'I Am who I say I Am.'

It's been a little while since I have tip tapped; a few of us have had an unwelcome visit from a nasty but brief stomach bug, added to the general busyness of life - which meant I had little time to stop and think. Plus, now that my town has a cinema & Breaking Dawn Part 2 has been released - I've been a little preoccupied (i'm not ashamed to admit that I guess I am officially a 'twihard.')

However, I had a bit of time today after a nice conversation with my friend in my favourite quirky town to begin reading a book I had promised my friend I would take a look at so we could then discuss it. We agreed to do one chapter at a time, and the fact that I am writing after one chapter may well tell you that it is a good one! The book is here; check it out. Though I'm only just starting it has already given me some food for thought.

I know parts of it link back to posts I've written here in the past, based around trying to define ourselves with 'roles' and 'titles.' I've also written here before about one of my favourite subjects; contentment. This links to that too. I want to share this paragraph first of all:

'Jesus' sense of identity is striking. He has personal confidence, strength and security - as comfortable in urban Jerusalem as in rural Galilee. He can talk to the religious leaders of the Sanhedrin as easily as to a leper or roadside beggar. He can creatively diffuse hostile theological questions set to trap him by Scribes and Pharisees, and with equal skill calm the traumatised. Jesus is as relaxed at the meal table with tax collectors and prostitutes as he is at a banquet laid on by a local dignitary. When a woman of ill repute publicly kisses his feet, her actions cause him no embarrassment whatsoever, though everyone around is scandalised. He breaks the traditions of Sabbath keeping when he considers it necessary, but is quite happy to comply with social expectations when matters of justice or integrity are not at stake.'

I love this. It shows Jesus as a man who knew who he was. He knew what he stood for, and he was completely comfortable with that. He didn't need to answer to anyone because he was completely at ease with his identity. This meant he would relate to anyone, in exactly the same manner regardless of occupation/past/history/rank etc. This is such a great aspect to the man that Jesus was. I think it's one of the things that made him so radical. So if we are to follow this example, what do we need to do?

We need to throw off insecurity, fear, desire to please people, lack of confidence and instead; embrace who we are. The good parts and the bad parts. There are parts of me that I just can't escape - for example, i'm a complete introvert. I get energy when i'm away from people, if i've been around people for too many hours in a day I get stressed, I lose patience and I need to shut myself away and watch a film or something to sort myself out! I can't get away from that, because it is ME. I am also very honest, perhaps at times a bit too honest but it's ok, i'm also alright at apologising when I need to! I have reached a point in my life whereby I know myself, I know who I am and I comfortable with that - both inside and outside. I don't think people are often prepared to meet someone who is secure because it can appear slightly intimidating. Don't get me wrong, I am not 100% free from insecurity; but I am well aware of the insecurities I do have and I make a conscious effort to stop those getting out of control. Insecurity can most definitely be overcome & it MUST be!

One of things we are really good at is the art of comparing ourselves to others. The old, 'I wish I had hair like her,' 'If only I were as funny as he is' or 'they have it all together, why would they understand me?' I know I do it all the time. But it's not helpful for us! Instead of always looking at what others are doing/acting like we need to think about who WE are, are we being real? Are we being true to ourselves? What can I change about my thoughts to make me love who I am better? We can't ignore that loving ourselves IS important as it helps us to extend that love to others. We were not designed to hate ourselves or dislike who we are, quite the opposite. Why not channel your energy away from what you aren't, what 'they' are, and think about who you are. You are a beautiful, unique creation afterall...


I read this on a tweet this morning and thought it summed this all up very well:

"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought."
Matthew 5:5

Contentment with your situation and/or yourself is the best place you can be. It's a battle to stay there - don't get me wrong and we naturally have our up and down days but I can sit here and say that I am at ease with who I am, not defined by what I do or have done, but just because as I am me. 

http://www.minnamayblog.com/

Much Love xxx

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'He restores my soul...'

Today I have had a day to myself. Sometimes, these are my favourite types of days and I started to get excited this morning at the thought of it so I thought I would share my relaxing adventure. Seeing as though I was up early, and by early I mean 9am - which is impressive considering I am way behind on sleep. I am not counting my appointment at the job centre or my 1am job application writing as exciting, but they were what spurred me on to sieze the day.


Following my appointment, I popped into Costa, where I had some time to get lost in my new book, and enjoy my favourite coffee shop drink; Skinny Vanilla Latte:

After this, I thought I would check out our health food shop - they sell such exciting food and drink that you don't get to have every day, so I treated myself to these badboys:

I had a cup of the Bright Mood tea and it was lovely, it tasted a bit Christmassy, and I LOVE CHRISTMAS.

Following this, I got out my favourite movies:

Enjoyed a bit of my guilty pleasure....

And now, I am sat with my favourite cup, watching the Olympics:

So, why am I telling you all of this? Well. Life has been a bit stressful lately, it's been a very tough adjustment and a lot of changes to cope with at once. I have filled in job application after job application and seem to be getting nowhere quickly. Losing most of my independence has been difficult and remains to be a test of my patience. Plans have been changed at the last minute, which adds to my feelings of losing control of everything. But here's the thing. Things in life don't always go our way, or the way we think they should go. Realistically, I have no idea what is around the corner. It could be anything, it might mean moving away, getting a good job and being able to afford my own place, moving in with a friend, starting over, working part time etc etc. I just don't know, and it's the first time in my life that I've felt like I don't know. I've always been in the safety net of education, meaning I knew where I would be until graduation. And now, my time in the 'real world' is actually here. In all honesty, it's pretty scary. But I know that what I need to do right now is wait. And we all love waiting don't we? Especially in this instant society, where everything I want can be at my finger tips at the push of a button. 

I went to our women's Bible study last week and we discussed this. We talked about how people would wait and wait and wait and wait for the promises they were given by God to come to fruition. They just trusted that He would be faithful, and played the waiting game. Do we know how to do this anymore? I'm not so sure. 'I want it now,' we are good at saying. But when it comes to waiting just a little while longer, we just can't do it. I'm sure in America that if your order in McDonalds takes longer than 60 seconds, you get it free - it's something ridiculous like that. We don't want to wait for quality anymore, we dont want to save up and wait for a gormet meal, we'd rather have a burger that's probably never seen a cow in its life to fill that hole as quickly as possible. What is that about? Why wouldn't we rather wait for the best? I miss the days when we used to save our pocket money up for something good at the end, it seems like that is something we have lost and I feel quite challenged by this at the moment (being a rubbish saver.)

Going back to these great folk who were good at waiting - how did they do it? 'It was by Faith.'  ¹ Faith means being sure of the things we hope for and knowing that something is real even if we do not see it. ² Faith is the reason we remember great people who lived in the past. Hebrews 11:1-2. The people listed in this chapter 'did not receive what God had promised.' But did they need to? Their Faith made these promises REAL. I am sure their reward is in heaven with them. But what does this mean for us? I think it means that we need to grow in Faith and learn to wait. I need to wait for God to provide for me in His timing, not my own. I need to have faith that my life rests in the palm of his hands, and that He is in control and not me. I need to learn to be content with my circumstances and seek his will in this difficult and unrestful time. I need to remember all the times I have not been let down by God, and hold this promise for the future.

  ^"Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

Rest is what I need, and today - rest was what I sought. 

Much Love xxx

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'I've got some new socks!'

Today I went to the park. It turned out to be a very lovely day, made complete by the return of the British Summer which is always nice because our nation are happy when that happens. Whilst we were sat in the giant sandpit, a random child came up to me to tell me he had some new socks. For him, this was really exciting news. This is what I love about children. To them, everything is so exciting. I love it when kids say 'oh wow!' to absolutely everything. There's something so refreshing about it. When I was wandering through Halifax the other day, I heard a kid shouting that he was going on an adventure. I remember thinking it was probably just a trip to a shop he liked or something, but to him it was a big expedition. I love that. 


When we were in Arizona, I experienced a moment that I don't think I will forget. We went to Kitt Peak, to observe the stars and one of the guys there was called Geronimo. What an incredible name, that guy was destined for greatness. He was self taught, and hands down, one of the most passionate people I have ever met. I remember a moment where we were all stood outside with our star maps looking up at the sky when all of a sudden this burst of joy came out so loud that I physically jumped and let out a little yelp. Geronimo saw a shooting star. I can't describe his excitement, at a site he must see most days of his life. But there was something so special about that.


The Bible talks about having Child Like Faith. I thought these little anecdotes painted a nice little picture of that. The more we learn about the world, the more we see evil everywhere. We see mindless killings, slavery, trafficking, abuse, the list goes on. The more we see of this, the less faith we have in the world and the more cynical we become. Especially with British humour - if you were as excited as Geronimo about everything in life - jokes would be circulated about you via text message. People would not want to sit next to you on a train or bus and people would avoid you at lunch time. Sadly, we are just too polite for all this enthusiasm nonsense. 




But should we be? 


As Christians, we carry this incredible hope that one day we will be welcomed into the arms of a God who knew every hair on our heads as he formed us before we were born. A God who watched over every decision we ever made and who carved out a path for us that would offer us this hope, and a bright future. He has offered us unconditional love and unmerited Grace. He offers forgiveness and freedom from fear. It doesn't stop at me having all that good stuff and keeping it to myself. It is my job to share that with people that I meet - mercy, forgiveness, love, grace, patience, kindess, joy, hope. How can we do that if we have lost the amazement in the small things that God does? When was your last 'oh wow!' moment? 


I can tell you, I had a few today.

This was one of them

"Jesus called a little child to him and stood the child before his followers. Then he said, "I tell you the truth, you must change and become like little children. Otherwise, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. The greatest person in the kingdom of heaven is the one who makes himself humble like this child." Matthew 18:2-4

Children trust, children explore, adventure and are excited by pretty much anything (even socks). They don't have this politeness problem, they tell it like it is without holding back. They are exciting to be around and they learn new things everyday. Are we like this? Do we have regular moments where we stand back in amazement about something we see? Do we appreciate small things as well as big things? I hope we can all learn to be better adventurers on this exciting journey called life. 

Much love xxx

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