My Happy Place.

The last time I sat here was right at the end of summer camp. I tend to find a 'happy place' wherever I go so that when I feel overwhelmed or need to process my thoughts, I can find a space that is 'my own part of nature' where I will hopefully be undisturbed for a while. My Yorkshire happy place was atop the hills where I could see the trees, valleys and sheep. My Chester happy place were the Roman Walls where I could go and watch the sunset over the city.

So here I am, in my Wilmington happy place, legs dangling off the edge of a hidden away wall at the back of Brandywine park, perhaps for the last time. I am surrounded by big, beautiful trees that are beginning to drop fall coloured leaves that are slowly drifting towards the little waterfall which will float them down through the rock filled stream towards the fishermen and cute looking Church picnic I passed on the way in.

It's hard to find peace in such a time of unrest and confusion. All the people finding out I'm headed home who are asking what changed and wishing I would stay. All the people at home asking what I will do, what's my plan? Truthfully, I don't know. I feel like one of those little leaves in a big river, one minute floating along all calm, knowing where I am and what my role is to all of a sudden hitting a big gush of water and now I'm in a new place all over again starting at a new path, with new surroundings and a different future.

source

One thing I have learnt, is that we are called to bloom where we are planted. I remember before I left, I spoke to someone about my move to the US. He said to me that a job is a job, wherever you do it. That is so true. Moving away from home to do a job doesn't automatically make it more of a success than if I'd done it in England, though I may have thought that. Of course, making the move has changed and grown me in more ways than I could've imagined and it has given me knowledge about totally different cultures as well as giving me the chance to share mine. I have pushed my self harder than ever before and for the first time, I've found my limits. I have seen that wherever I am placed or wherever I find myself, I can find something to do that will help someone else. I never had to be thousands of miles away to do that though I have absolutely no regret in this experience.

I have mentioned this in my writing before (check (you can read here) but there's a song by Brooke Fraser that says; 'now that I have seen, I am responsible.' That line challenges me constantly. Once we know there is a need within our community, even if it means pushing outside of what is comfortable but are able to, we should do it. That is a conviction upon which I am unwilling to compromise. I can do what needs to be done wherever I am sat. I am not called to be apathetic. I am called to action. I should bloom where I am planted.

'Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.’ 

What lies ahead for me is unknown, though hopefully my immediate future will involve some rest, reunions and Yorkshire Pudding. But now I see life again from a whole new perspective, knowing there is at least one constant in my life who knows the desires of my heart and knows the plans and purpose He has for me. My Faith and hope is stronger than ever before which is helping me to find joy and peace amongst the goodbyes and upheavals. I have loved my life here and was glad to call it home, even if it was just for the length of a pregnancy as someone pointed out yesterday!!

I'd best get back to enjoying my last bit of sunshine!

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What a difference a day makes...

This week, I have been dwelling on the need to take each day as it comes. Youth Ministry often has no pattern, no set expectations and no guarantees. One week or even one session can feel like you've reached the top of a mountain and the next day feels like you're back in the valley ready to start again. The kids can arrive in a great mood, making planned activities easy and fun or, they can arrive in a mood whereby no activities can happen because your whole time with them is spent getting them to do as they are asked. You just never do know. 

I can't go into every day here expecting to see great results of the work I've put in. I can't expect that the kids will walk into this center, full of manners, calm attitudes, respect for the rules and full co-operation. If I expect that, I am going to be very disheartened very quickly. I may as well not even bother! The aim here, is to take each session we have as a fresh start. What happened with the kids on Monday is in the past, we do not dwell, we move on to today and we do so with renewed hope and enthusiasm. 

This is probably one of the toughest places I will ever find myself. The environment here is such a tough one to crack, the attitudes that the kids have been taught, if they have been given the time by their parents to be taught; are very difficult to challenge. This can't be done in a day, but little by little; one seed at a time. Last week I was speaking to one of the guys who came to the drop in as he asked me to make some more popcorn for them. I told him that if he spoke to me properly, then I would do it. We went through the right way to ask for something and threw some pleases and thank you's in there. On Monday, he approached me and said 'can I have some soda, please?' That for me, was a success. That is the size of the success we have to take here. 

The kids who come here will never know the hours we agonise over how we can love them better, how we can change ourselves to better suit their needs, how to respond to situations they present us with, how to deal with things well so we don't risk losing them. But that to me is the true beauty of what we do. They think we just open up the center a couple of days a week and that's it. They will never truly know the personal sacrifices, the headaches, the sleepless nights and the light bulb moments at 2am that we go through to find the strength to open those doors each time. But they don't need to know. It is up to us to find the hope for each day and the opportunities that brings. It is up to us to celebrate every success, big or small. It is up to us to bring transformation drop by drop through our Faithfulness to this cause and remain prepared for anything. 

It's a good job that we believe in a great big ever-loving God.

Love, S x

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My American Dream.

I can't BELIEVE I finally get to write this post. It has been such a long time coming! This past year since graduating has not been without it's challenges for me. I spent the first six months after moving home searching for a job and getting nowhere fast. At my lowest, I sat and burst into tears with the lady in the benefits office who was trying to help me find work. I finally got some temp jobs, both went disastrously wrong, not because I couldn't do the job but for other reasons. I finally found a permanent role back in January which was not without it's learning curves but whilst I was on holiday last week, the company I worked for went into administration the day before everyone's pay day and 500 people lost their jobs.

My real turning point came a few months ago, after I thought I had found 'THE JOB.' I was so sure it was for me and I spent every day for about two months praying and thinking about it. When the closing date came around, I wasn't offered an interview. The shock of that sent me well and truly back to the drawing board. Sitting at square one, I thought about things like; in my dream world, what would I do? Where would I go? What do I KNOW I want to do? One thing quickly sprang to mind:

America. The place that I had ALWAYS wanted to explore, to figure out if it was the place for me. I want to set a disclaimer here; I am under no impression that America is some kind of dream world where everything is perfect and doesn't have issues similar to the ones we have here. I cannot explain where this dream came from or why it is there, but it is! I love the place. I decided it was time to try and find a door of opportunity that would give me a chance to experience everyday life in America and decide if it is something I want to pursue long-term. Today, I can officially say I was offered that chance. I have been offered a place as a voluntary intern with an organisation called 'YFC' or Youth For Christ in Delaware. I will go out there for 6 months starting next January to do an urban youth work placement working with at-risk youths. I am still trying to process all of this and have SO much to do to prepare for it, but this is a way for me to invest in my future, to gain experience, to live in another culture, to meet new people and to go for my dream! I will be doing some fundraising to get the costs of my trip together which I am really excited about!

So many things have led me to this place, it would take me forever to explain but I can honestly say that however difficult the past few months have been for me - I wouldn't change a thing. I have dealt with a whole host of experiences that have grown and strengthened me in so many ways. I think it's fair to say that I have been fairly unlucky but that is life! I am not here to complain. 

I will say that some of the things that have kept me going are these words in particular:

 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Matt 7:8

I wrote these words, along with some others and stuck them on the mirror attached to my bedroom door. I saw them every time I went in the room, fixed my hair, took off my make up. In those words I found hope that eventually, I would knock on the right door and it would be opened. In the times of deep confusion - I hated seeing them because I didn't want to believe them, but today, the opportunity I had asked for, sought out and knocked the door of - opened! If you are in a similar position, if you have a dream, or a place that you have always wanted to live or work in - I would encourage you to GO FOR IT! The reason I became so determined to find an opportunity was that I didn't want to wait ten years and wish I had done it, I don't want to regret! However hard and hopeless life can feel, there is always something to learn from every experience, good or bad. It is always good to have hopes and dreams, and to work hard for those! 

I wrote this blog over a year ago, isn't it amazing how things work out! Who knows, maybe whilst I am in Delaware I will get to go visit that statue. Don't give up on your dreams y'all! We only have one life, don't lose yourself in your fear.

If you would like to support me financially, you can do so via this link, all donations would be gratefully received!!

Much Love xxx

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Lights, Camera, I'm too comfortable to act.

The concept of action has been very much on my mind lately. I think it follows recent thoughts and ramblings about life being too short and all that. Once the concept of living whilst you have life has sunk in, it's time to get moving. I think in life, some people are thinkers and some people are doers. But I think, you can in-fact be a bit of both. I know this, because I am. Sometimes I have a battle because I love thinking, I love daydreaming and reflecting and sitting. But then I began to think, who is this thinking helping? What use is this if I'm not going to do anything? As I am still waiting for employment, I have quite a bit of time on my hands. So, in between job applications and searches I thought I would do something useful. And it seems to have sparked a few other people to do the same. I could see this time as annoying, because I really want to be working (which I DO!) or I could see it as a blessing and use it whilst I have it.

Plans are in motion for various fundraisers, a new group at Church is starting for the young girls and I just went to our first bake club, which seems like it is going to expand to various other exciting things. What I would like to say is that if you really want to do something, then you may need to stop waiting and thinking and just get on with it! Sorry if that is a bit blunt, but if you don't move into action then it 'aint gonna happen on its own! Use the people around you, the community of which you are a part and start something up, set the wheels in motion and see where it goes. 

I spoke at Church on Sunday about Faith. Sometimes things take Faith. Sometimes, things take a little Faith and sometimes, thinks take a great big fat dollop of Faith. But they all have to start somewhere - and how are we to know where it goes, if we never let it begin? We need the right people around us who will say 'I will help you do that' or on the contrary they may say 'that is a completely ridiculous idea,' both of these are helpful and at times necessary. If you are to lead a project, you need to have vision. You need to be enthusiastic, as this will motivate the people around you. You need to know your facts. You need to be committed to see your idea through and you may need to be prepared for it to go beyond your wildest dreams. It takes a bit of Faith, whatever it is - to step out of the boat. If you try something out and it doesn't work - Oh Well! (See my earlier post for further thoughts on this!) Try it a different way, or at a different time, in a different place, with different people. Don't be afraid or overwhelmed, for we never know what may happen unless we try! Don't get caught up in watching other people do stuff, wishing you could do the same because you can. 

I think my new life's motto is this: GO FOR IT.

Much Love xxx

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'He restores my soul...'

Today I have had a day to myself. Sometimes, these are my favourite types of days and I started to get excited this morning at the thought of it so I thought I would share my relaxing adventure. Seeing as though I was up early, and by early I mean 9am - which is impressive considering I am way behind on sleep. I am not counting my appointment at the job centre or my 1am job application writing as exciting, but they were what spurred me on to sieze the day.


Following my appointment, I popped into Costa, where I had some time to get lost in my new book, and enjoy my favourite coffee shop drink; Skinny Vanilla Latte:

After this, I thought I would check out our health food shop - they sell such exciting food and drink that you don't get to have every day, so I treated myself to these badboys:

I had a cup of the Bright Mood tea and it was lovely, it tasted a bit Christmassy, and I LOVE CHRISTMAS.

Following this, I got out my favourite movies:

Enjoyed a bit of my guilty pleasure....

And now, I am sat with my favourite cup, watching the Olympics:

So, why am I telling you all of this? Well. Life has been a bit stressful lately, it's been a very tough adjustment and a lot of changes to cope with at once. I have filled in job application after job application and seem to be getting nowhere quickly. Losing most of my independence has been difficult and remains to be a test of my patience. Plans have been changed at the last minute, which adds to my feelings of losing control of everything. But here's the thing. Things in life don't always go our way, or the way we think they should go. Realistically, I have no idea what is around the corner. It could be anything, it might mean moving away, getting a good job and being able to afford my own place, moving in with a friend, starting over, working part time etc etc. I just don't know, and it's the first time in my life that I've felt like I don't know. I've always been in the safety net of education, meaning I knew where I would be until graduation. And now, my time in the 'real world' is actually here. In all honesty, it's pretty scary. But I know that what I need to do right now is wait. And we all love waiting don't we? Especially in this instant society, where everything I want can be at my finger tips at the push of a button. 

I went to our women's Bible study last week and we discussed this. We talked about how people would wait and wait and wait and wait for the promises they were given by God to come to fruition. They just trusted that He would be faithful, and played the waiting game. Do we know how to do this anymore? I'm not so sure. 'I want it now,' we are good at saying. But when it comes to waiting just a little while longer, we just can't do it. I'm sure in America that if your order in McDonalds takes longer than 60 seconds, you get it free - it's something ridiculous like that. We don't want to wait for quality anymore, we dont want to save up and wait for a gormet meal, we'd rather have a burger that's probably never seen a cow in its life to fill that hole as quickly as possible. What is that about? Why wouldn't we rather wait for the best? I miss the days when we used to save our pocket money up for something good at the end, it seems like that is something we have lost and I feel quite challenged by this at the moment (being a rubbish saver.)

Going back to these great folk who were good at waiting - how did they do it? 'It was by Faith.'  ¹ Faith means being sure of the things we hope for and knowing that something is real even if we do not see it. ² Faith is the reason we remember great people who lived in the past. Hebrews 11:1-2. The people listed in this chapter 'did not receive what God had promised.' But did they need to? Their Faith made these promises REAL. I am sure their reward is in heaven with them. But what does this mean for us? I think it means that we need to grow in Faith and learn to wait. I need to wait for God to provide for me in His timing, not my own. I need to have faith that my life rests in the palm of his hands, and that He is in control and not me. I need to learn to be content with my circumstances and seek his will in this difficult and unrestful time. I need to remember all the times I have not been let down by God, and hold this promise for the future.

  ^"Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

Rest is what I need, and today - rest was what I sought. 

Much Love xxx

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'I've got some new socks!'

Today I went to the park. It turned out to be a very lovely day, made complete by the return of the British Summer which is always nice because our nation are happy when that happens. Whilst we were sat in the giant sandpit, a random child came up to me to tell me he had some new socks. For him, this was really exciting news. This is what I love about children. To them, everything is so exciting. I love it when kids say 'oh wow!' to absolutely everything. There's something so refreshing about it. When I was wandering through Halifax the other day, I heard a kid shouting that he was going on an adventure. I remember thinking it was probably just a trip to a shop he liked or something, but to him it was a big expedition. I love that. 


When we were in Arizona, I experienced a moment that I don't think I will forget. We went to Kitt Peak, to observe the stars and one of the guys there was called Geronimo. What an incredible name, that guy was destined for greatness. He was self taught, and hands down, one of the most passionate people I have ever met. I remember a moment where we were all stood outside with our star maps looking up at the sky when all of a sudden this burst of joy came out so loud that I physically jumped and let out a little yelp. Geronimo saw a shooting star. I can't describe his excitement, at a site he must see most days of his life. But there was something so special about that.


The Bible talks about having Child Like Faith. I thought these little anecdotes painted a nice little picture of that. The more we learn about the world, the more we see evil everywhere. We see mindless killings, slavery, trafficking, abuse, the list goes on. The more we see of this, the less faith we have in the world and the more cynical we become. Especially with British humour - if you were as excited as Geronimo about everything in life - jokes would be circulated about you via text message. People would not want to sit next to you on a train or bus and people would avoid you at lunch time. Sadly, we are just too polite for all this enthusiasm nonsense. 




But should we be? 


As Christians, we carry this incredible hope that one day we will be welcomed into the arms of a God who knew every hair on our heads as he formed us before we were born. A God who watched over every decision we ever made and who carved out a path for us that would offer us this hope, and a bright future. He has offered us unconditional love and unmerited Grace. He offers forgiveness and freedom from fear. It doesn't stop at me having all that good stuff and keeping it to myself. It is my job to share that with people that I meet - mercy, forgiveness, love, grace, patience, kindess, joy, hope. How can we do that if we have lost the amazement in the small things that God does? When was your last 'oh wow!' moment? 


I can tell you, I had a few today.

This was one of them

"Jesus called a little child to him and stood the child before his followers. Then he said, "I tell you the truth, you must change and become like little children. Otherwise, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. The greatest person in the kingdom of heaven is the one who makes himself humble like this child." Matthew 18:2-4

Children trust, children explore, adventure and are excited by pretty much anything (even socks). They don't have this politeness problem, they tell it like it is without holding back. They are exciting to be around and they learn new things everyday. Are we like this? Do we have regular moments where we stand back in amazement about something we see? Do we appreciate small things as well as big things? I hope we can all learn to be better adventurers on this exciting journey called life. 

Much love xxx

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