On trying to overcome burnout.

I have tried to sit down and start this post so many times, but we currently find ourselves knee deep in a sleep regression stage. It's a new phenomenon for us, as the first time around we never really experienced it. Currently, we are several weeks into regularly being woken up around 2-3 times per night, and the tiredness is definitely taking its' toll on us. I find that a lot of people will say that they're only little for so long, or we will miss this phase, and surely we will miss parts of it - but when you are trying to juggle everything like work, housework, finding your own downtime, making time for yourselves as a family and as a couple, with a sprinkling of pure exhaustion, it feels like a very difficult slog. I know we are not the only ones trying to cope with this, several friends have noted the same right now and we are trying to share advice and encouragement where we can. I'm also part of an online parenting group that is filled with regular posts from desperate parents who feel like they've tried everything and they're at their wits end. In many cases, I think it's just a phase we have to battle through and do our best to keep smiling when we can. I'm very lucky that Tom always encourages me to rest first because he knows I do the bulk of the childcare and I do think the exhaustion hits women differently. We are trying hard to give each other grace and let some things wait for a while, because what we both need right now is rest whenever we can get it. 

In the midst of my plight, and trying to prevent reaching a stage of total burnout, I rediscovered someone who I used to follow and take inspiration from that I somehow forgot about, and she recently posted something that really helped me to take a pause and reflect on what I need to do to help myself get through this rough patch. She (Emily P. Freeman) asked the question; "what is saving your life right now?" that she took from another author, and then shared the things that were helping her overcome burnout. I thought this was a really helpful exercise, and I wanted to share mine, in case it encourages anyone else to think and reflect on it. 
1. ReadingI have always been a reader. I love stories and finding escapism that way. I've noticed I go through phases of reading new books back to back and then taking a break, as sometimes I feel a bit too frazzled to concentrate on a book and would watch movies (or trash TV!) instead. I've also found a few interesting creators on YouTube that I enjoy learning from, so sometimes I use my bits of downtime watching that. But presently, books are my solace. I am partway through my 18th book of the year, which I'm quite pleased with given that for the first few months of the year I was adjusting to full time parenting a 1 year old and a newborn, and certainly didn't have much time to sit still for any length of time. It's really helping me to switch off in an evening and enjoy a different world for a while. I absolutely love memoirs and always race through those, so I'm currently challenging myself to read some different genres to stretch me a bit. I am going to start book 3 of the Seven Sisters Series soon, which is a series I have thoroughly enjoyed so far. The stories are a great mix of taking you to different cultures and time periods, and I'm so intrigued to see where it's all leading to. My reading journey has also taken me back to visiting the library more regularly, and searching for 2nd hand books, as it can be an expensive hobby! My favourite way to get lost in a book is by the fire, snuggled on the sofa, with Classic FM playing the background.

2. Getting cosy For me, setting a cosy atmosphere at home is so important. I have candles, fairy lights, and blankets out year round. But the last couple of weeks we have also been lighting our fire, which just brings another dimension of cosiness (or hygge, my favourite discovery in recent years). I love sitting on the floor, listening to the crackling and basking in the heat. I love the smell of my favourite wax melts filling the room. As per my previous post, I am an autumn/winter person. I love the colours, the changes in nature and returning home after a blustery walk to warm up again. I think there is so much magic this time of year, and embracing it has really made a positive difference for me. Sometimes I actually feel a bit excited to see it's getting dark outside so I can close the blinds and turn the lamps on! One thing I also do some nights to help me sleep is listen to Yoga Nidra podcasts or meditations. They work really well for me, and usually allow me to clear my mind and drift off if I find my brain is still very busy. 

3. Walking/Visiting parks It is clear that although the three men in my life are all total home birds, they all also enjoy getting out and exploring nature. Any day the weather isn't too bad, I try my best to get us all out for a run about. Finn absolutely loves a park, and we are very lucky to have so many brilliant ones so close by. I was thinking the other day that we probably could do a different one each day of the week! It's wonderful to live in a place that really values creating spaces for children to learn and have fun - a lot of them have different musical instruments and interactive activities that focus on the weather, animals and lots of other things. There are pirate ships and beach huts, swings and slides, castles and bridges and everything in between! I have to say, watching Finn run so happily with total abandon is a view I will always treasure, and it is sure to brighten up any day. Walking has always been a saviour of mine, and although I don't go on my own very much anymore, it's great for getting Zach to sleep which inturn gives me chance to slow down and process. 

4. Cooking/bakingI adore being in the kitchen. It's one of my happy places. I love trying new recipes and making yummy, wholesome food for us all. Each week I do my meal plan which helps keep everything organised, and I do our grocery shop based around that. This month I'm trying to stretch things a bit further by welcoming back soups and stews (a staple on the Emerald Isle!), and bringing back easy things like Mac and cheese that just feel comforting on dark nights. Finn is certainly embracing new foods, so I'm glad to see him enjoying my food too, and Zach is well into the weaning journey and is hungry the majority of the time! Baking is probably my favourite hobby, again, I relish trying new bakes and pushing my skills a bit. For the last few months I committed to baking at least once a week, which I have stuck to. There have been no complaints about this venture so far! I recently made a caramel-apple crumble which was autumn in a bowl. Making something from scratch is just such a satisfying activity, and it always brings me back to me. 

5. Coffee ShopsTo anyone who knows me, this is an obvious one. Coffee shops are my favourite places, the spots I always go to if I am in need of quiet time. I love taking my laptop and working in one, reading books or going through my favourite magazine (The Simple Things). Again, we are very lucky to have so many good ones locally that are stocked with the most amazing treats and delicious coffee. I love being able to people watch and see the ebb and flow in the background whilst I look up from whatever I'm doing. Even if I can just sit for a few hours a week in one of my favourite coffee spots, I know it helps me so much! I'd add to this that every evening I sit and enjoy a cup of my favourite tea, Yogi Tea Classic blend, which not only soothes my soul as I (hopefully!) get the chance to wind down for a couple of hours, but it also provides a tiny piece of wisdom that I'll conclude with. 

I think because the last couple of months have stretched and challenged us in new ways whilst we try to regain balance, and figure out what we need for ourselves individually to function better, I have regained focus about the things that are truly important to us collectively and how I want to split my own time. Whilst I would love to get out more and catch up with friends, travel, commit to a weekly group, and probably several other things, it just isn't the time right now. This is where my tea-bag wisdom comes in: 

I read this a while ago and think of it often. Sometimes I get so caught up thinking about the things I 'should' or 'could' be doing, that I add pointless extra to pressure to myself. Since reading this quote, I've been working really hard to figure out what 'noise' I can remove so as to increase my enjoyment of the present moment. I know the boys are so happy in their own surroundings, so instead of busting myself to get us to groups and classes, I know they love visiting the park, so that's a better use of our time. We didn't do any extravagant activities like expensive pumpkin patches because I know we wouldn't get much out of it, so we opted for a really simple one we could walk to and loved it! We are keeping our weekends much simpler, opting for slower days wherever we can and taking help if it is offered so that we can recoup a bit. I am working on my high expectations for myself, and reminding myself that I am doing the very best I can, and it's ok that I am finding it hard right now. I'm learning that my capacity is a little lower than usual, but it will come back eventually. I'm prioritising rest, and working on communicating about the things I'm finding challenging, and I've realised that sometimes I don't want or need advice, I just want to be listened to. I think the crux of it is: I need to let myself off the hook. 
P.s. today we had a slow day, which encompassed most of my favourite things; a long walk as a family (and watching Finn run and explore nature), a visit to a 2nd hand book fair, an afternoon in the kitchen making Tom's favourite chicken curry, followed by a first attempt at oreo truffles. Now, it's ending with a hot chocolate by the fire in my cosy blanket with my current book. I hope this week you can find time to enjoy some of the things that are saving your life xo

Read More

On seeking peace.

Looking outside today (4th August), it's hard to believe we're still in summer. I am an autumn person through and through, it's by far my favourite season with all the colours I love, the best comforting food, the cosying up, the crisp air and crunchy walks. I know people think we shouldn't wish time away, but for us, we are entering another new season, so no-one is to stop me bringing out my 'fall decor.' 

Our beautiful Zach is somehow already 6 months. We struck gold twice as he is such a contented, laid-back, resilient boy. Weaning is underway and his two bottom teeth have broken through, with many others to follow according to the dentist after he aced his first appointment. Zach is just happy to be here, and we can't imagine life without him. We are also very grateful that he is now consistently sleeping through the night after a few months of pure exhaustion! Finn is as busy and as curious as ever. He runs everywhere. Most weekends we try squeeze in a visit to soft play so he can be wild and free. We go to different parks as regularly as we can to give him the chance to explore and play, and we are so lucky to live nearby so many great outdoor play areas. I took both boys to a park this week and I just laughed and laughed watching Finn run around the place. His joy is so contagious and it was a good reminder as an adult with lots of responsibilities that we can and should have moments of carefree fun. I wish I could bottle some of what Finn has when he's doing what he loves the most, and I hope we can protect that sense of freedom for as long as possible! 

The new season for us is that I have now officially returned to work. It feels like an awful lot to juggle, and with every twist and turn we've faced, it has often felt impossible to see a way through it as it begins, but somehow we have made it work. So, I'm reminding myself now that we can and will do it. I will be working part-time as before, so at least we don't have to navigate a full week of both of us being at work. But we are ready to implement some changes next month that should allow us to manage the load better between us, and give us a greater sense of control over our schedules. 
Over the last few months, we have been through a lot of different hardships, ones which are personal to us, but have tested us to the limit in various ways. Tom and I have talked at length about how we find a better balance for us as individuals, as a couple and as a family unit and I am confident that moving forward we will be in a much better place. Having two children under two is chaotic and challenging. Generally we don't sit down to rest until 8pm or 9pm after being on the go for 12 or more hours. The task list feels neverending, and we find ourselves to be quite overstimulated some days. We both know we need to invest in ourselves more and ask each other for the space we need to reset our batteries, especially as we are both introverts. For me, I have found my solace in reading, my lifelong favourite hobby, and am enjoying escaping to a good book every evening. I have joined the library again and signed up to their monthly book club which should introduce me to some new people as well as encouraging me to read different things. I've read two of their past recommendations recently which I probably wouldn't have chosen by myself, and somewhat devoured them. I always gravitate toward non-fiction, particularly travel writing or memoirs as I am fascinated by people's journeys and what life has taught them. However, they usually give me the urge to do something radical like drop everything and move to a tiny island. The problem is that Tom would also be in favour of that, so I'd better read something different for a while!
Writing, as I'm doing now, is also one of my favourite outlets. I have a few blog posts in mind, so I'd like to dedicate some down time to that. I enjoy sharing our updates and experiences, and I'd like to expand the blog to something beyond what it has been the last few years,  which is more of a holiday card update every few months. Tom finds his escapism in gaming, so it's nice that we can do our main hobbies simultaneously! This last weekend we were able to enjoy our first roadtrip in a while and that was a special day for us. We know it's something we need to do more often, as travelling gives me back my sense of freedom, and finding new places always re-energises us and helps us to make new memories together. It feels like our 'thing' as that is what we like to do on our holidays - have a place to stay as a base, but spend our days exploring as we go with no set itinerary. 

These are the things that give us our peace back; that and watching our boys laugh and frolic. And these are the things that will become our priority as we continue through the early years of raising our family. 
I just realised at this point that I have forgotten to share probably our biggest news which is that we are engaged! Back in April, Tom arranged for a day out just the two of us to visit our favourite place where we had our first date (and many since then) and got down on one knee overlooking my beloved lake view which I have approximately 1 gazillion pictures of in different seasons. (The best time to take in that view is autumn!) Of course, I said yes. 

Our wedding plans are in full swing with all of the biggest things in place. We only have a few things left to organise which I am trying to spread out over the next few months, and some things need to wait until a few weeks before. But I certainly don't need to be a bridezilla as I've had a secret board on Pinterest since circa 2009, so this wedding has been planned in my head for many years. Of course I never imagined it would take place in Northern Ireland with our two boys in little suits and dickie bows, which all adds to the magic of it. We get married next spring in a beautiful venue overlooking the Lough after 5 1/2  years of being together and exactly one year of engagement. Most of my daydreams feature the wedding at the moment, and it is so wonderful for us to have something so special to look forward to. 
For now, I will conclude this post and spend the last couple of hours starting a new book before turning in. We have a very busy week ahead of us as Tom has to work some of the weekend too, but I am glad to have some extra helpers on hand to share the load. 
Love,S 

Read More

On embracing rural life.

This coming week marks 5 years since I packed up my little car and set sail to new adventures in Northern Ireland. I know I've written many times about how much life has changed since that day, and about how some of my wildest dreams came true after I decided to take the leap. I have always dreamed of living by the sea, and at this point the novelty has not worn off. We felt the affects of our location this weekend after being hit with another storm, but for me it adds to the drama and the beauty of our place. 
Connection to place is really important to me, and I wrote about that in a previous post (if you'd like to read it - follow this link). One of the things I love about living in a small place is that it doesn't take long to feel known or to make connections. I was reminded of this a few times in the last few weeks...once when I bought something random from Facebook Marketplace and stayed chatting with the seller for about 30 mins because it turned out she worked at the nursery with Finn. Another when we went to a local market and had lovely chats with people we've been regular customers of, bought some cakes from a lovely friend at her stall, and was treated to a cup made by a wonderful artist who I'd met at a party. One thing I have really noticed about this area is how much small businesses or artisans try to support each other. There are regular markets or events where you can make purchases from local people with lots of different options. We have so many talented, creative people around these parts and I love being able to see, purchase and support those people where I can. 

One of the downsides of rural living is of course that it takes longer to travel anywhere. It is about a 50 minute round trip to the nearest supermarket for us, and I'm struggling to find a time to go that really suits us now. We have tried having deliveries, but I often find that the choice isn't as good, we get substitutions and then have to visit another shop anyway, or the meat/fresh produce has a very short date so it has to be frozen or gets wasted. I sat and thought about how we could shop in a different way that might take less travel time, could help us budget differently, could support local small businesses and would free up our weekends so we weren't dragging two children around busy shops when they hate it! 

The first thing we have done is made a big list of all the things we need both weekly and monthly to help us keep a track of everything. Our new plan is to have a weekly budget that will help us keep on top of fresh things; dairy, breads, meat, fruit & veg and then do one monthly shop to help us fill in the gaps. We are also trying to budget in cash so we have a set budget for the week and can see exactly what we're spending. I have no idea what other people or families spend on weekly or monthly basis for food & essentials, but what I'm trying to break the habit of is going to smaller shops several times during the week because we tend to easily spend £10+ a time with very little to show for it! 

For the last few weeks we have been visiting local butchers to get all our meat from there with a roughly £20 budget for two of us. I've got advice on which things to freeze and what to use first, and we've been cooking and experimenting with new ingredients which has kept things interesting! That budget would get us a mix of chicken, burgers, sausages, mince, pork chops or a small roasting joint and this covers us for around 5 or 6 meals. The other days we would have something easy from the pantry or freezer and I usually make a slow cooker soup or stew of some sort. We think we've landed on a couple of Butchers that we like and will revisit, and we hope they will get to know the kind of things we are after if we become regular customers. 

We have also found a way of getting fresh fruit, veg & eggs delivered weekly from a local farm. I was surprised about how affordable this would be for us as there is more than enough to serve several meals. Our latest order included leeks, potatoes, carrots, parsnips, eggs, peppers, onions, apples & oranges and it cost less than £11. The quality is great and the size of some of the vegetables is probably two or three times what it would be in the supermarket! I ordered some last minute a few days ago ahead of our Sunday Roast and was met by the farmer himself at their honesty box who had prepared everything in a crate for me to pick up. I thought this would also be a great way for us to buy what's in season rather than rely on lots of imported produce.

Our new way of shopping has also helped me try new recipes which I always enjoy, and I thought I'd share a few of our new regulars here...
Pork Chops
Slow cooker beef + homemade gravy

Tuna Pasta Bake (a good one to use pantry supplies)

Caramelised onions (great with sausages - we had these in brioche hotdog buns!)
Bolognese with Orzo (I use a similar recipe to this but can't link it as it was an Instagram reel, but Orzo is so handy!)

The main goal with all these changes is to have more quality time together, especially on a weekend. We want to make sure our budget allows us to give the boys some fun experiences and to free up what precious time we have together on a weekend instead of visiting supermarkets and busy places. The added benefit of shopping locally means we know exactly where our food is coming from and we can get to know the producers. I also really enjoy the process of making things from scratch and creating good quality meals for us. It's all part of the 'hygge' concept that I adore.
And who knew that by adapting some new habits, we'd bring such a fun object into the house that has now become part of the furniture....

     Much love xx

Read More

On becoming four.

I sit to write this as our second son is on the eve of turning 8 weeks old. I can hardly believe where the last few weeks have gone, but I know that it has been a bit of a blur. I think yesterday was the first time that I felt I could see the wood for the trees as I have started thinking about what my needs are again, and what I need to do to look after me so I can give my best to my family. 

Zachary Arthur joined our family just a few hours after his due date in January. This whole pregnancy seemed to fly by, I think mainly because I worked (part-time) right up until I was due, whilst running around after a very busy toddler and nesting for our new arrival. I feel so grateful that this pregnancy went so smoothly, and although it was a lot more tiring and I had a lot of pelvic discomfort, it went pretty much without a hitch. This time around I had decided against induction as I was determined to do it on my own terms. That did last until just before 40 weeks and I'd turned down induction but then I changed my mind and tried to book it but wasn't allowed until I'd hit 41 weeks as the policy had changed! That spurred me on to help my body begin labour naturally and I can't be sure what helped the most, or if it was a mix of things, but I did enter the early stages of labour on the Sunday before Zach arrived at 6am on the Tuesday. 

It was so strange because I woke up on the Sunday morning and decided we should all go for brunch at a new cafe that we'd been talking about because I didn't think we'd get the chance again. Right as I was getting dressed, I realised that perhaps labour had started so we went straight out before it was too late! Later that evening I did start getting contractions, but they were too far apart for me to go to the hospital. I felt so disappointed that whole day, but as I had childcare, I just did everything I could to get things going. I took a long walk, sat on my pregnancy ball, did the 'miles circuit,' and took a bath. It was after my bath that the contractions came back and started getting stronger. We quickly sorted the house to get the sofa ready for our helpers in case we were told to go the hospital. The timings were still a bit hit and miss, so we decided to go to bed, but it was part way through watching a comedy show on TV that I realised they were getting more painful and closer together. We phoned the hospital and they told us to head up as we are about a 40 minute drive away. My hospital bags were already in the car, so we waited for our help to arrive, I put on my TENS machine (absolute saviour for both labours!) and then we hit the road. I did get really nervous on the way because they seemed to get less frequent and I didn't want to get turned away as I was so ready to have him. 

We were admitted to the 'Emergency Obstetrics Unit' where I was examined and it turned out I was already at 5cm, so we were going home with a baby! The hospital did admit that they messed up again (this happened with my first birth) because nobody had talked through my birthing plan with me, so it all had to be done there and then. We were offered the Home from Home ward again (this is limited on pain relief and is for low risk births) or the labour ward. As I wanted to have another water birth, I said I would do the labour ward if I could have the pool. Thankfully it was available so we moved up to our private room and they got the pool ready. The whole experience was so different this time around. I think because we had 3 midwives with us the whole time who were asking me questions, updating me, encouraging me and supporting me. They also let me have a cup of tea during labour! I decided not to have the IV inserted because it wasn't mandatory and I only had gas and air as  my pain relief the whole time. This is mainly because I don't like how any of the other pain relief is administered (I'm not a big fan of anything medical, so pregnancy and birth has really tested that!) and during my first labour I did have a morphine shot towards the end but I think it was too late to do anything anyway! I spent most of the time in the pool, taking a break to have my waters broken (this speeds things up). I vividly remember having a contraction and saying to T that I couldn't do it anymore because I was in so much pain, but I have learnt since that this is very common and is usually a sign that baby is going to arrive in a few pushes. This time around I listened to my body so much more and waited until it told me to push. After 6 hours in stage 1 labour and a cool 5 minutes (!!) of pushing in the 2nd stage, Zach arrived into my arms. He was a bit shocked, so he had to receive some immediate care in the room which was unnerving for us, but when we heard his cry we knew he was ok. 

Zach and I stayed in overnight in our own little room, which meant we could be checked on regularly and I could get some rest. Although, I would say I slept no more than a couple of hours because we were constantly interrupted by different people so I was absolutely exhausted. Thankfully T dropped off my laptop so I could watch Friends! We were able to come home the next evening after getting signed off and the midwives were arranged to come to our house the next morning. We headed home to begin our life as a family of four...

Finn has adapted incredibly well to our new noisy addition. The first thing he says to me every morning is "Zachy?" and it melts me. He loves tapping his head or helping put his dummy in. His routine has remained the same, and I think this has helped him adjust to us sharing our attention with two of them. I am so proud of how much he takes everything in his stride! The first few weeks for us were very challening as Zach fed so much and sleep was fairly non-existent. I think for me the broken sleep is the killer, so we had to keep taking it in turns to settle Zach at night and either sleep on the sofa or bring him up in the early hours of the morning. I think we are now taking a really positive turn as Zach is taking bigger feeds which is helping him settle so much more. He is happy sleeping in his next-to-me and loves having white noise on in the background. He also loves being in the bath, so we will soon increase that to be part of his daily routine to encourage him to get some really good rest. 

As I mentioned at the beginning, I have been so all consumed by motherhood and running our home that I have totally neglected myself. This can only go on for so long before you hit burnout, and I think in the last week or so that's where I ended up. T and I have had long conversations about what I need and how he can support me to get that. I think my biggest struggle is switching off whilst I'm at home, so we agreed that what I need to do is take some time, even a few hours a week, to get out of the house and go for a beach walk, visit the shops (just for fun, not for errands!), to see or call a friend, to sit in a coffee shop, to read somewhere or even just go for a drive. He encouraged me to go out yesterday for a couple of hours and it was amazing how much difference it made for me. I had a lovely long paddle in the sea and it just brought me back to earth and gave me space to think. I reminded myself that I can't pour from an empty cup. I also need to remember not to 'sweat the small stuff,' and when I do slow down and reflect back, I can see that we have done our very best and we are doing a good job. Our boys are so happy and any time I see their beautiful smiles, it's all the encouragement I need. 

My plan for the next few weeks is to take each day as it comes and to make the very most of this precious time I have with my boys before I return to work. It hit me yesterday that I won't get this time back again, so I want to soak every last minute of it up, even though some days are hard! I need to be much, much kinder to myself and focus more on the positives. I also need to slow down and let myself take a break when I need it. I want to find some space to do something creative and perhaps find a new hobby outside the house. I want to pick my blog back up a bit more as it is so theraputic for me to write, and I'm enjoying having more time to cook/bake and try out new recipes/meal plans for us. We recently got a new dining table as we haven't really sat together as a family for while and I love getting that ready for us to enjoy evening meals together. It always helps reconnect us as it's such a special time away from screens to sit and catch up with each other. I feel so incredibly grateful for my little family, and for all the support in various forms from family and friends both nearby and afar. We could not have got through this huge change on our own and our boys are so lucky to have them in their 'village.'

As I conclude this post...I would love any of your TV/Movie/YouTube/Podcast/Hobby/Book or Audiobook recommendations to help me switch off! 

Much love, 

S x

Read More