On seeking peace.

Looking outside today (4th August), it's hard to believe we're still in summer. I am an autumn person through and through, it's by far my favourite season with all the colours I love, the best comforting food, the cosying up, the crisp air and crunchy walks. I know people think we shouldn't wish time away, but for us, we are entering another new season, so no-one is to stop me bringing out my 'fall decor.' 

Our beautiful Zach is somehow already 6 months. We struck gold twice as he is such a contented, laid-back, resilient boy. Weaning is underway and his two bottom teeth have broken through, with many others to follow according to the dentist after he aced his first appointment. Zach is just happy to be here, and we can't imagine life without him. We are also very grateful that he is now consistently sleeping through the night after a few months of pure exhaustion! Finn is as busy and as curious as ever. He runs everywhere. Most weekends we try squeeze in a visit to soft play so he can be wild and free. We go to different parks as regularly as we can to give him the chance to explore and play, and we are so lucky to live nearby so many great outdoor play areas. I took both boys to a park this week and I just laughed and laughed watching Finn run around the place. His joy is so contagious and it was a good reminder as an adult with lots of responsibilities that we can and should have moments of carefree fun. I wish I could bottle some of what Finn has when he's doing what he loves the most, and I hope we can protect that sense of freedom for as long as possible! 

The new season for us is that I have now officially returned to work. It feels like an awful lot to juggle, and with every twist and turn we've faced, it has often felt impossible to see a way through it as it begins, but somehow we have made it work. So, I'm reminding myself now that we can and will do it. I will be working part-time as before, so at least we don't have to navigate a full week of both of us being at work. But we are ready to implement some changes next month that should allow us to manage the load better between us, and give us a greater sense of control over our schedules. 
Over the last few months, we have been through a lot of different hardships, ones which are personal to us, but have tested us to the limit in various ways. Tom and I have talked at length about how we find a better balance for us as individuals, as a couple and as a family unit and I am confident that moving forward we will be in a much better place. Having two children under two is chaotic and challenging. Generally we don't sit down to rest until 8pm or 9pm after being on the go for 12 or more hours. The task list feels neverending, and we find ourselves to be quite overstimulated some days. We both know we need to invest in ourselves more and ask each other for the space we need to reset our batteries, especially as we are both introverts. For me, I have found my solace in reading, my lifelong favourite hobby, and am enjoying escaping to a good book every evening. I have joined the library again and signed up to their monthly book club which should introduce me to some new people as well as encouraging me to read different things. I've read two of their past recommendations recently which I probably wouldn't have chosen by myself, and somewhat devoured them. I always gravitate toward non-fiction, particularly travel writing or memoirs as I am fascinated by people's journeys and what life has taught them. However, they usually give me the urge to do something radical like drop everything and move to a tiny island. The problem is that Tom would also be in favour of that, so I'd better read something different for a while!
Writing, as I'm doing now, is also one of my favourite outlets. I have a few blog posts in mind, so I'd like to dedicate some down time to that. I enjoy sharing our updates and experiences, and I'd like to expand the blog to something beyond what it has been the last few years,  which is more of a holiday card update every few months. Tom finds his escapism in gaming, so it's nice that we can do our main hobbies simultaneously! This last weekend we were able to enjoy our first roadtrip in a while and that was a special day for us. We know it's something we need to do more often, as travelling gives me back my sense of freedom, and finding new places always re-energises us and helps us to make new memories together. It feels like our 'thing' as that is what we like to do on our holidays - have a place to stay as a base, but spend our days exploring as we go with no set itinerary. 

These are the things that give us our peace back; that and watching our boys laugh and frolic. And these are the things that will become our priority as we continue through the early years of raising our family. 
I just realised at this point that I have forgotten to share probably our biggest news which is that we are engaged! Back in April, Tom arranged for a day out just the two of us to visit our favourite place where we had our first date (and many since then) and got down on one knee overlooking my beloved lake view which I have approximately 1 gazillion pictures of in different seasons. (The best time to take in that view is autumn!) Of course, I said yes. 

Our wedding plans are in full swing with all of the biggest things in place. We only have a few things left to organise which I am trying to spread out over the next few months, and some things need to wait until a few weeks before. But I certainly don't need to be a bridezilla as I've had a secret board on Pinterest since circa 2009, so this wedding has been planned in my head for many years. Of course I never imagined it would take place in Northern Ireland with our two boys in little suits and dickie bows, which all adds to the magic of it. We get married next spring in a beautiful venue overlooking the Lough after 5 1/2  years of being together and exactly one year of engagement. Most of my daydreams feature the wedding at the moment, and it is so wonderful for us to have something so special to look forward to. 
For now, I will conclude this post and spend the last couple of hours starting a new book before turning in. We have a very busy week ahead of us as Tom has to work some of the weekend too, but I am glad to have some extra helpers on hand to share the load. 
Love,S 

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On finding our place.

I can't believe it's coming up to four years since I moved to NI. The amount that has happened in that time, both good & bad, is impossible to quantify! Having moved around a few times, I've learnt that there are certain things I need to have in place before somewhere truly feels like "home." I'm sure this list would be different for everyone, but it dawned on me this week that I do feel like I've finally found my feet here, particularly in the village we have lived in for almost a year. 

Walking is truly one of my favourite pastimes, not only is it the best way to get to know a place, but I find it helps you notice the seasons more as you watch the colours changing. And now I have a buddy with me! I take Finn on walks as often as I can because it is so good for us both to get out for some fresh air. It's the best time for me to clear my mind & he usually falls asleep as he loves the white noise & being cosy in his pram. We went down the road one day this week & that is what inspired this post. As we set off, we saw our neighbour coming back from a dog walk & he warned me it was a bit wild by the seafront. We also waved at a fellow regular baby-walker (I think he's a grandad) who always wears a flourescent yellow jacket whilst speed-walking with his pram & goes out at a similar time to me. We saw Tom's Nana's knitting friend who likes to look out for Finn as we walk past her house most days & she regularly hears about him & we waved at one of two delivery drivers who love to chat to us when they drop parcels off. The one who I know a bit better asked me this week if & when Finn would be getting a sibling!! Once we got home, I sat & thought about how nice it is to walk around & feel like you know people in your area. For this reason, a regular walking spot is definitely something I need in "my place." 

I have a few different walks that I used to do most weekends by myself as Tom is usually working but I'm only just starting to feel brave enough to do those by myself with Finn. It's a lot to get used to all the extra things you need to take with you & I like to go out as soon as he's finished a feed because that gives me maximum time to relax & enjoy the walk & usually a coffee. Funnily enough, most of my favourite walks end up in a good coffee shop, which I'll talk about more below. But, if you're ever in the area, these are my favourites: 

Bridewell Coffee - Donaghadee // Firebox - Ballywalter // Haptik - Newtownards // Copeland Distillery - Donaghadee // Joxer - Bangor // Lekker - Greyabbey

It will be unsurprising for many who know me, but finding the right 'regular' coffee shop is an absolute must. I was recently thinking about the coffee shop back home that we spent half of our teenage years in - it was always our meeting point & we spent every Saturday in there for years, plus at some point nearly all my friends worked there, including myself. They did such a good chicken & pesto mayo sandwich that I need to recreate! Since then, I've not really had my regular spot. But I stumbled upon one recently (pictured above & below) that I went to with a visiting friend & just knew it was the one. It's pretty tiny but it has a gorgeous view, lovely coffee & locally made treats plus a nice little walk around the grounds that we can enjoy afterwards. We had a visit there yesterday & it was such a sweet little trip where Finn fell asleep so I enjoyed a hot coffee in peace.

There are lots of other things that I think make a place feel like home. I am not really one for getting 'pampered,' but I do love getting my nails done & had my favourite spot in Yorkshire that I loved going to for different treatments. I've been looking for the right place for a while & have finally found someone who is local & does my nails how I like them. She is very reasonably priced & getting my nails done is one of the only times I go out in an evening these days so it's something I want to keep up with when I can a few times a year. I just went recently & decided to go super girly with pink & a glitter top! 

I mentioned in the last post that we are busy making changes in our home to make it more functional. A few different things arrived this week so we are almost ready to start the re-arranging. We need to choose a paint colour for the only room we are painting & then we can start building the furniture. I was able to shift a lot of our other things through Marketplace which has freed up some space & then this week I plan on going to a couple of my favourite charity shops to drop off some donations. I've never used Vinted but I want to sit & put some baby clothes on there & see how that goes! We've just put down the classic foam tiles so Finn can test out tummy-time & laying on his back on there. I bought them before he was born because they were on offer (!) but the health visitor came this week & said he is definitely ready to roll (at 3 months!) so we want to give him a comfortable space to test that out. I ordered one new print with a quote that I have loved for many years & found the cutest design from Violet & Alfie via Etsy (they were all discounted!) so I am excited to find a frame for that & add it to the corner of the living room that I'm imagining will be a bit of a reading nook. 

This week has been a much better pace for me than the weeks that preceeded & I am definitely starting to feel more on top of things. I've enjoyed being back in the kitchen because I've hardly cooked lately so this week I wrote a big list & went out to do the food shop whilst Tom was at home with Finn. It feels like forever since I had a meal plan but this week I made Tom's favourite 'fruity curry,' a beef hotpot & I've put our favourite BBQ pulled chicken in the slow cooker for tonight. We've had some lovely walks but taken it easy after Finn had his 2nd vaccinations this week. I started taking vitamins again & feel like I have more energy, plus it helped me finally kick my sore throat post-Covid! Everything just feels a lot more peaceful, something which I hope will continue for as long as possible. 

Much love xx 

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On walking and peace.

A couple of years ago on one of my internet based tangents, I stumbled upon a book called 'The little book of Hygge' by Meik Wiking. Intrigued, I added it to my Christmas List and read it in one sitting. I loved every page. The concept of Hygge; cosiness, togetherness, slowing down, being present - these were all things I wanted to do more and be less 'busy.' I became obsessed with buying candles and trying to create a cosy atmosphere to invite people into. Sitting around a fire, putting on blankets, drinking hot chocolates and having slow days with people I love - it put such a different spin on what was already my favourite season (autumn) leading into what felt like a very long winter last year.

As soon as spring came, I decided it was time to put the blankets to one side and step out to enjoy the sun whilst it lasted (being classically British and pessimistic toward the weather). When the nights became longer, I started going on evening walks - just locally or in nearby parks. It became part of my rhythm and soon, part of my freedom and healing. 

Until I started walking and taking a break from screens, I didn't realise how busy my head had become. There wasn't much space for creativity or new ideas, not much silence or being in the here and now. It's funny how something so simple can be so profound. But I started to notice so much more; different trees, beautiful flowers, animals, birdsong, strangers walking their dogs, the views, the wind or the sound of silence. Walking started to bring me back to the moment and began to make way for new ideas, solutions to work problems, changes to make or things to let go. In fact, I've written this blog post in my head on just about every walk I've been on lately! 

My very good friend suggested a book she thought I might like which I decided to rent as an audiobook and I was genuinely (!) really sad when it ended. It was called Walking Home by Clare Balding (a famous sports commentator in the UK) which she narrated herself. It was such a lovely book - filled with stories about walking; the different journeys she and others had taken and how walking had in some way become quite transformative for them. Clare presented a radio show where she would go on walks with people she hadn't met before and interviewed them on the way (I still need to listen out for that!) and some of the groups were formed for specific purposes - grief or bereavement, mental health, fitness and many others.

I also read A Philosophy of Walking by Frédéric Gros which was so interesting and I discovered that I certainly am not the first person to find walking to be a healing balm. Gros said 'You don't walk to kill time but to welcome it, to pick off it's leaves and petals one by one, second by second.' Another book that ties together mindfulness and walking along with offering practical tips is Walk: The path to a slower, more mindful life by Sholto Radford.  

There has been a lot of unexpected change in my life recently and for me, walking has helped me to stay mindful - to be here, thankful for what is in front of me, appreciative of nature and my surroundings and staying grounded. It's been a season of putting one foot in front of the other, sometimes going round in circles but in small ways moving forwards, never feeling worse for stepping out the door. It's given me fresh perspective and a healthier, more peaceful mind as well as keeping my body moving and motivated. What became a way to make the most of the good weather has now become a positive part of my routine and I can feel my own strength returning to me.

I don't normally take my phone with me now, but I've managed to capture a few of the moments of beauty here: 

Feeling like a challenge; I decided to sign up to do a fundraising event for a local hospice which involves doing a 13 mile midnight walk on Saturday 8th September. I think it will be a good way to push myself whilst thinking of and doing something tangible for others and to walk alongside people who have different stories to me.

I'd love to hear any tips, any great walks you've done or how walking has helped you so please feel free to share!

Love, 

S x

(P.s. If you would like to sponsor me for the walk - follow this link - all funds will go directly to Overgate Hospice). 

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Retreat.

Howdy partners! I will eventually stop apologising for the lack of updates of late and just start a post like a normal person, but for now - I am sorry for the break!

This weekend, I was blessed by the gift of a retreat in a beautiful center in Quarryville, Pennsylvania. Some of the women from a Church we have worked with before, in fact I met them the very first week I arrived in Delaware when I experienced my first retreat with our kids and theirs, invited me to join them free of charge on their annual women's retreat. This one was quite a different experience than the first! It was yet again in a beautiful area and was surrounded by woodland and a heck of a lot of snow. I was so ready for some rest and time in a different environment with new faces so I was really excited to go. 

I was able to travel with some of the wonderful women I get to work with at Urban Promise and had a great time hanging out with them some more. The schedule was pretty jam packed as these weekends often are so I was most looking forward to free time on Saturday afternoon. I absolutely love walking and exploring my surroundings so I was quick to take a hike! 

Saturday was such a lovely afternoon, the sun was finally shining and the snow was melting. Of course, I didn't consider the implications of ankle deep snow melting as I was walking but miraculously, I didn't fall over once! It was so muddy and pretty difficult to walk through the paths but that just added to the adventure. 

I decided to follow the trail to see the lake as I had heard it was a pretty site. I will mention at this point that I had taken loads of photos on my camera but somehow my iPhoto imported and erased them all and they are gone from the memory card :( I guess those memories are to be stored only in my head, sorry! UPDATE: I found the photos! Alas, I always take pictures on my phone so there are some survivors. I arrived at the lake to see it was completely frozen over so I just had to imagine there was water under there:

I sat down on one of the benches like the one you see above for about 30 minutes. It was so nice just to hear the sound of the brook next to me and the birds singing. There was no-one around to talk to but I could just sit and lift my head toward the sun. It felt blissful.

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
     He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
     he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.

Psalm 23:1-3

As I was looking up towards the sun, I noticed a rather large bird in the distance. I watched it for a little while thinking it was just a hawk or something but then it got substantially closer, to where it was circling right above my head and I realised it was an eagle. 

I don't remember seeing one quite like this before. The way it just silently glided through the sky was quite mesmerising. I was pretty blown away! 

Even youths grow tired and weary,
    and young men stumble and fall;
 but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:30-31

After a short time relaxing, I decided I should probably move on because I wasn't sure what time the sun would be setting. I walked towards the stairs you can see in the picture above, the snow there was much deeper than it looked and the bottom half of the stairs was engulfed in snow. I realised I probably shouldn't have decided to do that but, too late! As I was out of the danger zone, I saw a sign saying 'Do you have all of your belongings?' Always a good question. I turned around to check that I did and in the distance, saw my trusty companion to every journey - my purple water bottle sitting on the bench I had been sat at. Chaos ensued in my head as I debated whether it was worth climbing back down those stairs for something so easily replaceable yet so handy. In the end, I decided to leave it thinking that if anyone took that path, they may retrieve it and we could have a beautiful reunion. 

 On with the journey. I had a map with me and felt overly confident in my ability to navigate but thought there wasn't much chance of me getting lost because my trail was only about 1.5 miles. I started to follow the path down hill after seeing a sign for the trail I was looking for. I kept walking and then came to an area which looked like it had never seen a trail before. I stopped to look around but couldn't see a sign anywhere that would point me in the right direction. Everything sort of looked the same. I started to panic slightly knowing that I had walked a fair way from the lake, had no cell phone on me  and didn't know when the sun would go down. I started to climb back up the hill through trees and branches, ducking and climbing, trying not to slip. I reached a clearing and found a big hill that looked fairly dry and I just started to run. By this point I was envisioning bears. Lots of bears. Big, huge scary bears who would eat me. Then I realised, if I were truly lost - someone would see my water bottle, my saving grace, and would find this lost, terrible map reader and rescue her. As I reached the top of the hill, I bumped into someone else from the retreat who seemed to be having the time of her life so I realised that I wasn't really lost at all. I just have a wild imagination. She encouraged me to head back and pick up my waterbottle because it matched my jumper so well. Following this logic, I took her advice and attempted the stairs once more:

Target's finest waterbottle.

Now I was back on the path I knew and loved and was able to get back to the center. I stumbled upon a friend and a cute rabbit in the nature center who 'liked to have her nose petted.' She loved that nose rubbing.

The end of an adventurous day!

We also entered daylight savings time so lost an hour of sleep which is never what you want to hear when you're still playing a game at 12:30am and breakfast is at 8am. 

To conclude, I often find that I get more out of weekends like this one when I'm wandering around outside by myself but I did really enjoy my time there with everyone else. We focussed on beauty, how we were each created uniquely, born with gifts and talents that show our attractiveness not solely based on our outward appearance. We talked about ways to let go of our fears and strongholds and move forwards in the truth that we have a beautiful creator and we are made to reflect Him, no matter what words may have been spoken over us. We also ate WAY too many snacks. But, who the heck cares. We are women and we love to snack.  

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Happy Easter!

Happy Easter Everyone, I hope you have a wonderful day! Today I had the privilege of hearing 4 incredible testimonies of how God has and is transforming the lives of ordinary people with less than perfect pasts. Just like He did with me. Plus I am about to have a roast dinner. 

Much Love xxx 

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