On settling somewhere new.

Now feels like as good a time as ever to return to the blog. After what has been a somewhat tumultuous year, I am returning to my old favourite ways to rediscover my peace and writing has always been one of those. 

It is very hard to believe that it has been 1 year, 8 months, 2 weeks and 4 days (to be exact) since I moved to Northern Ireland. I had no idea what was awaiting me as I sat in my trusty old Nissan Note waiting for the ferry to pull into the dock. For a very brief moment, I looked behind me at my suitcases and then ahead of me to the sea and realised there was no going back. Thus far, I don't regret it for one second!

The first few months were hard as I readjusted as everything was new and unfamiliar. I had a long commute, a new job, new colleagues, a couple of friends scattered about the country, a new house and  housemates and a new culture to get used to. I had many a headache and felt quite exhausted! But things quickly began to feel like home as I got used to my new rhythm. My new colleagues and housemates were unfailingly kind and welcoming and I didn't feel under any external pressure to get it all right straight away, which helped immensly! 

As I look back now on what really drew me to another big move on my own - it was that I had spent many years as a sojourner - popping in and out of people's lives, being on trains and planes, sleeping in hotel rooms and saying yes to many great travel adventures, but what I was craving was stability and rootedness. I had decided this was a good time to focus on dating, in the hope that I might meet someone who I could spend my days with. I did this through online dating, which I had quietly done on and off over the years but nothing had ever really come of it. In November 2019, around 8 months after moving, I decided to give it one last shot (as online dating can be very emotionally draining) and arranged to meet a guy for a walk in my favourite local spot. 

I could tell as we were walking around Mount Stewart that something was different about this guy. I remember feeling so comfortable and safe and although I did most of the talking, that didn't seem to put him off. As the sun started to set, Tom insisted on walking me back to my car and date two was quickly arranged. Before Tom, my best date record was three dates so once we went past that, it was unchartered territory for me! I loved those early days of getting to know him and getting more relaxed around each other. I kept it fairly quiet as I was enjoying the bubble we were in but we finally had our first picture together and told everyone after 5 months of dating! 

In January 2020, I was busy preparing for the 'dream' trip I'd booked a year in advance which involved flying to Jamaica to spend a week on the beach listening to my beloved favourite Band of Brothers - Hanson. Looking back now, I was extremely lucky that this trip went ahead without a hitch as the Coronavirus pandemic was only just beginning. It was a week of pure bliss, music I love and a serious amount of laughter. This trip felt a little different as I travelled alone (as I am accustomed) but distinctly remember sitting in Philadephia airport about to board my flight to Jamaica feeling a little queezy about being so far from home. The journey back was long and storm-filled so I was very, very grateful to have my feet back on solid ground! 

 

Following the holiday, I started to look for my own apartment as I felt ready to have my own space and had more of an idea of where I'd like to settle on a more longterm basis. I came across a sweet little place (with a guest room!) and put an application in. It felt like a long wait at the time but in the end it did all happen relatively quickly. As the pandemic started to take effect, we sped up the process of me collecting the keys. I will never forget that Monday - I packed up my car and did 3 drives back and forth to get all my belongings and dragged them up the stairs single handedly. That night, Tom & I toasted to the new beginning and we turned on the news to see the PM declare the start of the first three week lockdown. There I was, about to live on my own for the first time in a new place where I didn't know anyone and had just started working from home so I'd lost the majority of the social time I had. In the end, I wasn't alone for long as I gained a new roommate in Tom, who absolutely saved the day for me. 

Many cancelled plans, unknowns, new lockdowns and changes followed so I began to look forward to the festive season as much as I could. I knew I was going to spend it in Northern Ireland and couldn't wait to decorate the apartment, which I did sometime in November. I loved getting cosied up and practising the art of 'hygge' which I'm sure I've written about before! It was a special time for Tom & I - our first full Christmas together - and it was just perfect. We also celebrated my milestone birthday this week which I have only been dreading since I turned 29. But as I pause to write this, I realised that despite feeling a bit nervous about starting a new decade, I have never been so grateful for everything I have in my whole life. Gratitude is a daily practice of mine. I took a risk when I decided to start this chapter and I could never have dreamt the way it has all worked out, especially with the world as it is right now. 

I have heard many people describe 2020 as the year they want to forget but for me, it will always be one that I will treasure. I fell in love with my new best friend who has been the biggest support for me in every way he possibly could be. I have been welcomed into his wonderful family. We were able to celebrate birthdays, our first holiday together, our first anniversary and our first holiday season. Of course, I have missed my friends and family dearly and that has been harder than I can describe - which has added to this being a year of emotional highs and lows. We do what we can now to be safe so that we can spend time together again when it is right to do so. We live in the hope that one day we can be reunited - and how special will that be! As the new year begins, I won't be doing my usual 'resolutions' or expecting too much from myself but will continue to take each day as it comes; finding the joy in the small things, being grateful for what I have, sharing what I can and enjoying the beauty of the place I now very much call home.

Love, S x

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Things I've learnt from the Tetley Tea Advert.

Before I start writing: Watch it here.

I saw this advert a while ago, and whilst my heart is all for Yorkshire Tea (as everybody knows) - I thought it made an excellent point. Right at the beginning of my blogging days, I posted about 'Private Life' (scroll down my page and take a look after!) and this need we feel to share so much of our lives online. I hold my hands up and say I am guilty as charged, as those of you who know me are probably thinking right now. I guess it's just become a part of life for us all really, it's almost become a bit of a reflex in some ways. See, I take photos all the time. Usually of things that I love, things that inspire me, nature, coffee or family and I just share it. If those things are important to me, people might care. Or, perhaps not.

This advert addresses this issue so well. Instead of throwing on facebook that 'we have a new job' or 'we're going on holiday' why don't we instead call up our closest friends, the ones who actually care and share it with them first? Lately, I've spent a lot of time on the phone, catching up with people who think they are calling me for 5 minutes and then boom, an hour has passed. But I LOVE that because we are sharing life! Talking is good. I am also quite famous for sitting in coffee shops. I have calculated that there may be 2 coffee shops in my entire town that I have never been in. Just to give you a better picture of what this means: my town has an excess of two things in particular: Hairdressers and Coffee Shops. Anywho, though I do love coffee - more importantly, Coffee Shops offer me time to sit, face to face with a friend who can have my undivided attention. I love losing track of time, having my phone on silent and getting lost in conversation. (For those of you who know what 'love languages' are - mine is Quality Time.) In that time, that conversation is my priority and is the most important thing in the world to me.

Now, all the things I have been to lately; meetings, conferences etc - one thing has cropped up that ties them all together. It's the light bulb moment of 'why have we not been meeting each other before?!' We are all really good (me included) at sending email after email or doing things on the phone, which creates a million other jobs and phone calls and messages that need to be sent, communication ultimately breaks down and the job falls through. So, instead - we meet face to face. We see each other, we give each other time and we share more information than we would through typing. I've personally learnt the value of this through networking in order to find work. If I meet 'that relevant person' I can say 'I need a job' or 'can I help you do this' etc. My face is known, and people will think of me when a job is either created or advertised.

So, what is my point in all of this? Instead of investing in '600' online acquaintances, take your best friend out for lunch. Ring your mum, send your friend a letter, have a dinner party, arrange a catch up and make the effort to know and appreciate the people in your lives who are the ones on which you can rely. In your work, or personal lives - if you are trying to set up a team, organise a project, start a new group then MEET your people. Face to face. Also, get some biscuits. Meet regularly, to ensure that you are all communicating and sharing effectively because this will improve everything, I assure you! Sometimes you might think that it sounds so simple that you can't believe you didn't think of it before, to sit in the same room together and talk. But we just hardly do it anymore...who really likes meetings?! But I want to say that they offer something key that we are losing, they are not always a nuisance - they are an opportunity to be human, to build relationships (working and personal) and to learn together.

For when the busyness of life takes over (as it so naturally does) choose to slow down, get a cup of tea, catch up with a person you love and let them be your focus. People will always be more important than things.

Much Love xxx 

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Wait.

This week I've been hit by a few thoughts about the generation of which I am a part. As technology advances, we learn how to make more and more shortcuts and we can get things quicker than ever. It's funny how I find myself frustrated when the internet kicks us off every now and then when a few years ago we had to unplug the phone line before we could even hook up to it. There's an 'app' for everything that supposedly makes everything more convenient and instantaneous. But then we hit a brick wall.

When we have to wait for something, we truly can't do it. We freak out, we get frustrated, we lose our temper and we give up. In Tesco today, I was in no rush but I changed queues about 3 times to find the shortest one. I hate waiting to get served at a bar. When I need a quick response from someone it completely stresses me out when they don't reply for an hour. But then I find myself wrestling with this impatient nature. With things such as baking and cooking, I always prefer to do it from scratch. I sincerely dislike cheating and will only do it if I truly have to. I will not bow to the convenience of a ready meal and will only have one in dire need. I prefer resting my mixing bowl on my hip and mixing the butter and sugar together myself than relying on an electric mixer to do it for me. I am pretty sure I could do life sans microwave and will always opt to use the hob if at all possible even though it creates more washing up (I hate washing up.) But what has happened now that I am being asked to put my patience to the test - I am freaking out.

In all honesty, I expected to breeze out of Uni and pick up a cosy little job that would allow me to rent a nice flat that I could adorn with the floral items from my accumulated 'bottom drawer' that has admittedly turned into a 'bottom wardrobe' that means I have no room to hang up my clothes. Woops. Anyway, I would say at least 30 job applications and no clothing space later, I am still without employment and my own little floral palace. Needless to say, I am not impressed. The job centre told me it's probably because 'I'm over-qualified.' Oh isn't that lovely to hear after you busted your guts to finish your degree?! It seems as if every door I push is closed, and it's very difficult to keep it up without losing hope! I of course, have no choice but to keep on spending hours filling in application after application and hoping that ONE of them will be picked up by someone, anyone who will give me a job. Of course, I have not sat on my sofa all day watching Jeremy Kyle. I have found myself being busier than ever but the frustration is that without employment - I am not planted somewhere. I long to be tied to a place, even if for a time so that I know what I can commit myself to.

That is the next thing that I have learnt about our generation. We hate commitment. We flit in and out of things, we don't like to be tied down to a place because we need the freedom to move around. We wouldn't enter a career expecting it to be lifelong. We wouldn't think about finding a job that offers a good pension - because we think first about what the job is offering us now. We can worry about what happens when we reach 70 (as I would imagine the average retirement age, if there will be one, will have grown substantially by the time we reach it.) Apparently, I will retire in 2055. That sounds like a ridiculous year, by which I expect to be able to catch a reasonably priced flight to space and back.

Not only this, but when it comes to relationships, we are afraid. We're afraid to commit in case we get hurt. What if we pick the wrong person? What if someone better comes along? It's easier to be alone because that doesn't take any work. We'd like a relationship to land on our lap otherwise we will have to make ourselves vulnerable and take a risk. Nah, I'd rather not. But what happens in a few years time when we have a bunch of girls ready to commit and a bunch of guys who are too scared to? What happens when everything at work is happening too slowly for us so we get bored and leave and wave bye bye to whatever pension package we might have had instead of trying to change our job to make it better? I worry about where we're headed. I worry about how much we worry.

We need to re-learn the art of waiting. We need to learn to commit ourselves to a task and see it through, even if it takes longer than we expected. We need to work at our relationships instead of running away from them when they get hard and we need to make the most of the circumstances in which we find ourselves. We need to slow down and remember what the important things are in life, because it flies by in such a blur. We need to be content with doing small things, making a small difference in one persons life instead of always trying to change the whole world. We need to work at our communities, say hi to our neighbours and being to rebuild the art of being with people. Social networks have meant that we are unable to build real relationships, we can say things on a computer that we could never say face to face. We need to learn to wait for a response. We need to wait for things to happen in the right time instead of in an instant.

You know, as well as this season being the most annoying and frustrating one I have been in, for the most part I have never been so content. I realise that through this, my character is building. My patience is growing as is my trust and excitement for the future. I am learning to appreciate what I have instead of chasing what I dont have/want. I realise what I need to do life. I have learnt loads of yummy recipes which will come in handy for future dinner parties/family meals. I am learning to enjoy the small blessings that I see everyday and I am saying 'no' to things which is leading to more wise decisions. My boundaries are strong and I recognise that I need time for myself to relax and unwind which in turn means I am more able to spend time with friends, family and with those who need a friendly face.

If we become so caught up in our busy lives and in our busy selves then we miss out on our main purpose. In the book I've just read, Christine Caine writes:

'Jesus always stopped and noticed what was going on around Him. Although He was on a mission to save all of humanity, He was never too busy to notice the crippled man by the pool, the woman at the well, or the woman with the hemorrhage  Even when He was on the way to somewhere else, Jesus was always prepared to be interrupted and to get involved in the lives of individual people whose paths He crossed.'

What's the point of all this if we can't give up our time anymore to notice and help those who need us? If we are always seeking to better ourselves, to work for that promotion, to do a bit more overtime then we begin to miss things. We lose the art of being because we get so caught up in doing. I suggest that we need to take a step back and look at where this is leading. We need to peel back the layers of Christianity and see what is at its core - and that, to me is loving God, our neighbour and ourselves. We need to appreciate the small stuff as much as the big stuff. We need to praise God in the mess as well as the tidy, in the plain sailing times as well as the everything all over the place times. We need to concentrate on the day that He has given us and live it here and now. We need to wait for His response in His timing as we have committed to follow His path.

But most of all, we need to slow down.

Much Love xxx

P.s I made my first pecan pie today. Isn't she CUTE! 

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Thou Shalt Not...

I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately. Whilst I was in Greece, I finished off two books that I was halfway through and read 4 from scratch. I’ve also been reading a lot of blogs and articles, mainly with a Christian viewpoint. Whilst I find most of what I read to helpful and challenging, I can’t help but notice the vast amount of articles that tell us, as Christians what we shouldn’t be doing and offering no helpful alternative to what we should be doing. They just feel overwhelmingly negative. 

I will tell you, the ones I tend to read are about relationships. I read one today which I did find interesting as it was about the effect of Rom Coms and how they skew our view of the reality of a relationship. I get it, I do - but I feel like these articles are forcing us to be so un-dream like and so realistic that for me, it feels like the thrill of the chase is being taken out of the equation. Are writers doing this so that we will, to coin an over-used Christian phrase ‘protect our hearts?’ So that we wont be let down when our reality doesn’t involve the man of our dreams turning up at our door with 12 dozen red roses every morning? So that once we’re married it’s not all breakfast in bed, but morning farts as a wake up call? To me, this whole attitude seems a bit fearful. 

I don’t like people telling me that I shouldn’t dream. I have times each day where I like to switch off from everything and spend a bit of time daydreaming. That might involve going on a trip, or a date, or my wedding day or when I’m pregnant. Daydreams allow me to pause reality and think about something entirely different that may get me excited about what is to happen in my future. If it doesn’t happen the way I had dreamt it, then rest assured it will be better. If I wont marry a cowboy, I will marry a man better for me than anyone I could’ve chosen, and we will love each other and our normality, warts and all. If I don’t get my dream job running a cafe then I will be working somewhere I never thought I would be. If I don’t end up living in America, I will be living in a place more beautiful than I could ever have imagined. That is what Faith is. 

I get that people offering wisdom who have 'been there done that' is really helpful and I am thankful for it, but sometimes - and this is what I find to be the hardest part of youth work - we must allow people to learn from their own mistakes, as well as learning important lessons for themselves because whatever happens, sometimes they will not listen. When a relationship comes around, if it isn't what we saw in Pride and Prejudice we will soon learn to change our expectations. We are a generation that learns through doing, and I don't want us to become so fearful with heads full of things we must not do that we begin to fear messing up. Thats a reality of life too. We all go through the same cycles over and over and that is life, though I'm sure these other writers mean well - I think they forget this sometimes! Mistakes are inevitable.

When I was inside some of the most exquisite buildings I have ever beheld, I was thinking about all these people who had dedicated their lives to creating these incredible pieces of art to be placed in a building that exists to give glory to God. I'm sure they could only have dreamt that hundreds of years later, their work was renowned world wide and now draws people in from countries far and wide. I'm sure they probably thought that what they were doing was only going to give pleasure to God, yet there I stood in awe at what they had done. Perhaps at the time they felt like their dream to be a great painter would never happen. But they did it anyway, and now look at them. In the Keats museum, I read about how his life was cut terribly short, at 26 years old he died of tuberculosis. He died thinking he had failed as a poet, though that is what he loved to do. He was inspired to write verses about what he saw and lived. Though at the time, he was slated - there I was stood in a memorial of his life. People told him his dream would fail, but it didn't. 

I have Faith that though God, my life has a higher plan and a better purpose than what I had for it. I believe God will use me in a more beautiful way than I could ever have used myself. If I had my way, it would never be as great as His way will be. Though at times it feels harder, in the end - my heart will be glad for He has fulfilled my every need. I don’t want us all to get so caught up in thinking ‘sorry guys, but your reality will be nothing like what is in that movie, or what is in your daydream - it’s not all about you.’ It’s not all about me, my plans, my purposes but nowhere are we told that we shouldn’t have desires, wants, needs and dreams. God sees our hearts and he put His desires for our lives into them. Don’t be afraid of your future because it wont look exactly as you thought it would, be excited for it! You could end up in a place in which you would never have put yourself, living a life more fulfilled than you could have dreamt. 

Much Love xxx

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Thoughts on Love.

The topic of Love so far has been one of my favourite parts of life's journey. Love inspires people, encourages people, brings people together and makes sacrifices, amongst many other things. 

Love is what motivates me, more specifically the love that I have found through my ever growing Faith in my ever loving God. In the Bible, the greatest commandment relates to love.

 'Jesus said, "'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.' This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: 'Love others as well as you love yourself.' These two commands are pegs; everything in God's Law and the Prophets hangs from them.' Matthew 25:37-40 

Do we love ourselves? If we do, how well? We weren't created to hate or dislike what we are, for we were created IN love, through love, BY love. (1 John 4:8) The image we see in the mirror is a reflection of our creator, when He looks at me, He loves what He sees. He promises that nothing can separate me from the love that He has for me, (Romans 8:38-39) and I have learnt to embrace that. I am full of life because of that fact. We have to accept that, because that is truth, and truth brings freedom. None of us should be bound by anything, rather we should be living in freedom of acceptance, knowing that we were made exactly how we were supposed to be. That doesn't mean we don't have our down days, trust me! But this is something that needs to be constantly grasped.

One of my favourite pieces of the Bible is here:

"So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover's life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God." Philippians 1:9-11

I find these verses so fascinating - it's all well and good wanting to love absolutely EVERYONE we ever meet, but sometimes we have to understand that though we may love people, we may not always be the right person to help them. Sometimes we have to back away from certain friendships or relationships and focus more time and energy on others. It is ok that friendships may come to a natural end, it does not mean you do not love that person, because recognising that a season is over is part of life. We must love WELL, this is rich and deep and is not shallow or surface-level. Jesus focussed a lot of his ministry on hanging out with those who were cast out by their society, and at times, sacrificed his reputation to be with them. That, is love. He gave them his time, his words and truth. That is our job. We don't have to be known by everyone, we have to be wise and understand that sincere love has more of an impact than offering a sprinkling of love here and there because it is 'what we should do.' I would much rather have a positive, deep and meaningful impact upon 3 people that would change their lives than love 300 people a little bit and make no difference whatsoever. We are not here to make a song and dance about this fact, we are here plainly and simply as instruments of love, showing people that this God we believe in is actually pretty great. 

For me, loving God's creation is the most natural response in the world after what I believe He did for me. How could it not be?

x x x x

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What Private Life?

After a few tough months, I can finally feel my heart stirring again. I had a wonderful lunch today with a passionate lady who has been thinking over similar things to me. I got to thinking about this whole social networking scene, and how we are beginning to lose our privacy. 


Now, I'm as guilty as anyone about throwing all my personal information all over facebook as I guess I thought people cared. But lately, I've become a lot more selective about what goes on there. Does anyone actually care if I was 'with six other people at Nandos' or does anyone really want to see a picture of what I had for tea last night? The truth is I don't think anyone gives two hoots. So why do we feel the need to do it? Is it an insecurity thing? An attention thing? Does it make us feel better about ourselves if we get '10 likes' for our latest status? In the grand scheme of things what does it really matter? Our worth doesn't come from things such as those. 


I'm starting to re-find the joy in doing things that nobody else needs to know about. Truthfully, in my house at the moment I can't get away with leaving the house without everyone wondering where I'm going, but i'm trying to keep some things private. Everyone doesn't need to know who I've been with, what we talked about, where we went - because those things happened in that moment, for us, not for anyone else. 


When I think about relationships, (though I am not in one - I will relate this to God instead) I think about how there are things that no-one else needs to know. Phone calls you might have, romantic gestures, dates , conversations etc. Those things are for you two to enjoy together, and they should be private. It should be your choice whether or not you want to share that with anyone. When I look to the Bible, there are plenty of times when Jesus would remove himself from being with everyone, and he would take himself away to a mountain and he would sit with God. It would be their time to enjoy each other. Who knows what Jesus prayed about, what he thought about in those moments but God? No-one. That is how it should be. Those are precious moments that mean something to you and to God. 


What I am trying to say is that there is nothing wrong with holding back parts of you and your relationships that the whole world doesn't need (or want) to know. I am pretty sure that for most of the cack I've put on facebook in the past, (to quote Ross) 'no-one even gives a tiny rats ass' about it. So why do feel the need to do it!? It is our choice whether or not we put ourselves that much on display. I have decided I'm going to think more about what I show to the world, and what I keep for friendships and other relationships. I remember people used to say that texting was 'ruining the art of coversation' and I thought that was stupid. But with all these technological advancements, we really are losing the art of building relationships and instead we are throwing ourselves all over social networking. There has to be a healthy balance!

From this day forwards, I vow to spend more time building real life relationships, think about improving my friendships and meeting new people, with less time spent building virtual communities and wasting hours of my life on facebook.

The old fashioned way of actually being with people is a much better use of our time. :)

xx

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