One word for 2014

I have seen this concept scattered around a couple of blogs and felt inspired to do the same. One word, that I will reflect on throughout the year that hopefully come 2015 - I will have become a little better at. I want to choose integrity.

“Integrity is built by defeating the temptation to be dishonest; humility grows when we refuse to be prideful; and endurance develops every time you reject the temptation to give up.”  ~ Rick Warren

This word has always been important to me. It's something I've always aimed for, but I think in 2013 - there were times where I failed miserably at it. The pressures of finishing my degree the previous summer and being completely confused, totally disheartened when I couldn't find a job in the area that I worked so ridiculously hard for but was so passionate about became too much and I regularly cracked. Though to some people, getting drunk is a normal thing - I did it too much. Admittedly, I could count on both hands how many times I did that this year, but each time it happened I felt more ashamed of myself. My lack of self control not just with that but with other things like my temper, increased. I don't want to compare my circumstances or say things like; 'well, they get drunk every weekend so I can't be that bad.' I'm not responsible for anyone else's actions but my own and I want to say that I disappointed myself.

Sometimes, it felt like the people around me really enjoyed seeing me make mistakes. It proved to them that I wasn't perfect, (which I have never EVER thought I was!!!) that I mess up too. I agree, I'm not perfect, I've got a long list of improvements that need to be made - but in some ways, maybe I use that as an excuse. I never really rebelled, I didn't do that in my teenage years because that was when I started going to Church, and I did it a bit at Uni but not that much. I used that as my occasional cover up, but never felt good doing it. Well, now those people know I get it wrong too. But that doesn't make me feel good inside. It doesn't make me feel like I'm being a good example. It makes me think that  people might remember me for the mistakes I have made. I don't like that.

So, I propose that this year is a fresh, new start. One to take the bull by the horns and to go full throttle into the plans that He has for me. I am so excited to be going back to an environment where I can be challenged to work for good. To use the skills that I have been blessed with to help improve the lives of others. To refind that spirit of self control and be proud of what I have achieved rather than feel guilty for my failings. I thrive off being productive, from reaching the last, the least and the lost. I know that's what I'm here for and I will go to the ends of the earth to do that. I don't want people to be encouraged by my shortcomings but rather by my successes, so that they might be inspired to do the same thing in their lives.

I want this year to be one in which I remember the importance of integrity every single day, so that I will always be encouraged to do better, to love more and to make the right choices. We all have our weaknesses and this blog is not a judgement of that. I am assessing my own character against the standards I feel I should be living up to, which I don't feel I did very well in 2013. But the beauty of all this, is that tomorrow is a brand new day and His mercies are new each morning.