On preparing for change.

And just like that, our first Christmas as a 'three' has come and gone. Plus, my first birthday as a mummy! We had a wonderful, albeit busy, time with family visiting from England and it was special to celebrate it together as it was the first Christmas without our Gran. We have already taken down the decorations so we can spend the next few days quietly resting. Which is now more important than it was a few days ago as we have both been struck with whatever virus is going round & we are trying to protect the baby from catching any form of it. As we look ahead to a new year, I always like to take time out to reflect and to think about what is to come, so this seemed like the perfect time to do that. 

For us, 2022 was the year that gave and took away. We found out early on that I was pregnant so that of course changed the trajectory of everything. I remember sitting down the first week of January getting so organised, writing goals |& thinking of what I wanted to achieve, only to throw them out the window two weeks later. From then, I ended up having to change my job unexpectedly in March which was a huge cause of stress, followed by our landlord sending us a WhatsApp message (!) to say she was selling the house right after we had confirmed that we were going to stay another year. With 3 major things happening at once, it felt like everything was up in the air & I didn't know how we'd get through it. Thankfully, by the time we had our first scans and follow ups, we knew everything was fine with the baby, I settled in to my two new part-time jobs and we moved to a house much more suitable to welcome a newborn. 

The stress began to subside slightly once we had finally unpacked & settled into the house & we had our next scan to find out the gender. In the summer, we were able to travel back to England to catch-up with everyone & to have my baby shower. It was such a special time for Tom to finally be able to meet more of my family and friends & sadly it would be the last time I was able to see Gran in person. We were visiting during a heatwave, so being quite pregnant in 30+ degree heat was not an easy experience & we were pretty glad to get back to a much cooler NI! That was really our only break all year so we hope next year to be able to plan a little holiday as paternity leave did not count as rest!

As I wrote recently, Finn arrived 12 days late but he was perfect nonetheless. Since then, we have been enjoying parenthood & watching him grow & change every day. We got through his first vaccinations which I found harder than he did & his next ones are around the corner. We also had a surprise visit to A&E with him due to a high temperature but thankfully everything was fine & he handled it like a champ! Just a few weeks ago, after her quite rapid decline, we lost Gran. Navigating that loss from a distance, whilst juggling the highs & lows of motherhood & ever-changing hormones has been very challenging for me. It has been so many juxtaposing emotions at once. Such a picture of the realities of life. 

Change is on the horizon again, so I thought now would be the perfect time for me to switch off social media for a while & focus on the here & now. In a couple of weeks, I will be returning to one of my jobs, which admittedly is much sooner than I would've imagined, but it is something I have to do. I am very grateful that my employers are being so accommodating & flexible. It also gives me motivation to focus on establishing a routine with Finn & getting him used to spending time with other people. I've also signed us up to a couple of classes to join together which I think will be good for both of us. We will do everything we can to make our new routine work for us - but the stress of finances is something we don't want hanging over us any more - so as a family we are working hard to eliviate some of that. 

One of the major things I learnt about myself after having Finn was how much I love being home & making it a space that is comforting for us all & is somewhere we can thrive & feel safe. Due to that, we have decided in the new year to rearrange the house to make it more functional for all of us. I am spending time looking for furniture & paint colours that will help us create a small home office & make our spare bedroom into Finn's bedroom for when he moves into his bigger bed in a few months. This will also free up some space in our living room to make it more suitable for guests & give more room for Finn to move about in. He is growing so quickly & I really want to spend time organising his clothes & toys so it feels a bit less haphazard. We have nowhere near enough storage for all the beautiful gifts he was showered with this Christmas! I'm excited for a project to focus on, I think it will be a positive way to start the new year!

Overall, 2022 had some high highs and some low lows but as always, we come out stronger because of it. We have the excitement of watching our boy grow, learn & experience new things & the things we have been through together have brought us so much closer together as a family unit. I couldn't be more grateful to have the support that I do & to have a partner who encourages, listens, communicates, cares & loves as well as he does. Our time together is the most precious thing in the world to me right now & we will strive to find a balance that works for us this year. 

Wishing you all a very Happy New Year. Sending peace & love x

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On entering motherhood.

I've realised that however much I intend to sit down and write here, somehow months pass, or in this case - a year has passed - and it always takes me by surprise. But I went for a walk today and whilst watching the waves and clearing my mind it felt like the perfect time to jot down some thoughts. 

At the start of 2022 we learnt that I was pregnant, and although that moment was something I'd dreamed of for as long as I can remember, we couldn't believe it was real. I'm certainly not the first to say that from that moment on, life as you know it is completely different. My body was already changing and we had lots of preparations to make. What followed was a series of other huge life changes including having to switch jobs and undergo a house move. Packing and moving was incredibly stressful but we were so grateful to be in a much more suitable home for us to welcome a baby and we still live very close to the sea.

My pregnancy was pretty straightforward save for the fact that I have always really struggled with anything medical including injections/shots and up until my first hospital appointment, I'd never even had a blood test. All the things I went through following that were very hard for me mentally and I had to find my own coping mechanisms. I told all doctors/nurses/midwives not to describe what they were about to do and that seemed to help me to channel my mind to deal with the situation. At the time of birth, I had a constant supply of gas & air so that helped too! 

I went 12 days overdue (so my September baby became an October baby!) and chose to have an induction to get things moving. Although childbirth was absolutely handsdown the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, I was so grateful that I was able to have the water birth I'd hoped for. It was such a calm experience and I remember all the midwives coming in to our room in the hours that followed saying how relaxed the room was. It just all felt so meant to be. As soon as he arrived, it felt like he had always been here with us. Such a miracle. 

Finn Shepherd has changed our lives in the most wonderful way. Watching him grow, change and learn each day is such a joy. Whenever he smiles it's like nothing else in the world matters because I know he is happy. I am proud of how Tom and I have adjusted to our new addition and we've focused on giving each other what we need to refresh and keep going. For me, that looks like taking my sacred hour or so in the evening for a long hot bubble bath, usually with a podcast/audiobook/music or just silence. I also became pretty obsessed with skincare whilst I was pregnant so I like to take my time to do that nightly ritual. My walks with Finn double up as self-care for me because I love being outdoors and looking at the sea, plus it's good for my healing to get myself moving. The pram usually sends Finn to sleep so then I get some quiet time once we get back home too. I'm slowly learning to use the nap times to pick up things like crafts or reading and other times I can quickly do jobs in the house like prep a slow cooker meal, do laundry or other small things. Some days none of that is possible if Finn wants to use me as a human sofa and that's just fine by me!

I've learnt how much Tom and I both love routine and rituals and we've both naturally fallen into our own roles that help keep everything going. I think for us that's helped maintain a calm and peaceful home, but we know that Finn is the priority and the other things can wait. I've focussed on making our home as cosy as possible so we can all relax and enjoy a positive environment. I recently read "My Hygge Home" by Meik Wiking [find it here] and that gave me some great ideas about how to foster connection in the home. I have read all his books and found the concept of 'hygge' pretty transformational after I read his first book a few years ago [find it here]. I'm sure I've written about it before! 

I have felt quite protective over our newborn bubble and although we have gone on trips the three of us or I've taken Finn out by myself, I am not putting any pressure on us to do that too often at this stage. We enjoy being home and having the comfort of the routine we are building and that just feels too precious to me to disrupt it too much. I've decided to wait until the new year before trying different groups and activities with Finn so we can all just soak up the comfort of home for as long as possible. I know it will be good for both of us to socialise and have new experiences but at the moment we are happy as we are! 

Most of the time, I can't believe it's all happening and I'm actually a Mum. I cherish the moments when Finn and I just stare at each other, trying to take each other in and figure each other out. The love I feel for him is wild. Watching him and Tom bond is like nothing else. I can't wait to watch Finn grow and discover and to see the world through his eyes. We have so many memories to make!

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On changing seasons.

Here we are again - as usual, time has flown and has brought us back to Autumn. Although it is my favourite time of year, it's hard to believe that we're sitting here again after another pandemic filled year. Until we had our holiday this year, I hadn't really appreciated how much change we have all faced and how much we have to process. I know I took that as a sign that I need to prioritise rest and allow myself time to deal with everything that has happened in the last (almost) 2 years.

I always do my best 'processing' by the sea.

For me, the transition to autumn brings permission to hibernate - to get cosy and enjoy being home. It's also a time to cook, bake and enjoy my favourite seasonal things; soups, stews, bread, pumpkin pie, parkin and hot chocolates. It's a reason to light all the candles, snuggle up in blankets, jumpers and wooly socks. To go on long walks in the crisp fresh air and take in all the autumn colours. I've also been sea-swimming regularly and in the colder months it is even more refreshing and awakening and I love getting wrapped up with a flask of something hot afterwards. This year I plan on swimming right through winter - wish me luck! 

Mount Stewart - my favourite place to walk in Autumn

I decided to mark the transition in our home this time and I love the decor I've managed to find, though the challenge is to stop adding to it! I made a very simple leaf garland and some Pumpkins from old jumpers that I got from our local Charity shop. They were a fun and easy make and are decorations I can use again! I plan on doing some foraging for pine cones and acorns to bring a bit more nature indoors. I have perhaps mentioned this before but a number of years ago I read The Little Book of Hygge by Meik Wiking and it really changed my perspective on the autumn/winter months. I appreciate them so much more now! 

The shift in seasons for me is happening both literally and metaphorically. After a lot of hard work and the most stress I've ever experienced - I have recently changed from student to post-grad again. Although our graduation ceremony won't take place until spring 2022, I have officially passed my MA degree and my certificate and transcript is making its' way to me. I learnt so much through this degree, and so many life-changing things happened whilst I was trying to complete it. Job changes, house moves, country moves and new relationships to name a few. I enjoyed my final research piece and for once am proud of myself for achieving that milestone whilst the world was so influx. For those interested, my MA was in Theology, and studying it at this level totally changed my perspective on faith and religion, and although I won't go in to that here - I feel a greater sense of freedom on the other side of it than I did going into it - I had many, many questions and it was good to come across so many different perspectives. What I will say is that Church and I have a complicated relationship and I am taking a very deliberate break from it whilst I continue to explore my own spirituality and beliefs. I am happy to be in that place with it - for something like theology - there are of course no hard and fast answers, so I will see how it evolves for me. 

The next change on the very near horizon is my job. After just over 2.5 years, I am getting ready to move on from my first job in Northern Ireland. Whilst I do feel nervous about the transition, I know it will be a positive change for me. My head knows it is ready for a new challenge and to physically get back out into the world after working from home since March 2020. I hope to meet new people, try new things and find different opportunities. I have trusted my gut instinct for many of the big moves in my life and this one felt so right or "serendipitious" as a few people have called it. Everything fell into place to make my new role happen and I feel deeply grateful for it. 

It has been a difficult year for our family as we have navigated the loss of my Grandad and other challenges that are coming our way. Especially lately, I have been navigating feelings of guilt for not physically being there to support whilst also knowing that if I hadn't made the move, I wouldn't be in a position where I am truly living the life I'd always dreamed of. I am sure that some of us are just born with a "wanderlust" spirit and we feel compelled to carve out our own path in new places, but it always carries such sacrifice. Tom and I will soon be reaching our 2 year anniversary - he has been the best support I could ever have imagined. He has truly been a rock whilst I greived, met deadlines, agonised over big decisions and all that's in between. 

I'll conclude with this image, taken on our recent holiday to Donegal. A rainbow on Portnoo beach; a sign of hope. A reminder of the beauty we can find even when we're in the middle of a storm.

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The road to Northern Ireland.

Although I will post this after I've set sail, I currently write as a I take a break from once again packing as much as possible into various suitcases to begin the next stage. It feels exciting and daunting and a little surreal. Ever the dreamer, I have played this moment over and over in my head. Each time I visited Northern Ireland, I felt myself yearning to stay there more and more. I fell in love with the people and the natural beauty, the slower pace, the storytelling and the hospitality.

After things in my job became increasingly stressful, I knew I was faced with an opportunity. This could be it. Although my job gave me some incredible experiences doing work I loved, along with extensive travel - it meant sacrificing a regular routine and in many ways the kind of roots and connections that I craved. Of course, we can't have it all ways, and that was a good and right season in my life which taught me invaluable lessons and allowed me to grow in countless ways. But as the new year came, I knew my time there was up. I said goodbye at the very end of February and went on holiday to, you've guessed it - Northern Ireland. 

It was a perfect couple of weeks filled with rest, time to myself, walks on the beach (in the rain and hail!), trips to new places and most importantly - time spent making new friendships. It confirmed everything for me - this was going to be my new 'place.' After I booked my trip, I received an email inviting me to an interview in Belfast, which I attended the first week of the trip. I was informed that I wouldn't know the outcome for a while for various reasons and what followed was a very nervous 14 day wait. I convinced myself it was not to be (I'd had an interview elsewhere and didn't get it, along with not getting shortlisted a number of times), and was preparing to enter plan B when the phone call came to say I'd been offered the job.

So that was it! The plans were set in motion, dates decided, contracts exchanged, ferry booked, it was happening. I have been advised by many that the first few weeks will require plenty of grace for myself. Of course, it isn't just a new job but a new country, new culture, new place to live, new friends, new orientation and new routine. I haven't worked in an office for over 2.5 years and was in a very small team before and this office will be ten times larger in number! I've also never worked in a city before and haven't had to 'commute' for a long time. I'm sure it will take a while to balance into a new rhythm and that will require a lot of 'going with the flow,' which can sometimes disagree with my personality. Most of all, I want to have fun, to enjoy and embrace it all - all the unknowns, differences and newness. I'm ready for long walks on the beach, finding new coffee shops and favourite spots. Building friendships and becoming familiar with it all. 

Of course, I wouldn't be in this spot without the support, love, encouragement and generosity of my dear friends and family. Stepping back out after some time in Yorkshire never gets easier but I'm so grateful that so many people are rooting for me. I never take that for granted. This all follows a difficult year in which I really had to learn to be kind to myself, and it was a lot of hard work, risk and an ounce or two of courage to get here. I am thankful for all that I have learnt so far on my Master's course and the inspiring leaders I have already met through that. I think that's really what helped me put this plan into motion. They say it takes a village - and I believe it, I couldn't be without mine! 

Love, 

S x

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On being content.

Let's just pretend that it hasn't been 9 months since I last sat down to write, OK? Good. The past few months have felt like the craziest rollercoaster and I haven't really had much time between rides to sit and gather my thoughts. It's felt like one minute, I'm in Central Park eating PB&J sandwiches with 9 kids who've never left their city before, then I've blinked and I'm atop the Yorkshire hills with two American friends sipping on an orange and lemonade that cost me £4.50 and now I'm sat in a coffee shop in Oxford resting my weary legs having spent the day navigating through various groups of tourists who seem to have no spatial awareness.

It's hard to believe how much change I've experienced lately, how many friends I've gained and done life with for short bursts, before I've run head first into the next adventure. I think in all of this upheaval, what my heart has really been searching for is contentment. A continual feeling of knowing that right here, right now, is where I'm supposed to be. That this stop on the ride is planned and predestined and the people who surround me are meant to be there, to enjoy this season with me for however long it will last.

A few short weeks ago, I left my beloved home once again and started work in Oxfordshire. It was by no means an easy move. That 3 1/2 hour journey felt like a long and lonely one (perhaps because it took me nearly 5!) surrounded by my vacuum packed belongings, as I headed to a place I had never really planned on going. But I can feel it. The knowing that this is it, the place I've been searching for. Contentment.

Of course, life isn't all of a sudden picture perfect. There have been a couple of twists and turns so far but that is to be expected. There was just something about this move that felt inexplicably right. It wasn't part of my master plan, and I certainly didn't see it coming. My heart has always belonged to the North but I have to say, the adjustment has felt quite smooth. My accent thus far remains un-mocked, (in fact it has been enjoyed!) though it has, on occasion, been misunderstood and many natives of the South have questioned what caused me to leave the magnificent hills of Yorkshire for such a town as Didcot, to which I can only answer "this job." But there's something about being able to hop on a train at the weekend and wander through the streets that inspired the likes of Jane Austen and C.S. Lewis that suits my soul.

You see, contentment is a choice. Whether or not I thought I'd be where I am, I can chose to be happy here without yearning for somewhere else. Somewhere else could be better, but this is where I am choosing to be. We can either be constantly looking at other people's gardens, wishing ours were as lush or as well decorated as theirs, or we can tend to our own and appreciate its' beauty for what it is. It's all too easy today to become distracted by social media, as we all so willingly throw out our carefully selected highlights for the world to see but as soon as we scroll the news feeds of others, we quickly begin to feel like our adventures just aren't quite as exciting as we first thought. We devalue ourselves all too easily. We constantly try to go one better, quietly competing with each other and without realising it, we've become discontent with our gifts, talents or even lives, wishing they could be as good as we perceive others' to be. 

There is a time to nurture your own garden, to work on loving and spending time with yourself.  And in doing so, I must urge you to learn not to compare your life, your everyday comings and goings with anyone else's. We each have our own path to walk down, our own choices to make, experiences to enjoy or sometimes, endure and that is what makes us unique. We must learn to celebrate these differences, instead of feeling inadequate when we feel as though we don't quite measure up to our neighbours. In our constant comparisons, we lose so much of our own freedom to enjoy what has been gifted to us so graciously.We must learn (or sometimes, fight) to feel that we have done enough, we have enough and know that we are good enough. When we truly grasp contentment, we don't look at what our neighbour has been given and feel a lack for ourselves, because we appreciate that we have what we need, and they have what they need. We are able to celebrate the blessings received by others because we appreciate the blessings bestowed unto ourselves. 

"God has promised to supply all our needs. What we don't have now we don't need now." Elisabeth Elliot

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Townstock.

This week, I was privileged to help out at an utterly inspirational conference in my local town. Before I had even heard of this conference, I'd been getting these random bursts (check my twitter) of just loving my town and my county. Everyone who met me when I lived in Chester will know how passionate I was about Yorkshire simply because I would bang on about it constantly because I always had a deep yearning to be there. Every time I had a reading week, I would just be so happy to revel in its hills, quirks and eebygums. I missed it. Now that I am back, I am seeing my home with fresh eyes and I am genuinely so excited to be here right now.

I have been able to meet lots of new people, from all walks of life who are running such incredible projects that have been motivated by this same love I feel. I've met people who appreciate everything Halifax and it's surrounding areas have, and they've noticed that it's no longer helpful to moan about our out of touch government doing nothing for us - when we could just do it ourselves. One of my favourite quotes was from a speaker representing an amazing campaign we have called 'Totally Locally.' He said that 'often the people who change their town will be the ones who were born there that move away and come back.' That one hit me square in the eyes because I had wondered why everything seemed new and different! It wasn't just me!

Some of this stuff is exactly what I've been writing/thinking about over these past few months; slowing down, working together, living simply and loving the place you're at. So when I saw this - I did a little squeal of joy:

The Totally Locally 'Manifesto.'

There are so many things in life that we have lost due to the rapid growth of technology. We shop online which means we take money out of our local economy and cut out the middle man of actually talking face to face with someone in a building. We focus on big brands/big names and forget about the independent retailer down the road.We walk past empty shops in our town centres. We've stopped taking risks. These are all issues that were addressed at this conference. The Totally Locally nationwide campaign is to get us to re-invest in our local butchers, shop-keepers, greengrocers, cafés etc and we can achieve this by doing as little as spending £5 each a week in a local business. A small investment that will positively impact all of our futures. I love this movement! It's so important for organisations that have the same interests to begin to meet with each other and establish working relationships because this creates unity and a common goal. It allows us to create quote 'an US culture not a ME culture.' We need to begin to think about what we can GIVE and not GET because this will improve life for everyone.

We also heard from Dan Thompson - a great user of Twitter who gathered troops to clean up after the London riots and who now spreads the good news of Pop up shops. He said a few things that I loved too - it was all very simple and practical but sometimes those are the things we forget. He said we need to 'commit to our dreams' - if you have something that you would really LOVE to do then quote 'get out there and do it' because committing means that something will happen. I have spoken before of our fear to commit; what if it all goes wrong, what if I can't do it, what if it doesn't work the way I had hoped? Well - what if it DOES work? I was in a room full of people who had held these little dreams, that perhaps became known through a chat over a pint but were now affecting not just their own communities but in some cases - over 76 communities! Did they predict that would happen? No, probably not! One speaker had said that 'they created a monster' because their small dream grew so quickly. I found this fascinating. The sharing of these ideas inspired so many people who will have left changed - that will now I am sure, be working on making their dreams for their local area a reality. 

One noteable movement has changed a community through growing vegetables. 'Incredible Edible' was a movement that started by planting seeds that would be available for the general public to harvest and eat. It was a way of breaking barriers between neighbours and those whose paths would not normally cross and for a movement that started from growing beans it is now responsible for changing the lives and attitudes of an entire community! This idea has now spread to 37 towns and it's focus is not to grow great veg but to start a small movement that will empower the individual to make a change and positive impact for the future of others. This idea is quote 'not rocket science' but it is so inspiring!

We also heard from vInspired who are doing lots of great things to engage young people in volunteering. The speaker - Terry Ryall made some excellent points about the negative view cast upon young people by adults and said that quote 'young people are not something wrong that need to be fixed, rather they are an asset.' I did a little AMEN inside at that point. Young people are so passionate - they think first with their emotions and find it natural to speak out upon injustice, (this is what I LOVE about working with them) when this is put to positive use - their potential is great. When we see young people as an asset - we can turn them into an opportunity by asking quote 'what are YOU passionate about and how can WE take action on that?'

Some inspiring ideas that came directly from young people were found in 'Teenage Markets' in Stockport set up by Joseph Barratt (an excellent communicator) that used the creativity of its citizens to do something for and by young people. He spoke of 'collaborating and fusing generations' i.e. bringing people together to provide something new and fun for their area. I loved this idea as it put the power back into the hands of the young, young people thrive off being given responsibility and ownership - this is something we MUST invest in and encourage. 

Following on from this, I enjoyed the talk given by Adrian Bird from Halifax Opportunities Trust as he spoke to businesses about the importance of quote 'funding projects that help the young.' Not only this, but we must educate young people to understand that quote 'nearly all employment opportunities have value - the embarrassment barrier needs to be broken down.' He put forward a great suggestion that businesses and organisations should invite young people in to give them hands on experience, but also organisations should have 'a youthful workforce that they are prepared to develop.' Speaking from my own experience in my current job search - this is not happening enough!

To conclude, it seems that individuals who want to make a change in the place they live are getting up and doing it. We can't sit here just wishing things were different when we could be the ones to shake it up! I personally have been motivated to continue searching for the right job but in the meantime - this is the place I want to be. I am blessed to know some of these incredibly inspirational people and will continue to seek to help wherever I can. I would encourage you to put feet to your dreams, to get off your bum and to be the change because you never know where it might lead! 

A few questions...

- What is going on in your local area?

- Is there anything you can get involved with?

- Do you volunteer anywhere?

- What would you like to change?

- What is stopping you?

For further information on all the people/organisations I have mentioned:

- Townstock

- Totally Locally

- vInspired

- Dan Thompson

- Joseph Barratt

- Incredible Edible

- Halifax Opportunities Trust

Much Love xxx

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In which I change.

If these past few months have taught me anything, it's that I'm not the person I used to be. I remember how I would describe myself whilst I was still at Uni - it would be something along the lines of 'organised, love planning, hate surprises, in control.' Now, I think that couldn't be further from the truth.  For one, I have come to believe that organisation is more of a skill or gift than a personality attribute. I guess I've reached this place where I'm not able to be in control at all, so I have had to learn to wait for surprises and I can't really make any plans until a few important steps have been made.

I'm in a place where I have had to adapt to my present circumstances but still remain content with where I am. I think that's half the battle; being in a place I didn't think I would be waiting for an opportunity to come my way but still remaining hopeful and happy. I have met with professionals lately who have asked me 'where do I want to be?' or 'where do I see myself going?' and I've surprised myself with my change in answer. Before, I was very set - youth work, because that's what I'm trained in, but when you look a bit deeper or a bit wider the path isn't as narrow as it seems. I'm rediscovering my 'I could go anywhere' approach. This doesn't have to mean geographically but it could mean in the first role I end up with and where that could lead to in the future. We're in an age where it isn't common to stay in one trade for our entire lives - we're much more...flitty (I am not sure this is a word but it feels right, like a butterfly I was thinking) than that and we have so many more opportunities.

So instead of being obsessed with lists, scared of surprises, needing to know what is coming - I am feeling excited because I feel renewed, with a new lease of life and less fear. I hate fear. It has no place in our lives as it comes and takes over and robs us of opportunities. It tells us our dreams aren't big enough, that we aren't good enough, that we should always want for more, that we should have what our friends have because what we have isn't enough. But that's not right!

If we invest in the people that love us, right where we are then we are well on the way to being prepared for whatever life may throw at us. Whether that be good, or bad. Hard, or easy. Happy, or sad. I think that is the key. Community is what we need to do life, to live it rich in love and togetherness. That is what really matters, our dependence on each other whether that be family or friends. Those things are more important than my career for even if I don't end up doing what I studied, it doesn't matter as long as I am happy.

 I no longer place value on 'things' but in 'people.' I've been really blown away this past week with the amazing network of people I have in my life. This has brought about more opportunities than I could ever have thought possible, or that I could have planned for myself. I look forward to the time when I can do the same thing for someone else because I couldn't have gotten anywhere lately without the help and time of others. This is something else that has changed me. I have always been fiercely independent. If someone showed me how to do something like baking, using a computer programme etc, I was off - I could then do it on my own and continue to work it out for myself. But I have begun to wonder whether that's really how I want to live. I don't want to be an authority figure, I want to be a team player who gets in and serves alongside others. I want to choose to live life alongside others, so knowing that I could do a task more easily by myself isn't important, because I would rather learn together, with someone else. I really believe that this is what we have lost and I for one am going to fight for it. I think a level of dependence is healthy and necessary if we are ever to live in true community. We each have different skills that when used together equal something greater than if we were going at it alone.

I feel like this has been a bit rambly so to clarify:

- We need to learn to reflect on our experiences in order to change, grow and adapt to new circumstances.

- Investing in each other is more important than worrying about the future for those who love us will support us whatever happens.

- We shouldn't be afraid.

- Living in and for community is better than living by and for ourselves.

Much Love xxx 

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