening of the event being trumpet fanfare. We had a great speech from some guy (he obviously made a great impression) who mentioned a few things that really inspired me. He said that we, as graduates have been given this opportunity to gain a degree - which is something that is not given to everybody. I know this all too well living where I do, where unemployment levels as well as motivation levels are generally very low in select communities. He said that with this in mind, we should not concentrate solely on furthering our own careers or spend our lives seeking more opportunities for our own gain - we should seek to use our knowledge and skills to improve the lives of those around us who are less fortunate. I was so GLAD he recognised this. In my line of work, I was never going to step into it with a selfish motive and I was certainly never going to be in it for the money (as if I was I would have been sorely disappointed) but helping others has always been my goal.

That of course, is not the same for everybody. I don't want to pinpoint anybody or any course in particular but I think we can easily become so entangled in our own progression that we stop seeing what is happening in the life of our struggling neighbour. We all have a responsibility to help each other and it doesn't always have to be big things (see my previous post entitled 'Townstock' for ideas.) With the education that we have been given, we can use it to benefit our community, society or world for the better OR we can use it solely to gain one up on others. I am not at all saying that progressing in your business/job is always a bad thing, success is good and promotions are a part of working life but I do think your motivation should be thought through - I have been blessed to have an experience that not everybody can share so I want the fruits of that to be of benefit to others.

Life has looked much the same for the past few months and until I get my work break through I know it wont change that much. I have my good days and bad days, frustrations and confusions but overall I have no choice but to keep doing what I am doing. Seeking opportunities, meeting people and ultimately, waiting. This time has, however brought me new friendships, restored old ones and blessed me with time to spend with treasured ones. I would be lying if I said I am happy to stay in this situation for too much longer but this is out of my hands! I am hoping that in a few months time I can look back on all of this as a stronger person who is more appreciative of the life I have been given for I will only have it once!

I will leave you with a couple of momentos from the biggest day of my life so far...

I have waited my entire life to throw that hat.

At least I caught it!

Outside the Cathedral (the only one wearing florals...)

With my degree...!

- How can you use the knowledge/expertise you have to help others?

- What were your favourite things about University?

P.s. my dad took these photos and would be mortified if I didn't credit him...www.dennisgoodwinphotography.com

Much Love xxx

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Townstock.

This week, I was privileged to help out at an utterly inspirational conference in my local town. Before I had even heard of this conference, I'd been getting these random bursts (check my twitter) of just loving my town and my county. Everyone who met me when I lived in Chester will know how passionate I was about Yorkshire simply because I would bang on about it constantly because I always had a deep yearning to be there. Every time I had a reading week, I would just be so happy to revel in its hills, quirks and eebygums. I missed it. Now that I am back, I am seeing my home with fresh eyes and I am genuinely so excited to be here right now.

I have been able to meet lots of new people, from all walks of life who are running such incredible projects that have been motivated by this same love I feel. I've met people who appreciate everything Halifax and it's surrounding areas have, and they've noticed that it's no longer helpful to moan about our out of touch government doing nothing for us - when we could just do it ourselves. One of my favourite quotes was from a speaker representing an amazing campaign we have called 'Totally Locally.' He said that 'often the people who change their town will be the ones who were born there that move away and come back.' That one hit me square in the eyes because I had wondered why everything seemed new and different! It wasn't just me!

Some of this stuff is exactly what I've been writing/thinking about over these past few months; slowing down, working together, living simply and loving the place you're at. So when I saw this - I did a little squeal of joy:

The Totally Locally 'Manifesto.'

There are so many things in life that we have lost due to the rapid growth of technology. We shop online which means we take money out of our local economy and cut out the middle man of actually talking face to face with someone in a building. We focus on big brands/big names and forget about the independent retailer down the road.We walk past empty shops in our town centres. We've stopped taking risks. These are all issues that were addressed at this conference. The Totally Locally nationwide campaign is to get us to re-invest in our local butchers, shop-keepers, greengrocers, cafés etc and we can achieve this by doing as little as spending £5 each a week in a local business. A small investment that will positively impact all of our futures. I love this movement! It's so important for organisations that have the same interests to begin to meet with each other and establish working relationships because this creates unity and a common goal. It allows us to create quote 'an US culture not a ME culture.' We need to begin to think about what we can GIVE and not GET because this will improve life for everyone.

We also heard from Dan Thompson - a great user of Twitter who gathered troops to clean up after the London riots and who now spreads the good news of Pop up shops. He said a few things that I loved too - it was all very simple and practical but sometimes those are the things we forget. He said we need to 'commit to our dreams' - if you have something that you would really LOVE to do then quote 'get out there and do it' because committing means that something will happen. I have spoken before of our fear to commit; what if it all goes wrong, what if I can't do it, what if it doesn't work the way I had hoped? Well - what if it DOES work? I was in a room full of people who had held these little dreams, that perhaps became known through a chat over a pint but were now affecting not just their own communities but in some cases - over 76 communities! Did they predict that would happen? No, probably not! One speaker had said that 'they created a monster' because their small dream grew so quickly. I found this fascinating. The sharing of these ideas inspired so many people who will have left changed - that will now I am sure, be working on making their dreams for their local area a reality. 

One noteable movement has changed a community through growing vegetables. 'Incredible Edible' was a movement that started by planting seeds that would be available for the general public to harvest and eat. It was a way of breaking barriers between neighbours and those whose paths would not normally cross and for a movement that started from growing beans it is now responsible for changing the lives and attitudes of an entire community! This idea has now spread to 37 towns and it's focus is not to grow great veg but to start a small movement that will empower the individual to make a change and positive impact for the future of others. This idea is quote 'not rocket science' but it is so inspiring!

We also heard from vInspired who are doing lots of great things to engage young people in volunteering. The speaker - Terry Ryall made some excellent points about the negative view cast upon young people by adults and said that quote 'young people are not something wrong that need to be fixed, rather they are an asset.' I did a little AMEN inside at that point. Young people are so passionate - they think first with their emotions and find it natural to speak out upon injustice, (this is what I LOVE about working with them) when this is put to positive use - their potential is great. When we see young people as an asset - we can turn them into an opportunity by asking quote 'what are YOU passionate about and how can WE take action on that?'

Some inspiring ideas that came directly from young people were found in 'Teenage Markets' in Stockport set up by Joseph Barratt (an excellent communicator) that used the creativity of its citizens to do something for and by young people. He spoke of 'collaborating and fusing generations' i.e. bringing people together to provide something new and fun for their area. I loved this idea as it put the power back into the hands of the young, young people thrive off being given responsibility and ownership - this is something we MUST invest in and encourage. 

Following on from this, I enjoyed the talk given by Adrian Bird from Halifax Opportunities Trust as he spoke to businesses about the importance of quote 'funding projects that help the young.' Not only this, but we must educate young people to understand that quote 'nearly all employment opportunities have value - the embarrassment barrier needs to be broken down.' He put forward a great suggestion that businesses and organisations should invite young people in to give them hands on experience, but also organisations should have 'a youthful workforce that they are prepared to develop.' Speaking from my own experience in my current job search - this is not happening enough!

To conclude, it seems that individuals who want to make a change in the place they live are getting up and doing it. We can't sit here just wishing things were different when we could be the ones to shake it up! I personally have been motivated to continue searching for the right job but in the meantime - this is the place I want to be. I am blessed to know some of these incredibly inspirational people and will continue to seek to help wherever I can. I would encourage you to put feet to your dreams, to get off your bum and to be the change because you never know where it might lead! 

A few questions...

- What is going on in your local area?

- Is there anything you can get involved with?

- Do you volunteer anywhere?

- What would you like to change?

- What is stopping you?

For further information on all the people/organisations I have mentioned:

- Townstock

- Totally Locally

- vInspired

- Dan Thompson

- Joseph Barratt

- Incredible Edible

- Halifax Opportunities Trust

Much Love xxx

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In which I change.

If these past few months have taught me anything, it's that I'm not the person I used to be. I remember how I would describe myself whilst I was still at Uni - it would be something along the lines of 'organised, love planning, hate surprises, in control.' Now, I think that couldn't be further from the truth.  For one, I have come to believe that organisation is more of a skill or gift than a personality attribute. I guess I've reached this place where I'm not able to be in control at all, so I have had to learn to wait for surprises and I can't really make any plans until a few important steps have been made.

I'm in a place where I have had to adapt to my present circumstances but still remain content with where I am. I think that's half the battle; being in a place I didn't think I would be waiting for an opportunity to come my way but still remaining hopeful and happy. I have met with professionals lately who have asked me 'where do I want to be?' or 'where do I see myself going?' and I've surprised myself with my change in answer. Before, I was very set - youth work, because that's what I'm trained in, but when you look a bit deeper or a bit wider the path isn't as narrow as it seems. I'm rediscovering my 'I could go anywhere' approach. This doesn't have to mean geographically but it could mean in the first role I end up with and where that could lead to in the future. We're in an age where it isn't common to stay in one trade for our entire lives - we're much more...flitty (I am not sure this is a word but it feels right, like a butterfly I was thinking) than that and we have so many more opportunities.

So instead of being obsessed with lists, scared of surprises, needing to know what is coming - I am feeling excited because I feel renewed, with a new lease of life and less fear. I hate fear. It has no place in our lives as it comes and takes over and robs us of opportunities. It tells us our dreams aren't big enough, that we aren't good enough, that we should always want for more, that we should have what our friends have because what we have isn't enough. But that's not right!

If we invest in the people that love us, right where we are then we are well on the way to being prepared for whatever life may throw at us. Whether that be good, or bad. Hard, or easy. Happy, or sad. I think that is the key. Community is what we need to do life, to live it rich in love and togetherness. That is what really matters, our dependence on each other whether that be family or friends. Those things are more important than my career for even if I don't end up doing what I studied, it doesn't matter as long as I am happy.

 I no longer place value on 'things' but in 'people.' I've been really blown away this past week with the amazing network of people I have in my life. This has brought about more opportunities than I could ever have thought possible, or that I could have planned for myself. I look forward to the time when I can do the same thing for someone else because I couldn't have gotten anywhere lately without the help and time of others. This is something else that has changed me. I have always been fiercely independent. If someone showed me how to do something like baking, using a computer programme etc, I was off - I could then do it on my own and continue to work it out for myself. But I have begun to wonder whether that's really how I want to live. I don't want to be an authority figure, I want to be a team player who gets in and serves alongside others. I want to choose to live life alongside others, so knowing that I could do a task more easily by myself isn't important, because I would rather learn together, with someone else. I really believe that this is what we have lost and I for one am going to fight for it. I think a level of dependence is healthy and necessary if we are ever to live in true community. We each have different skills that when used together equal something greater than if we were going at it alone.

I feel like this has been a bit rambly so to clarify:

- We need to learn to reflect on our experiences in order to change, grow and adapt to new circumstances.

- Investing in each other is more important than worrying about the future for those who love us will support us whatever happens.

- We shouldn't be afraid.

- Living in and for community is better than living by and for ourselves.

Much Love xxx 

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The A21 Campaign.

The A21 Campaign is something I feel very passionate about supporting. It stands for 'Abolishing Injustice in the 21st Century' (which I probably should've found out before now!) and is a campaign raising awareness for the 27million people who are trapped in modern day slavery. This subject is something that we all know happens, but may not have classed it as 'slavery' before. It is a problem that affects every nation, though we may not realise it. 

Myself and my friend Elly (who loves it when I mention her) got chatting about this cause one day and decided we should do something to help, indeed this is how the campaign began in the first place. So, we set about planning and decided to start small by running a fundraiser/awareness evening. This week, the event finally came around so I thought I would share a bit about how it went and what I have learnt from it. 

We decided to run it in the format of a meal, so we charged people for the price of a ticket and provided a meal for free. Thanks to the extremely generous people in our Church who provided main courses and desserts, we were able to feed everybody and in most cases they got 2nd's! Without those people giving up their time and ingredients, this part of the evening wouldn't have happened! We decided in the end to keep it simple and served everything with jacket potatoes, as the brits love their tatties. 

My favourite find for the evening!

I love tablecloths   

Our yummy cupcakes

Discussion points for the tables

We also had musicians who played for us throughout the evening that were wonderful and worked out as a great part of the evening and all of the musicians ended up being very eager to help us continue to raise awareness in the future. The music helped to keep the evening relaxed even though the subject matter was very tough!

Throughout the evening, we discussed the facts of Human Trafficking and watched the A21 Campaign's video, which was a great way to educate everyone in a way that was better than anything I could've done! Of course, it was a lot of information to take in, especially for those who had very little knowledge before the evening, as I did when I first looked into it! The point of this campaign is to help people realise that anyone can make a difference. 

Facts about Human Trafficking (taken from A21 website):

- It is the 2nd largest Global Organised crime and generates nearly $31.6 BILLION a year, Specifically sexual trafficking $27.8 billion a year.

- There are 1.39 million victims of commercial sexual servitude worldwide.

- Only 1-2 % of victims are rescued whilst 1 in 100,000 Europeans involved in trafficking are convicted.

- Greece is known as 'the centre of trafficking in Europe.'

- Ukraine is a source country for trafficked women and is currently one of the largest exporters of women, not just in the EU but also to the Middle East and to South East Asia. 

- Bulgaria - It is estimated that that 10,000 Bulgarian women alone are trafficked yearly, both within the country and to destination countries.

- Roma - Ethnic Roma men, women and children are particularly vulnerable to becoming trafficking victims, due to ethnic discrimination, poverty, high levels of unemployment, usury, growing up in state care, homelessness, domestic violence, substance abuse and complicity of family members trafficking their own.

- The United States - Human Trafficking is currently on the rise. Over 17,500 victims are trafficked in the US annually and  it is estimated that 33% are US Citizens. The full scope of the problem is yet to be determined but it is intertwined with drugs and prostitution. Trafficking here takes the form of; prostitution, massage parlours and brothels. Generally, those who are US citizens will end up in the sex trade whereas foreign victims will be found in labour trafficking. 

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It also happens in the UK. Take a look at this story which has recently hit the news. There are more stories like this, though it is not widely talked about.   

A few weeks ago, some of us watched the Nefarious documentary, as I have mentioned previously.  The quote below that cropped up in this film will never leave me because of its truth. Now that we have passed the baton onto everyone who attended our fundraiser, or those of you reading this cannot say you didn't know about Human Trafficking - because I've just told you about it! 

This quote has been the key for me to do something about it!

Below are the A21 Campaign flyers, which  suggest ways in which YOU and I can begin to make a difference. You can start by talking about what you have heard. The more it is talked about, the more people know and the more likely it is that we can work together to see an end to this. It isn't just something 'nice' to do, it is our responsibility.

 What did I learn?

On the night of our fundraiser, I got a real picture of what, especially as Christians - we should stand for. Without all the people who helped myself and Elly i.e. those who cooked, washed the dishes, served the food, brewed the tea, wiped the tables, put away chairs, folded tablecloths etc, then that night would never have happened. It was team at its best. It was us, working together for others - for a cause greater than ourselves which is what it is all about. 

We also need to be moved into action. It's all well and good looking into these things and then walking away and carrying on our lives as normal. But we have a duty to carry the burden of others. We need to have our heart broken for those who need us. It is a conscious decision - to not let these people continue to suffer when we have the ability to 'be the change' in this situation. Though it is easy to be overwhelmed by massive statistics, if each one of us does something then of course things will change!   We have managed to raise about £180/$290 just through 30 of us gathering together. More than this, we educated 30 people who may then go on to tell 30 people etc etc. That is the real point! 

I did not write this to brag about what we have done - for this is just the beginning. We started small, and simple, running a relaxed evening based around sharing food and facts. Maybe you could do something similar or on an even smaller scale! You could have a tea party or a coffee morning or get a few friends together to chat about it. Make a few crafts or sell some cupcakes. Everything will make a difference!

What will YOU do?

At our event x thank you to everyone who came x

Much Love xxx

p.s. let's all be abolitionists 

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Thoughts on Being Average.

I am not a person that particularly 'excels' at anything. In school, I didn't do badly - I was an average performer. In college, much the same - I didn't achieve top grades. At uni, I was steady away consistently getting similar grades that gave me a good average grade at the end. With things that I do such as baking, I'm good at it but there are certainly people who have a lot more talent than I do. With crafts, I'm not the neatest - I'm kind of haphazard but I can make something that looks 'rustic' (a nice way of saying imperfect!) I can sing, but in comparison to others I know I am definitely of average talent. With my blog, I don't have 15,000 views or thousands of followers - it's OK but it's not amazing. I can make flyers but I'm no graphic designer. I'm OK at photography but I'm no David Bailey. I can write but I'm not sure I could create a best-seller.

At this point, you may be thinking that I'm selling myself short or that I'm really insecure about myself. I disagree. I'm actually very secure in this. I'm an average joe and that's ok. At this point in my life, I feel like every day I'm being taken down a peg or two. Not in a bad way, because I feel extremely humbled. I am seeing life from a new perspective and I am truly seeing what is important. Does my blog need to have thousands of views or is it better that it reaches one person and impacts the way they think about something? Does my baking need to be of a professional standard or is it OK that it is received well by the people I share it with? Did I need A*'s at school to get into college or University? No. I got where I needed to be by working hard to be average. I am very realistic about what I can achieve and though, if I work hard enough I know I can achieve more - is that what I truly class as a success?

So many people define success by the things that you have. A nice car, a big house full of lovely things, an Aga, (PLEASE Lord one day) 2.4 children, a 3D TV. You've made it. But is that what I desire? Is it worth me pursuing a huge career, working my way up to the top so that I can earn enough money to have big holidays whilst not having any time to be at home, with friends, with family? I'm not sure it's worth it. The experience of having little to live off has taught me what my priorities need to be in the future. I didn't choose my career path (Youth Work) for the money, which is a good job seeing as though this government are taking all the money out of it but anywho, I entered it because young people are the future. I want them to know that. I want to encourage them, to build their self-esteem, to help them see that they can achieve, they can contribute and they can make sense of the world around them. So many people tell them they can't and that is not OK. If I am to work with people, that means I will have to make sacrifices. I will probably have enough money to get by. I will probably travel less than I have this year. I will probably have to say no to some things. I will have to invest not in 'things' but in people.

I am not cutting myself short and settling for something less than I can do - I am making a choice. A choice to live simply but well. A choice to enjoy the small things in life rather than always aim for the big things. A choice to enjoy people more than the 'stuff' I own. A choice to share my time, my life, my love, my hope rather than to give my money to a Charity and think that's enough. I want to invest in a community. I am happy to live a quiet, steady away life that seeks to make a difference to my neighbours by sharing openly and honestly my thoughts about life and the Universe. I will no longer compare myself to others and wish I was 'as good as they were' at this or that - I will be content at being  average because that is how I was created.

My job here is not to question why I am here, why I am like this, why am I not as good at this/that etc. My job is to respond to the God that created the Universe with a simple life of praise. Why?
'The answer to each of these questions is simply this: He's God.' (Francis Chan)

I'm not gonna argue with that.

Much Love xxx

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