What a difference a day makes...

This week, I have been dwelling on the need to take each day as it comes. Youth Ministry often has no pattern, no set expectations and no guarantees. One week or even one session can feel like you've reached the top of a mountain and the next day feels like you're back in the valley ready to start again. The kids can arrive in a great mood, making planned activities easy and fun or, they can arrive in a mood whereby no activities can happen because your whole time with them is spent getting them to do as they are asked. You just never do know. 

I can't go into every day here expecting to see great results of the work I've put in. I can't expect that the kids will walk into this center, full of manners, calm attitudes, respect for the rules and full co-operation. If I expect that, I am going to be very disheartened very quickly. I may as well not even bother! The aim here, is to take each session we have as a fresh start. What happened with the kids on Monday is in the past, we do not dwell, we move on to today and we do so with renewed hope and enthusiasm. 

This is probably one of the toughest places I will ever find myself. The environment here is such a tough one to crack, the attitudes that the kids have been taught, if they have been given the time by their parents to be taught; are very difficult to challenge. This can't be done in a day, but little by little; one seed at a time. Last week I was speaking to one of the guys who came to the drop in as he asked me to make some more popcorn for them. I told him that if he spoke to me properly, then I would do it. We went through the right way to ask for something and threw some pleases and thank you's in there. On Monday, he approached me and said 'can I have some soda, please?' That for me, was a success. That is the size of the success we have to take here. 

The kids who come here will never know the hours we agonise over how we can love them better, how we can change ourselves to better suit their needs, how to respond to situations they present us with, how to deal with things well so we don't risk losing them. But that to me is the true beauty of what we do. They think we just open up the center a couple of days a week and that's it. They will never truly know the personal sacrifices, the headaches, the sleepless nights and the light bulb moments at 2am that we go through to find the strength to open those doors each time. But they don't need to know. It is up to us to find the hope for each day and the opportunities that brings. It is up to us to celebrate every success, big or small. It is up to us to bring transformation drop by drop through our Faithfulness to this cause and remain prepared for anything. 

It's a good job that we believe in a great big ever-loving God.

Love, S x

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Oh, Night Divine!

I can't believe it's Christmas eve again..where has this year gone?! It's taken much longer this year for me to feel as festive as I normally do. One year whilst I was at University, I secretly decorated my entire bedroom, tree and all - my housemates only found out one by one if they knocked on my door and I let them in. That was a great October. Ha! Alas, this year I was lucky enough to experience Thanksgiving too so I will have had my fair share of turkey by the end of 2013. 

I have just gotten round to the aforementioned sugar cookies, but didn't really have enough time to but 100% effort into the decorating stage. I chose the lovely Gooseberry Patch Recipe as I had the same cutter as the one they used, and I just think their recipes are too darned CUTE. I accidentally made about 1 million cookies but hey ho - it's Christmas! One of them tragically broke in half so I was forced to try it and it was pretty yummy. 

I'm also ready for my annual Christmas Eve tradition of opening my gifts from friends at midnight that usually live under our Christmas Tree. I fought long and hard for the right to do them separately and I won. I am ready for it once again:

Last night, one of my best friends and I enjoyed a wonderful 3 course meal with a free bottle of Prosecco as part of my early Birthday celebrations. I am travelling down south on the day so I am dragging out the festivities as long as physically possible.

Thankyou, Italy and goodnight. 

We also like cocktails.

                                   

Cheers, to being another year older!

As for the rest of today, we are going to 'stay classy' and go see Anchorman 2 - before heading home for a midnight tipple and the chance to dive in to round one of my presents. I don't care how old I get, Christmas always makes me feel like it did when I was 6!! 

So, I would like to wish all of my L-O-V-E-L-Y readers the Merriest of Christmases and the Happiest of New Years! Be sure to check back here in 2014 as I blog my American Adventures. I think 2014 is going to be my most exciting one yet and I can't WAIT to share it with you all! 

Much Love xxx

P.s. I may or may not have opened the tree presents from my friends over an hour early. I simply could not wait any longer.

P.p.s. Someone PLEASE take this box of twilight mints away from me.

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My American Dream.

I can't BELIEVE I finally get to write this post. It has been such a long time coming! This past year since graduating has not been without it's challenges for me. I spent the first six months after moving home searching for a job and getting nowhere fast. At my lowest, I sat and burst into tears with the lady in the benefits office who was trying to help me find work. I finally got some temp jobs, both went disastrously wrong, not because I couldn't do the job but for other reasons. I finally found a permanent role back in January which was not without it's learning curves but whilst I was on holiday last week, the company I worked for went into administration the day before everyone's pay day and 500 people lost their jobs.

My real turning point came a few months ago, after I thought I had found 'THE JOB.' I was so sure it was for me and I spent every day for about two months praying and thinking about it. When the closing date came around, I wasn't offered an interview. The shock of that sent me well and truly back to the drawing board. Sitting at square one, I thought about things like; in my dream world, what would I do? Where would I go? What do I KNOW I want to do? One thing quickly sprang to mind:

America. The place that I had ALWAYS wanted to explore, to figure out if it was the place for me. I want to set a disclaimer here; I am under no impression that America is some kind of dream world where everything is perfect and doesn't have issues similar to the ones we have here. I cannot explain where this dream came from or why it is there, but it is! I love the place. I decided it was time to try and find a door of opportunity that would give me a chance to experience everyday life in America and decide if it is something I want to pursue long-term. Today, I can officially say I was offered that chance. I have been offered a place as a voluntary intern with an organisation called 'YFC' or Youth For Christ in Delaware. I will go out there for 6 months starting next January to do an urban youth work placement working with at-risk youths. I am still trying to process all of this and have SO much to do to prepare for it, but this is a way for me to invest in my future, to gain experience, to live in another culture, to meet new people and to go for my dream! I will be doing some fundraising to get the costs of my trip together which I am really excited about!

So many things have led me to this place, it would take me forever to explain but I can honestly say that however difficult the past few months have been for me - I wouldn't change a thing. I have dealt with a whole host of experiences that have grown and strengthened me in so many ways. I think it's fair to say that I have been fairly unlucky but that is life! I am not here to complain. 

I will say that some of the things that have kept me going are these words in particular:

 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Matt 7:8

I wrote these words, along with some others and stuck them on the mirror attached to my bedroom door. I saw them every time I went in the room, fixed my hair, took off my make up. In those words I found hope that eventually, I would knock on the right door and it would be opened. In the times of deep confusion - I hated seeing them because I didn't want to believe them, but today, the opportunity I had asked for, sought out and knocked the door of - opened! If you are in a similar position, if you have a dream, or a place that you have always wanted to live or work in - I would encourage you to GO FOR IT! The reason I became so determined to find an opportunity was that I didn't want to wait ten years and wish I had done it, I don't want to regret! However hard and hopeless life can feel, there is always something to learn from every experience, good or bad. It is always good to have hopes and dreams, and to work hard for those! 

I wrote this blog over a year ago, isn't it amazing how things work out! Who knows, maybe whilst I am in Delaware I will get to go visit that statue. Don't give up on your dreams y'all! We only have one life, don't lose yourself in your fear.

If you would like to support me financially, you can do so via this link, all donations would be gratefully received!!

Much Love xxx

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In which we run fully clothed into a fountain.

These words have been stalking me recently. Well, for the past year actually. For months, I have read them day in, day out wondering if I will ever put them back into practice. When I was at University, I did this a lot. My sense of adventure and excitement for spontaneity were alive and well. It didn't matter that we travelled for 8 hours down to the opposite end of the country to watch a one hour concert on the beach. Nor did it really matter that we arrived home from London at 2am to find the entire contents of our bedrooms switched around with someone else. We celebrated engagements, birthdays, jubilees, Christmas and 2-4-1 cocktails on a Thursday evening. We had weekends away, trips to the beach, journeys to the supermarket after midnight (rebellion at it's best.) We spent every night in the garden drinking cider and having BBQ's with our neighbours. We spent an entire day filling a paddling pool with water and all sat in it, just the once. We didn't really have a reason to fear the future, we were having too much fun! We were too busy enjoying the moment, making the most of where we were, because we knew that it wouldn't last forever. Those three years were for staying up until 4am most nights talking about goodness knows what, to adventure, to learn and experience, to find ourselves before the real world hit. No responsibilities, enjoying our independence. Those amazing years came and went so quickly that it already feels like a distant memory. 

I wasn't prepared for the job market to be as it has been. I have made so many plans based on 'if I get this job, I can...' or 'I'll be able to...' only to be turned down because I don't have enough experience. So, back to the drawing board. I've had a year of 'what will you do next?' 'Where will you go?' 'Why don't you move?' 'Do you really want that job?' 'Have you tried this, or that?' Truth be told, these questions have not made my life any easier! I have explored so many avenues to get where I want to be yet sometimes it feels like I am no closer. I have no answers, because I have no clue what's going on here! 

'She laughs without fear of the future...'

^

You may have gathered by now, that I have not done a lot of that lately. I recently attended a conference that focussed a lot on this. The masks that some of us hide behind; inadequacy, victim, perfection. Our constant battle to be 'worry free' when actually, a certain level of worry is both necessary and healthy - when we gain control of it. I learnt a lot that day. I realised how afraid I feel of making the wrong decision because I feel so lost. What if I regret this? What if I don't do this and wish I had? But a better question I needed to ask myself was this; when was the last time that I didn't feel afraid? 

It all hit me, one sunny day with a friend. You see, the weather has been driving England crazy lately. I know that we are infamous for moaning CONSTANTLY about the weather, but the problem is that it's so unpredictable that we are unprepared for everything. Snow, sun, rain, fog. We don't get enough of one weather type to make proper precautions so instead we just moan. It's never just right. We have had about a month of sunshine. Today, for the first time in as long as I can remember, I took a coat out with me, not only that, but an umbrella. Our homes and many of our shops, restaurants and cafés are not air conditioned, so we have all had to buy fans to prevent us from melting. Nobody is sleeping. But now the rain has started again, everybody is moaning because THE SUN HAS GONE. 

I digress. One fine day a couple of weeks ago, I was sat with a friend eating an ice-cream whilst we dipped our toes in a pool of water in the centre of Bradford. It was so hot that dipping our toes simply wasn't cutting the mustard. There were kids running through the fountains, splashing around in swimming costumes. So were there parents. I couldn't watch it, it was just torture - everything within me wanted to just run in there, regardless of the fact that I was fully clothed. So, we discussed this pickle in which we found ourselves and decided to drop off our belongings and my friends house and go back to the water to walk around in it. My friend was able to change into more sensible clothes, whereas I did not come prepared for this. We left our shoes with a random family and walked into the water:

photo credit

But that wasn't enough. There was a huge fountain spraying out in the middle that people were running through. We saw a guy run through it and I thought he didn't actually look that wet. So, we had to do it too. We ran. We got drenched. We LAUGHED. We laid down in the water, enjoying the sun for a while, in between a splash fight with a small child and another run through the giant fountain. I didn't care that I had mascara all down my face. I didn't care that my hair was dripping wet. I didn't care that we were walking through a busy city centre soaking wet. I didn't even care that I didn't have a change of clothes and I had to go home on the train.

I didn't CARE about the consequences, because I wanted to enjoy the moment. Not just dip my toes in whilst watching everyone else have fun, but to run into the fountain, fully clothed with my eyes closed. It was so liberating! Though to you, this may seem like nothing - for me it was a wake up call. I have been so caught up, worrying about which road to go down when really, I don't need to. I have allowed my worry to rob me of my JOY. This is not how it should be! 

'For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.' 2 Tim 1:7

Whatever road I go down, I will be challenged, blessed and tested. I cannot spend my days waiting for tomorrow to find joy in today. I must FULLY live now - it is a choice! I have to take steps into the un-known, not knowing what might be ahead of me and live it, do it and experience it. None of us know what tomorrow holds, but we CAN choose whether we will allow worry to rob us of our joy or if we will allow joy to eliminate our worry.

Much Love xxx

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Goodbye, 2012!

I suppose a New Years post was inevitable! I love new years, I always feel such hope and a sense of a new beginning - and though people complain that it's all about the hype - they need to try harder to maintain that excitement! It's been a while since I have written anyway, mainly because I feel i've left little time to think lately. 2012 was a very interesting year, full of lots of big things; sad endings and the closing of great chapters, I felt the sadness of difficulties experienced by loved ones close to me, had amazing adventures in 4 different countries, finally finished reading the Twilight Saga (ha!), made new friendships, restored old ones, moved back to Yorkshire, started the job search (still ongoing), became a graduate and started drinking Whiskey.

Looking at the start of a New Year, I'm hoping that 2013 will make more sense to me than 2012 did. It was all very unsettled, which didn't feel very comfortable or natural for me. I'm hoping that I will know, at least for a short time that I am stationed in one place. I am beginning to see the importance of just gaining a bit of life experience and living a quiet life for a while. At the core of me, that's what I've always yearned for anyway! This year, I want to focus mainly on being the best friend that I can be - making sure I spend good quality time with those who mean the most to me because in the long run, that's what truly makes a difference. I learnt a lot in 2012 about patience so waiting for a great job wont seem so hard, as long as in the meantime I have something to keep me occupied!

One thing that's really been on my mind I guess throws everything up in the air. I realised lately that I hardly ever make decisions based purely on what I think is right for me. I always feel that I have to explain myself to everyone around me, perhaps because my friends can be very vocal about what they think is right for me. Whilst I appreciate their input, I no longer want to feel guilty that I am making wrong decisions based on what they think rather than what I think. After all, I have one short life to make the most of - and I don't want to have regrets. So, I have made a couple of decisions that are potential game changers, that feel totally right. I need some space to evaluate, and work out what my Faith is for myself. I don't want to base it on other people's interpretations or opinions, I want to know what it really means for me. I've never really let myself have that before! I will no longer feel that I have to explain my decisions, though people may want other things for me - I am allowed to chose where to go and what to do as much as everybody else is! Good friends support each others decisions, and if their concerns are legitimate I will of course pay attention to them, if not - I wont! Ha.



Other than that - I'd like to see more of the world, love more, laugh more, bake more and live more - being thankful for everyday in this crazy world of uncertainty. Thank you for everything, 2012.

Bring it on 2013.

Much Love xxx

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