'I Am who I say I Am.'

It's been a little while since I have tip tapped; a few of us have had an unwelcome visit from a nasty but brief stomach bug, added to the general busyness of life - which meant I had little time to stop and think. Plus, now that my town has a cinema & Breaking Dawn Part 2 has been released - I've been a little preoccupied (i'm not ashamed to admit that I guess I am officially a 'twihard.')

However, I had a bit of time today after a nice conversation with my friend in my favourite quirky town to begin reading a book I had promised my friend I would take a look at so we could then discuss it. We agreed to do one chapter at a time, and the fact that I am writing after one chapter may well tell you that it is a good one! The book is here; check it out. Though I'm only just starting it has already given me some food for thought.

I know parts of it link back to posts I've written here in the past, based around trying to define ourselves with 'roles' and 'titles.' I've also written here before about one of my favourite subjects; contentment. This links to that too. I want to share this paragraph first of all:

'Jesus' sense of identity is striking. He has personal confidence, strength and security - as comfortable in urban Jerusalem as in rural Galilee. He can talk to the religious leaders of the Sanhedrin as easily as to a leper or roadside beggar. He can creatively diffuse hostile theological questions set to trap him by Scribes and Pharisees, and with equal skill calm the traumatised. Jesus is as relaxed at the meal table with tax collectors and prostitutes as he is at a banquet laid on by a local dignitary. When a woman of ill repute publicly kisses his feet, her actions cause him no embarrassment whatsoever, though everyone around is scandalised. He breaks the traditions of Sabbath keeping when he considers it necessary, but is quite happy to comply with social expectations when matters of justice or integrity are not at stake.'

I love this. It shows Jesus as a man who knew who he was. He knew what he stood for, and he was completely comfortable with that. He didn't need to answer to anyone because he was completely at ease with his identity. This meant he would relate to anyone, in exactly the same manner regardless of occupation/past/history/rank etc. This is such a great aspect to the man that Jesus was. I think it's one of the things that made him so radical. So if we are to follow this example, what do we need to do?

We need to throw off insecurity, fear, desire to please people, lack of confidence and instead; embrace who we are. The good parts and the bad parts. There are parts of me that I just can't escape - for example, i'm a complete introvert. I get energy when i'm away from people, if i've been around people for too many hours in a day I get stressed, I lose patience and I need to shut myself away and watch a film or something to sort myself out! I can't get away from that, because it is ME. I am also very honest, perhaps at times a bit too honest but it's ok, i'm also alright at apologising when I need to! I have reached a point in my life whereby I know myself, I know who I am and I comfortable with that - both inside and outside. I don't think people are often prepared to meet someone who is secure because it can appear slightly intimidating. Don't get me wrong, I am not 100% free from insecurity; but I am well aware of the insecurities I do have and I make a conscious effort to stop those getting out of control. Insecurity can most definitely be overcome & it MUST be!

One of things we are really good at is the art of comparing ourselves to others. The old, 'I wish I had hair like her,' 'If only I were as funny as he is' or 'they have it all together, why would they understand me?' I know I do it all the time. But it's not helpful for us! Instead of always looking at what others are doing/acting like we need to think about who WE are, are we being real? Are we being true to ourselves? What can I change about my thoughts to make me love who I am better? We can't ignore that loving ourselves IS important as it helps us to extend that love to others. We were not designed to hate ourselves or dislike who we are, quite the opposite. Why not channel your energy away from what you aren't, what 'they' are, and think about who you are. You are a beautiful, unique creation afterall...


I read this on a tweet this morning and thought it summed this all up very well:

"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought."
Matthew 5:5

Contentment with your situation and/or yourself is the best place you can be. It's a battle to stay there - don't get me wrong and we naturally have our up and down days but I can sit here and say that I am at ease with who I am, not defined by what I do or have done, but just because as I am me. 

http://www.minnamayblog.com/

Much Love xxx

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In which I change.

If these past few months have taught me anything, it's that I'm not the person I used to be. I remember how I would describe myself whilst I was still at Uni - it would be something along the lines of 'organised, love planning, hate surprises, in control.' Now, I think that couldn't be further from the truth.  For one, I have come to believe that organisation is more of a skill or gift than a personality attribute. I guess I've reached this place where I'm not able to be in control at all, so I have had to learn to wait for surprises and I can't really make any plans until a few important steps have been made.

I'm in a place where I have had to adapt to my present circumstances but still remain content with where I am. I think that's half the battle; being in a place I didn't think I would be waiting for an opportunity to come my way but still remaining hopeful and happy. I have met with professionals lately who have asked me 'where do I want to be?' or 'where do I see myself going?' and I've surprised myself with my change in answer. Before, I was very set - youth work, because that's what I'm trained in, but when you look a bit deeper or a bit wider the path isn't as narrow as it seems. I'm rediscovering my 'I could go anywhere' approach. This doesn't have to mean geographically but it could mean in the first role I end up with and where that could lead to in the future. We're in an age where it isn't common to stay in one trade for our entire lives - we're much more...flitty (I am not sure this is a word but it feels right, like a butterfly I was thinking) than that and we have so many more opportunities.

So instead of being obsessed with lists, scared of surprises, needing to know what is coming - I am feeling excited because I feel renewed, with a new lease of life and less fear. I hate fear. It has no place in our lives as it comes and takes over and robs us of opportunities. It tells us our dreams aren't big enough, that we aren't good enough, that we should always want for more, that we should have what our friends have because what we have isn't enough. But that's not right!

If we invest in the people that love us, right where we are then we are well on the way to being prepared for whatever life may throw at us. Whether that be good, or bad. Hard, or easy. Happy, or sad. I think that is the key. Community is what we need to do life, to live it rich in love and togetherness. That is what really matters, our dependence on each other whether that be family or friends. Those things are more important than my career for even if I don't end up doing what I studied, it doesn't matter as long as I am happy.

 I no longer place value on 'things' but in 'people.' I've been really blown away this past week with the amazing network of people I have in my life. This has brought about more opportunities than I could ever have thought possible, or that I could have planned for myself. I look forward to the time when I can do the same thing for someone else because I couldn't have gotten anywhere lately without the help and time of others. This is something else that has changed me. I have always been fiercely independent. If someone showed me how to do something like baking, using a computer programme etc, I was off - I could then do it on my own and continue to work it out for myself. But I have begun to wonder whether that's really how I want to live. I don't want to be an authority figure, I want to be a team player who gets in and serves alongside others. I want to choose to live life alongside others, so knowing that I could do a task more easily by myself isn't important, because I would rather learn together, with someone else. I really believe that this is what we have lost and I for one am going to fight for it. I think a level of dependence is healthy and necessary if we are ever to live in true community. We each have different skills that when used together equal something greater than if we were going at it alone.

I feel like this has been a bit rambly so to clarify:

- We need to learn to reflect on our experiences in order to change, grow and adapt to new circumstances.

- Investing in each other is more important than worrying about the future for those who love us will support us whatever happens.

- We shouldn't be afraid.

- Living in and for community is better than living by and for ourselves.

Much Love xxx 

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