The road to Northern Ireland.

Although I will post this after I've set sail, I currently write as a I take a break from once again packing as much as possible into various suitcases to begin the next stage. It feels exciting and daunting and a little surreal. Ever the dreamer, I have played this moment over and over in my head. Each time I visited Northern Ireland, I felt myself yearning to stay there more and more. I fell in love with the people and the natural beauty, the slower pace, the storytelling and the hospitality.

After things in my job became increasingly stressful, I knew I was faced with an opportunity. This could be it. Although my job gave me some incredible experiences doing work I loved, along with extensive travel - it meant sacrificing a regular routine and in many ways the kind of roots and connections that I craved. Of course, we can't have it all ways, and that was a good and right season in my life which taught me invaluable lessons and allowed me to grow in countless ways. But as the new year came, I knew my time there was up. I said goodbye at the very end of February and went on holiday to, you've guessed it - Northern Ireland. 

It was a perfect couple of weeks filled with rest, time to myself, walks on the beach (in the rain and hail!), trips to new places and most importantly - time spent making new friendships. It confirmed everything for me - this was going to be my new 'place.' After I booked my trip, I received an email inviting me to an interview in Belfast, which I attended the first week of the trip. I was informed that I wouldn't know the outcome for a while for various reasons and what followed was a very nervous 14 day wait. I convinced myself it was not to be (I'd had an interview elsewhere and didn't get it, along with not getting shortlisted a number of times), and was preparing to enter plan B when the phone call came to say I'd been offered the job.

So that was it! The plans were set in motion, dates decided, contracts exchanged, ferry booked, it was happening. I have been advised by many that the first few weeks will require plenty of grace for myself. Of course, it isn't just a new job but a new country, new culture, new place to live, new friends, new orientation and new routine. I haven't worked in an office for over 2.5 years and was in a very small team before and this office will be ten times larger in number! I've also never worked in a city before and haven't had to 'commute' for a long time. I'm sure it will take a while to balance into a new rhythm and that will require a lot of 'going with the flow,' which can sometimes disagree with my personality. Most of all, I want to have fun, to enjoy and embrace it all - all the unknowns, differences and newness. I'm ready for long walks on the beach, finding new coffee shops and favourite spots. Building friendships and becoming familiar with it all. 

Of course, I wouldn't be in this spot without the support, love, encouragement and generosity of my dear friends and family. Stepping back out after some time in Yorkshire never gets easier but I'm so grateful that so many people are rooting for me. I never take that for granted. This all follows a difficult year in which I really had to learn to be kind to myself, and it was a lot of hard work, risk and an ounce or two of courage to get here. I am thankful for all that I have learnt so far on my Master's course and the inspiring leaders I have already met through that. I think that's really what helped me put this plan into motion. They say it takes a village - and I believe it, I couldn't be without mine! 

Love, 

S x

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Ode to Washi.

As many of you may know, I have been really busy lately trying to think of creative ways to fundraise for my upcoming American internship, other than relying on my fundraising page. I didn't want to simply ask people to throw their money at me to send me to pursue my dream job, but wanted to make nice things that would cause people to think of me when they are wrapping gifts, making hampers or spreading jam on their toast. Though, that does sound a bit weird. Anyway! I have loved this chance to get my craft box out and make nice things.

Recently, I was lucky enough to win a lovely giveaway, sent all the way from America from this beautiful blog created by this beautiful artist. I have had a quietly growing obsession for my beloved Filofax ever since I bit the bullet and bought one, which in-turn, has led to a quietly growing obsession for washi tape. What is washi tape, I hear you cry? My computer certainly doesn't know, as it keeps auto-correcting it to 'wash,' so I had better show you.

The Winning Washi

This is washi tape.

This is MY washi tape.

Along with this parcel of beauty from Aimee, came some other little brightly adorned things - one of which was a handy card filled with suggestions of how to use my tape:

Some of the things like sealing envelopes and using on gift bags are things that I like to do - they just make everything look so P.R.E.T.T.Y. The tapes are also quite strong so they stick to things really well.

                                               

I haven't had a lot of time to get making because I have been distracted by Christmas crafts as well as working and travelling as preparation for my big adventure, but here are some of the things I've been able to do with this tape:

I decorated plain pencils and brown tags (below)

I made cupcake flags

Geek moment. I decorated my Filofax.

I have started to make tags containing my Delaware address to hand to people so we can write to each other (these were a bit of a test!!).

I was so excited to win something, especially something to add to my craft box, especially ESPECIALLY because it came from America! This is the current extent of my small washi obsession:

Most of them were bought in small packs with 2 or 3 in for about £1.99 and all of them are being used in my fundraising craft making so that my friends, is my justification. Some of the other things I plan on doing with the tape are:

• Decorating tea-lights
• Making mini-bunting for cards 
• Wrapping Christmas presents/fundraising items
• Jazzing up my own craft items like jars/tins for pens and pencils

Some of my Christmas tags featuring the washi!

Thank you ladies for inspiring me, I wholeheartedly recommend following their blogs and checking out the artsyville store to get your own beautiful items if you are that way inclined! 

Much Love xxx

p.s. my lovely little artwork arrived today from Lori, all the way from Florida to a cold and blustery England! Thank you Lori, I love my little package !! xx 

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My American Dream.

I can't BELIEVE I finally get to write this post. It has been such a long time coming! This past year since graduating has not been without it's challenges for me. I spent the first six months after moving home searching for a job and getting nowhere fast. At my lowest, I sat and burst into tears with the lady in the benefits office who was trying to help me find work. I finally got some temp jobs, both went disastrously wrong, not because I couldn't do the job but for other reasons. I finally found a permanent role back in January which was not without it's learning curves but whilst I was on holiday last week, the company I worked for went into administration the day before everyone's pay day and 500 people lost their jobs.

My real turning point came a few months ago, after I thought I had found 'THE JOB.' I was so sure it was for me and I spent every day for about two months praying and thinking about it. When the closing date came around, I wasn't offered an interview. The shock of that sent me well and truly back to the drawing board. Sitting at square one, I thought about things like; in my dream world, what would I do? Where would I go? What do I KNOW I want to do? One thing quickly sprang to mind:

America. The place that I had ALWAYS wanted to explore, to figure out if it was the place for me. I want to set a disclaimer here; I am under no impression that America is some kind of dream world where everything is perfect and doesn't have issues similar to the ones we have here. I cannot explain where this dream came from or why it is there, but it is! I love the place. I decided it was time to try and find a door of opportunity that would give me a chance to experience everyday life in America and decide if it is something I want to pursue long-term. Today, I can officially say I was offered that chance. I have been offered a place as a voluntary intern with an organisation called 'YFC' or Youth For Christ in Delaware. I will go out there for 6 months starting next January to do an urban youth work placement working with at-risk youths. I am still trying to process all of this and have SO much to do to prepare for it, but this is a way for me to invest in my future, to gain experience, to live in another culture, to meet new people and to go for my dream! I will be doing some fundraising to get the costs of my trip together which I am really excited about!

So many things have led me to this place, it would take me forever to explain but I can honestly say that however difficult the past few months have been for me - I wouldn't change a thing. I have dealt with a whole host of experiences that have grown and strengthened me in so many ways. I think it's fair to say that I have been fairly unlucky but that is life! I am not here to complain. 

I will say that some of the things that have kept me going are these words in particular:

 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Matt 7:8

I wrote these words, along with some others and stuck them on the mirror attached to my bedroom door. I saw them every time I went in the room, fixed my hair, took off my make up. In those words I found hope that eventually, I would knock on the right door and it would be opened. In the times of deep confusion - I hated seeing them because I didn't want to believe them, but today, the opportunity I had asked for, sought out and knocked the door of - opened! If you are in a similar position, if you have a dream, or a place that you have always wanted to live or work in - I would encourage you to GO FOR IT! The reason I became so determined to find an opportunity was that I didn't want to wait ten years and wish I had done it, I don't want to regret! However hard and hopeless life can feel, there is always something to learn from every experience, good or bad. It is always good to have hopes and dreams, and to work hard for those! 

I wrote this blog over a year ago, isn't it amazing how things work out! Who knows, maybe whilst I am in Delaware I will get to go visit that statue. Don't give up on your dreams y'all! We only have one life, don't lose yourself in your fear.

If you would like to support me financially, you can do so via this link, all donations would be gratefully received!!

Much Love xxx

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Thou Shalt Not...

I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately. Whilst I was in Greece, I finished off two books that I was halfway through and read 4 from scratch. I’ve also been reading a lot of blogs and articles, mainly with a Christian viewpoint. Whilst I find most of what I read to helpful and challenging, I can’t help but notice the vast amount of articles that tell us, as Christians what we shouldn’t be doing and offering no helpful alternative to what we should be doing. They just feel overwhelmingly negative. 

I will tell you, the ones I tend to read are about relationships. I read one today which I did find interesting as it was about the effect of Rom Coms and how they skew our view of the reality of a relationship. I get it, I do - but I feel like these articles are forcing us to be so un-dream like and so realistic that for me, it feels like the thrill of the chase is being taken out of the equation. Are writers doing this so that we will, to coin an over-used Christian phrase ‘protect our hearts?’ So that we wont be let down when our reality doesn’t involve the man of our dreams turning up at our door with 12 dozen red roses every morning? So that once we’re married it’s not all breakfast in bed, but morning farts as a wake up call? To me, this whole attitude seems a bit fearful. 

I don’t like people telling me that I shouldn’t dream. I have times each day where I like to switch off from everything and spend a bit of time daydreaming. That might involve going on a trip, or a date, or my wedding day or when I’m pregnant. Daydreams allow me to pause reality and think about something entirely different that may get me excited about what is to happen in my future. If it doesn’t happen the way I had dreamt it, then rest assured it will be better. If I wont marry a cowboy, I will marry a man better for me than anyone I could’ve chosen, and we will love each other and our normality, warts and all. If I don’t get my dream job running a cafe then I will be working somewhere I never thought I would be. If I don’t end up living in America, I will be living in a place more beautiful than I could ever have imagined. That is what Faith is. 

I get that people offering wisdom who have 'been there done that' is really helpful and I am thankful for it, but sometimes - and this is what I find to be the hardest part of youth work - we must allow people to learn from their own mistakes, as well as learning important lessons for themselves because whatever happens, sometimes they will not listen. When a relationship comes around, if it isn't what we saw in Pride and Prejudice we will soon learn to change our expectations. We are a generation that learns through doing, and I don't want us to become so fearful with heads full of things we must not do that we begin to fear messing up. Thats a reality of life too. We all go through the same cycles over and over and that is life, though I'm sure these other writers mean well - I think they forget this sometimes! Mistakes are inevitable.

When I was inside some of the most exquisite buildings I have ever beheld, I was thinking about all these people who had dedicated their lives to creating these incredible pieces of art to be placed in a building that exists to give glory to God. I'm sure they could only have dreamt that hundreds of years later, their work was renowned world wide and now draws people in from countries far and wide. I'm sure they probably thought that what they were doing was only going to give pleasure to God, yet there I stood in awe at what they had done. Perhaps at the time they felt like their dream to be a great painter would never happen. But they did it anyway, and now look at them. In the Keats museum, I read about how his life was cut terribly short, at 26 years old he died of tuberculosis. He died thinking he had failed as a poet, though that is what he loved to do. He was inspired to write verses about what he saw and lived. Though at the time, he was slated - there I was stood in a memorial of his life. People told him his dream would fail, but it didn't. 

I have Faith that though God, my life has a higher plan and a better purpose than what I had for it. I believe God will use me in a more beautiful way than I could ever have used myself. If I had my way, it would never be as great as His way will be. Though at times it feels harder, in the end - my heart will be glad for He has fulfilled my every need. I don’t want us all to get so caught up in thinking ‘sorry guys, but your reality will be nothing like what is in that movie, or what is in your daydream - it’s not all about you.’ It’s not all about me, my plans, my purposes but nowhere are we told that we shouldn’t have desires, wants, needs and dreams. God sees our hearts and he put His desires for our lives into them. Don’t be afraid of your future because it wont look exactly as you thought it would, be excited for it! You could end up in a place in which you would never have put yourself, living a life more fulfilled than you could have dreamt. 

Much Love xxx

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When I grow up, I want to be....

Yesterday, I read this article which is all about your passions and how you can create a reality made out of your dreams.

'Yes, meaningful work really is within your grasp. It begins with asking what you do best, and then considering how you can engage your talents in daily work.

You can recapture that childlike creativity you may have lost. You can release the dreams and sense of purpose you had as a child. You may find your prayers invigorated, now knowing there is a day-by-day application of God’s design for your life.'

After I read this, I went away and started to think what I wanted to be as a child. I remember growing up, I used to spend a lot of time by myself because I liked the pleasure of my own company and could easily find things to occupy myself. Which hasn't really changed all that much! I used to spend a lot of time at my gran's house  where every single week I would take my beloved Mary Poppins VHS with me and we would always have tea and ginger biscuits for supper. I also thought about games I used to play and I remember telling some friends at Uni about this because I thought everyone would play it...but it seems they didn't. Either before or after watching Mary Poppins again, I would go to my gran's cupboard and get her old telephone out. I would also get a notepad and play Offices. I would pretend I was taking orders, calling important people and sorting things out in the business. Sometimes my gran would give me old things from my grandad's office that I could use because she did all his invoices. That was a real treat! When I did my work experience, for two weeks I went to my mum's office and loved it. I got to do alsorts of inputting and pretending that I knew what all these people were talking about. Later in life I became an administrator for a couple of jobs which I loved. Now, I am applying for alsorts of administration roles as I couldn't quite decide between that and youth work because unusually, I love both (which is quite rare!)

Thinking back to playing offices made me laugh because though it isn't what every 4 year old dreamt of - it's what I've ended up doing and being quite passionate about. Maybe I was born realistic or something because I can't remember ever wanting to be a superhero or a nanny who flies and jumps into chalk paintings. 

The second game I always used to play was teachers. I would get all my books out and make pretend book logs for all my pupils so I could check how well their reading was coming along. I used to mark all their work with a red pen and leave lots of corrections. I gave them merits and detentions. I was quite fair I think. This also made me laugh, because although I've not ended up in a school, (maybe I will!) I am an educator of sorts. My favourite part of youth work is helping the youngsters develop skills, self-esteem, confidence and the ability to question and make sense of the world around them. I have used my admin dreams to create projects and resources for them to use and then sit and go through it with them. I love that. 

Finding this article made me realise that the dreams you have as a child can absolutely become a reality, as mine have. Of course, I have other dreams such as becoming a mother and marrying a (tall) American cowboy. Or one day owning a café so that I can legitimately spend all day in one of those places. Or setting up my own project that works with young mums as that combines two of my passions - youth work and babies. Those are future dreams. Those are ones that I can make happen! That is exciting. I read another good article in this magazine that talked about 'Millennials' which I had never heard of but I guess i'm one of them and how their work ethic is changing. It said that 50% of millennials would rather have no job than a job they hate. It also described how life isn't all about work to this age group - that it's more important that they are making a difference rather than just working to pay bills. Now, this is nice if what you dream of doing pays well. I realise that not everyone will have this freedom to pursue their dream jobs as if in my case you have chosen a career path that doesn't always pay all that well. But is if you can afford to do it and can learn to live on a little then I think it is better to have a job that is rewarding and is not motivated only by money.

Far, far away...

I think sometimes as Christians we become obsessed with having to work somewhere that isn't our home. We look at people who travel off to Africa for a month or to some other country doing some 'crazy' gap year which leaves us, stuck at home in a seemingly boring job feeling inadequate. Like we aren't living the dream because we are here and they are there. But when these people are out in another country - what are they doing there? Teaching? Running summer schools?  Feeding the hungry? Can't we do that here, on our doorstep? The problem is, is that we're afraid of settling somewhere because we think we should be anywhere else, doing anything else and being anyone else. We can't deal with being normal - early nights, early mornings, routine, work, nights in etc. Just can't be our reality. But it is up to us to make the reality of life more exciting:

'We need to live an adventure in the everyday ordinary'

Of course, being 21 and a recent graduate I too am feeling the fear of settling because the world, right now is my oyster. However, in the place I am in - making everyday an adventure is something I am trying to do - to make the most of it and to enjoy this time as much as I can because any day now it could all change. What i'm saying is that we need to stop comparing ourselves and our lives to other people and to focus on what it is we are called to do and live that to the full. We can get involved in projects, groups, communities, volunteering opportunities in our own towns and make a difference there! That is exciting. Being normal is not a bad thing! 

What are your dreams? How can you incorporate them into your every day life? Who wants to watch Mary Poppins with me?

Much Love xxx

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