'You Learn by Living' Part 2 - Fear.

Welcome to the second part of my series based on this lovely book. The topic of this blog is fear. A topic that, if you have read anything else on here (bar the recipes!) you will know appears often in my writing. When I saw that this book had a whole chapter devoted to this subject, I read it pretty eagerly. The more I read, the more I realise how much this inspirational woman achieved, and she did it with a wonderful humility.

Linking back to the first part of this series, the focus there was based on the concept of 'lifelong learning' i.e. we stand to learn something from every experience we have in life whether good, bad or ugly. (Had to get my second cowboy reference in there as yesterday I finally got to see 'Django Unchained,' and can't stop thinking about it.) This serves as a continuation from that.

'You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.'

So much of our lives is spent running away from things that truly scare us. Of course, it is easier to stay within that zone of comfort because it is scarier to step out of it. We can easily avoid dealing with things that we are afraid of; if we are scared of the dark, sleep with the light on. If we are scared of heights, avoid bridges and mountains. If we are afraid of roller-coasters, don't go to a theme park. Avoiding the problem doesn't make it go away, it just puts it to sleep for a little while until it crops up again. But why do we let ourselves live like this? We only truly find our courage when we face one fear, and realise that it wasn't as hard as we first thought - then we have strength to fight something the next time that is potentially more difficult.

'I haven't ever believed that anything supported by fear can stand against freedom from fear. Surely we cannot be so stupid as to let ourselves become shackled by senseless fears.' 

These fears might not only be in the league of 'spiders' and other such things. There are other fears. The ones that make us worry about what other people think of us. The way we look, dress, talk, where we work, the decisions that we make. I know recently I faced up to a decision I knew I had to make, but I was scared to on the basis of what others would think of it. I left a group of which I had been a part for many years. It wasn't easy to do, but I knew I had to - even if for a short time. This group happened to be a Church. I was worried about leaving because I knew people would question it, but the truth is - I just wasn't going for the right reasons anymore. I was going because that's what I did, I was expected to. But that's not why you go to Church. I miss them. But I sit here knowing it was the right decision because it has set me free. I was anxious about facing up to it, making excuses but in the end I had to bite the bullet, whether it confused people or not. 

'Since everybody is an individual, nobody can be you. You are unique. No-one can tell you how to use your time. It is yours. Your life is your own. You mould it. You make it. All anyone can do is to point out ways and means which have been helpful to others.'

If anything, my Faith has grown because it has given me space to realise that a lot of my 'wants' and 'dreams' were not based on what I truly wanted for my life, and what I thought was right for my life - moreover they had been based on what I had seen others do in their life and thought that was the obvious path for me. I know realise that isn't the truth. I need people around me who will encourage my strange and unconventional dreams and will support me at any cost to get there rather than shrink them to give me happiness now, rather than to wait a while longer. I'm getting quite good at waiting. 

'Do the things that interest you and do them with all your heart. Don't be concerned about whether people are watching you or criticising you. It's your attention to yourself that is so stultifying. But you have to disregard yourself as completely as possible. If you fail the first time, you just have to try harder the second time.'

We naturally think too hard, I am extremely guilty of that. I have a tendency to over-analyse but can often use that to work in my favour. At times, I just have to stop myself, and do what I need to do. When I withdrew from Facebook - it seemed like a crazy decision. I threw so much of my life on there, (as does everyone) I was 'friends' with people I barely saw and what would be a supposed ten minute flick through often turned to hours of getting sucked in to reading updates about other peoples lives. I can tell you now, I have not missed it one bit. I think we're all better off without it, and better with real, authentic friendships. People throw all-sorts of information on there based on insecurities and 'oh look at me.' I think we would be better off being truly honest with the people that are in front of us to help us face our fears; loneliness, abandonment, rejection, loss. Real fears that are there everyday, that control us and consume us. We are afraid to burden each other even though that is why we have friends in the first place - to share in the joys AND the sorrows. Those friends who truly love us, will endure through difficulties alongside us, because why wouldn't they?

'I learned to stare down each of my fears, conquer it, attain the hard earned courage to go on to the next. Only then was I really free.'

When we begin to look at our lives, at our fears and insecurities, as we open up to those whom we love and can trust - we find the strength to face up to them. It's a part of life that isn't nice and flowery, more likely painful - but it has to be worth it if it sets us free. I hope this has encouraged you!

Much Love xxx