Sorry I've been a bit quiet lately! I've just had yet another trip, which involved visiting my beloved Chester for the first time since I left it. It was such a wonderful yet overwhelming time which I have not yet had time to process as I've not stopped until right now. It felt so good to see the faces that once surrounded me every day which became absent for these past 16 or so weeks. It was also great to see the ones I didn't see so much as we all picked up where we left off. I got lots of time to catch up with familiar faces (one of which I hadn't seen in over a year) to come up to speed with what changes have occurred in our lives. I left feeling incredibly blessed, and thankful that those friendships still remain, whether I am there or not.
I read this excellent article yesterday which really got me thinking further about this. I'm in a similar situation to this woman, aside from the fact that I have returned home and am not in a new place with a husband. As I spoke to people back in Chester about 'what I am now doing with my life,' I began to become frustrated. I don't have a 'label' at the moment. I started to think that's all I need and then I'll be fine. I need to be able to say, 'Hi, I'm Sarah and I'm a _____________' youth worker, receptionist, administrator, student worker, support worker, teaching assistant etc. The more I have thought about what it is that I want to 'be,' the more confused I become. I feel like there are a lot of things that I could 'do' and love, especially when thinking about employment - you should see everything I have applied for, it varies quite substantially! But that doesn't make me who I am.
If people talk about me, I don't want them to just thinking 'oh yeah she was great at making spreadsheets' or 'she made great cupcakes,' (though I would of course appreciate that!) I want something more. As I've tried to reach the core of what I want, I realise it is this. I want people to say 'she was really good at loving.' The more I continue this journey with God, I realise how incredible He is at loving not just me - but His creation. I find it so overwhelming. That I, so insignificant could have been created by the same God that created things such as this:
I read this excellent article yesterday which really got me thinking further about this. I'm in a similar situation to this woman, aside from the fact that I have returned home and am not in a new place with a husband. As I spoke to people back in Chester about 'what I am now doing with my life,' I began to become frustrated. I don't have a 'label' at the moment. I started to think that's all I need and then I'll be fine. I need to be able to say, 'Hi, I'm Sarah and I'm a _____________' youth worker, receptionist, administrator, student worker, support worker, teaching assistant etc. The more I have thought about what it is that I want to 'be,' the more confused I become. I feel like there are a lot of things that I could 'do' and love, especially when thinking about employment - you should see everything I have applied for, it varies quite substantially! But that doesn't make me who I am.
If people talk about me, I don't want them to just thinking 'oh yeah she was great at making spreadsheets' or 'she made great cupcakes,' (though I would of course appreciate that!) I want something more. As I've tried to reach the core of what I want, I realise it is this. I want people to say 'she was really good at loving.' The more I continue this journey with God, I realise how incredible He is at loving not just me - but His creation. I find it so overwhelming. That I, so insignificant could have been created by the same God that created things such as this:
You may not believe that, but I do with every fibre of my being. I believe I have seen God in my life and in others and I believe that He is the one who is responsible for all the amazing people I have in my life, both friends and family. All the incredible opportunities I have had so far, all of the laughter I have enjoyed, the strength I now have after going through trials and everything that awaits me in my future. I was brought to a place where I recognised that God was there so I seek to find Him in all my situations.
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
I believe that God works for the good of His children. I don't think all situations are good but if we change our mind set and see it from different eyes, I believe that gives us power to change our situations. I for one want to live in freedom, freedom to love and be myself - the person I was created to be. If that means being the one who says what everyone else is thinking then so be it. If that means that sometimes I'm accidentally a bit too honest then I will apologise. All I want to be is your true friend, and a person that loves you no matter what you do. I was forgiven, and you deserve the same. I was brought out of darkness into light and hurt in to love and you should have that too. That is what I want to 'be.' A job will come for me when the time is right but in the meantime, I have other things to be thinking about. How can I love you better?
Much Love xxx
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