On entering motherhood.

I've realised that however much I intend to sit down and write here, somehow months pass, or in this case - a year has passed - and it always takes me by surprise. But I went for a walk today and whilst watching the waves and clearing my mind it felt like the perfect time to jot down some thoughts. 

At the start of 2022 we learnt that I was pregnant, and although that moment was something I'd dreamed of for as long as I can remember, we couldn't believe it was real. I'm certainly not the first to say that from that moment on, life as you know it is completely different. My body was already changing and we had lots of preparations to make. What followed was a series of other huge life changes including having to switch jobs and undergo a house move. Packing and moving was incredibly stressful but we were so grateful to be in a much more suitable home for us to welcome a baby and we still live very close to the sea.

My pregnancy was pretty straightforward save for the fact that I have always really struggled with anything medical including injections/shots and up until my first hospital appointment, I'd never even had a blood test. All the things I went through following that were very hard for me mentally and I had to find my own coping mechanisms. I told all doctors/nurses/midwives not to describe what they were about to do and that seemed to help me to channel my mind to deal with the situation. At the time of birth, I had a constant supply of gas & air so that helped too! 

I went 12 days overdue (so my September baby became an October baby!) and chose to have an induction to get things moving. Although childbirth was absolutely handsdown the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, I was so grateful that I was able to have the water birth I'd hoped for. It was such a calm experience and I remember all the midwives coming in to our room in the hours that followed saying how relaxed the room was. It just all felt so meant to be. As soon as he arrived, it felt like he had always been here with us. Such a miracle. 

Finn Shepherd has changed our lives in the most wonderful way. Watching him grow, change and learn each day is such a joy. Whenever he smiles it's like nothing else in the world matters because I know he is happy. I am proud of how Tom and I have adjusted to our new addition and we've focused on giving each other what we need to refresh and keep going. For me, that looks like taking my sacred hour or so in the evening for a long hot bubble bath, usually with a podcast/audiobook/music or just silence. I also became pretty obsessed with skincare whilst I was pregnant so I like to take my time to do that nightly ritual. My walks with Finn double up as self-care for me because I love being outdoors and looking at the sea, plus it's good for my healing to get myself moving. The pram usually sends Finn to sleep so then I get some quiet time once we get back home too. I'm slowly learning to use the nap times to pick up things like crafts or reading and other times I can quickly do jobs in the house like prep a slow cooker meal, do laundry or other small things. Some days none of that is possible if Finn wants to use me as a human sofa and that's just fine by me!

I've learnt how much Tom and I both love routine and rituals and we've both naturally fallen into our own roles that help keep everything going. I think for us that's helped maintain a calm and peaceful home, but we know that Finn is the priority and the other things can wait. I've focussed on making our home as cosy as possible so we can all relax and enjoy a positive environment. I recently read "My Hygge Home" by Meik Wiking [find it here] and that gave me some great ideas about how to foster connection in the home. I have read all his books and found the concept of 'hygge' pretty transformational after I read his first book a few years ago [find it here]. I'm sure I've written about it before! 

I have felt quite protective over our newborn bubble and although we have gone on trips the three of us or I've taken Finn out by myself, I am not putting any pressure on us to do that too often at this stage. We enjoy being home and having the comfort of the routine we are building and that just feels too precious to me to disrupt it too much. I've decided to wait until the new year before trying different groups and activities with Finn so we can all just soak up the comfort of home for as long as possible. I know it will be good for both of us to socialise and have new experiences but at the moment we are happy as we are! 

Most of the time, I can't believe it's all happening and I'm actually a Mum. I cherish the moments when Finn and I just stare at each other, trying to take each other in and figure each other out. The love I feel for him is wild. Watching him and Tom bond is like nothing else. I can't wait to watch Finn grow and discover and to see the world through his eyes. We have so many memories to make!

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On baking along with GBBO

Baking has been one of my favourite hobbies for as long as I can remember. As soon as I knew how to make a basic sponge cake or fairy cake/buns that was me hooked! Whilst I was at University the first time, it was my favourite stress reliever which I think my housemates were also thankful for! It was also a bit of a saviour during lockdown last year and it gave me chance to try out recipes that I'd always wanted to attempt. 
This year I decided to bake along with the Great British Bake Off which has been a really fun challenge! As there's only one week left, I thought I'd share the selection of recipes I've tried out in case you'd like to have a go. Most of them have been fairly basic as life has gotten a lot busier so I didn't have the same amount of time each week to squeeze a bake in! 
Cake Week 
This was the only week I cheated because we had just come back from our holiday and I'd been looking everywhere for this Guinea Pig cake and finally found it! We have two very pampered Guinea Pigs so these days I go mad for anything that has piggies on it! I'll make up for cake week for the Final!

Biscuit Week 
At the time of biscuit week, we were exploring becoming Gluten Free as we thought one of us seemed to be having a reaction to it so this was my first ever GF bake. They were really tasty and I'd make them again! The recipe didn't call for dipping them in chocolate but my heart did so I melted some dark chocolate and dunked them all. They had a really nice buttery texture just as normal shortbread would! 
Here is the recipe from My Gluten Free Guide: https://www.mygfguide.com/gluten-free-shortbread-biscuits/ 

Bread Week I started experimenting with bread during lockdown and came across a few simple recipes that have become a bit of a staple for us! I love cooking as well and we have home cooked meals just about every night and the following recipe usually accompanies homemade curry. It's very easy and only takes about 15 minutes to make. The dough can be pretty sticky so it's a little messy but they're so tasty! 

Pinch of Nom Naan Breads - this recipe isn't available online but is in their cookbook - https://pinchofnom.com/recipes/simple-naan-bread/ 

I'd really recommend this book, it's got lots of tasty low fat recipes in - many of which have become staples in our kitchen. As an idea - these breads only require a few ingredients including Greek Yogurt and Self-Raising Flour. They get a lovely rise and sometimes create a bit of a pocket, almost like a pita bread. I'm not sure how I've managed to do that though!! 

Dessert Week 
This was my favourite week I think! I spent a while trying to think of 

what I could just do a small amount of and came across a recipe for individual cheesecakes. I set them in whatever jars I have - we seem to have a few of these glass ramekins sitting around (not because we sometimes buy the GU pots or anything 😉) so they were perfect for this. I landed on vanilla and white chocolate and very loosely based it on this recipe from Jane's Patisserie - https://www.janespatisserie.com/2021/03/06/mini-easter-cheesecakes/  

I say loosely because you can't really go wrong with a cheesecake recipe that doesn't require any baking I don't think! I used hobnobs as the biscuit base (YUM) and used melted Milkybar Chocolate and vanilla bean paste which is just an absolute game changer in my opinion! I use the Dr Oetker one (this is what it looks like). I crushed up a few Milkybar buttons and popped them on top! They were delicious. 

German Week

This was an interesting theme and one that was slightly tricky. I absolutely LOVE Black Forest flavours, chocolate and cherry is my ultimate combination and I love apple strudel too with a bit of cream or custard but unfortunately, I'm the only one in the house who does, so they were out the window!

Instead, I found a recipe for Lebkuchen! I've made gingerbread cookies before but these ones are made with honey and are a lot more cake-y than crunchy like our gingerbread might be. The recipe made so many so I'd recommend doing half measures if you wanted a smaller batch. I also made some little stars that we dipped in chocolate and sprinkled with edible glitter!  I used this recipe: https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/user/831133/recipe/german-gingerbread-lebkuchen 

I realised just before making these that I didn't have the right cutter and checked out my local charity shop who just so happened to have 2 new Gingerbread cutters and a bunch of others so it's always worth checking, you never know what you might find! 

Pastry Week

I remember seeing a bit of a trend of these pastry trees a few years ago and had always wanted to try one! These are SO easy to make and make a great 'tear and share' dessert. This recipe includes Biscoff spread which seems to be as popular as ever and you can melt a little extra to use as a dip for your pastry branches. This only took about 15-20 mins to do and came out of the oven literally 1 minute before the episode started! It's not my neatest make but I was in a bit of a rush to get it finished so we didn't miss the start of the show. 
I used this recipe:  https://www.amytreasure.com/biscoff-christmas-tree/ 
I think it's a perfect Christmas Treat, served straight from the oven whilst it's still warm and gooey! You can so easily experiment with the flavours too. It's a very cheap and easy showstopper! 

Caramel Week 

I remember the first time I made these duringlockdown and wasn't expecting them to be as well received as they were! I'm still on the journey to perfecting the caramel but each time I think I'm getting a little closer to knowing when to take it off the heat and spread it on the base. As soon as we knew it was caramel week, this was the perfect excuse to make them again! This recipe makes quite a big piece of Shortbread so this one got share around 😀

I used this recipe:

 https://www.janespatisserie.com/2020/04/22/millionaires-shortbread-2/

I would really recommend Jane's Patisserie recipes - I have already used so many of them including her NYC Cookies which have been my favourite experiment so far! She has released her own cookbook too - a great one for your Christmas list! 






Free From Week 

It took me quite a while to land on a recipe for this one as it's not something I'd usually need to do. The idea was Gluten Free / Dairy Free / Vegan and I landed on a fairly basic recipe that produced some tasty treats. Although the recipe I used wasn't vegan, I did use a dairy alternative butter to make them and dark chocolate. You can easily make substitues in this recipe because it is no bake!

Here's the recipe I used for these Peanut Butter Truffles: 

https://www.sweetestmenu.com/easy-peanut-butter-balls/ 

Patisserie Week 

The week leading up to this episode was a busy one for me so I knew I didn't have time to come up with anything too fancy. I decided instead to give Madeleins a go! 

They actually were pretty tasty even though they weren't as light and fluffy as they're supposed to be! You use fresh lemon in this which gives them such a nice zesty flavour and they should definitely be served fresh from the oven. I'd like to give them another go to see if I can get them to have more air so they rise better but I was pleased with them as a first attempt. They're perfect with a cup of Earl Grey Tea!

I've never really trusted silicone bakeware because I worry about getting things out of the mould but I didn't want to make too much of an investment in the cake pan in case it wasn't used many times. I just bought a very basic silicone mould with 9 slots for this recipe and it cost less than £5. 

I used this recipe for the Madeleins:

 https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/madeleine_15211

The video was very helpful! 

Final 

I am well aware that the final hasn't happened yet but as that week is a bit of a free-for-all, we decided very quickly what we would be enjoying whilst watching it! I first made this Guinness Cake on a whim the night of St Patrick's Day and didn't expect T to love it as much as he did. I remember trying this at University many years ago and it was one of the most memorable desserts I've ever had! I can't believe it took me so long to try it for myself. The cake is so dense and not too sweet but is balanced perfectly with the sweet cream cheese frosting. I also love a pint of the black stuff so it's a total dream cake for me on every level. 

T absolutely loves this cake too and requested it for his birthday! He requests it quite often actually 😂 After I missed cake week, I agreed I'd make this for us to enjoy whilst watching the finale! I'll be making this on Monday evening and am under strict instructions that we are NOT to share ANY of this cake!!!! 
I use this recipe which is taken from one of my all time favourite bakeries: https://hummingbirdbakery.com/blogs/hummingbird-bakery-blog/st-patrick-s-day-2018  
I used to make their vanilla cupcakes all the time as my go to cupcake recipe - the batter is really runny but they are so fluffy and vanilla-y if that's a word! 



And that's a wrap! It has been the most fun to bake along with the show and test out new recipes. I'll miss having our little Tuesday nights sat watching GBBO with something yummy but it's been a lovely season. I hope you've enjoyed it too and that you can test out some of the recipes I've tried! Let me know if you do, I'd love to hear! 

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On changing seasons.

Here we are again - as usual, time has flown and has brought us back to Autumn. Although it is my favourite time of year, it's hard to believe that we're sitting here again after another pandemic filled year. Until we had our holiday this year, I hadn't really appreciated how much change we have all faced and how much we have to process. I know I took that as a sign that I need to prioritise rest and allow myself time to deal with everything that has happened in the last (almost) 2 years.

I always do my best 'processing' by the sea.

For me, the transition to autumn brings permission to hibernate - to get cosy and enjoy being home. It's also a time to cook, bake and enjoy my favourite seasonal things; soups, stews, bread, pumpkin pie, parkin and hot chocolates. It's a reason to light all the candles, snuggle up in blankets, jumpers and wooly socks. To go on long walks in the crisp fresh air and take in all the autumn colours. I've also been sea-swimming regularly and in the colder months it is even more refreshing and awakening and I love getting wrapped up with a flask of something hot afterwards. This year I plan on swimming right through winter - wish me luck! 

Mount Stewart - my favourite place to walk in Autumn

I decided to mark the transition in our home this time and I love the decor I've managed to find, though the challenge is to stop adding to it! I made a very simple leaf garland and some Pumpkins from old jumpers that I got from our local Charity shop. They were a fun and easy make and are decorations I can use again! I plan on doing some foraging for pine cones and acorns to bring a bit more nature indoors. I have perhaps mentioned this before but a number of years ago I read The Little Book of Hygge by Meik Wiking and it really changed my perspective on the autumn/winter months. I appreciate them so much more now! 

The shift in seasons for me is happening both literally and metaphorically. After a lot of hard work and the most stress I've ever experienced - I have recently changed from student to post-grad again. Although our graduation ceremony won't take place until spring 2022, I have officially passed my MA degree and my certificate and transcript is making its' way to me. I learnt so much through this degree, and so many life-changing things happened whilst I was trying to complete it. Job changes, house moves, country moves and new relationships to name a few. I enjoyed my final research piece and for once am proud of myself for achieving that milestone whilst the world was so influx. For those interested, my MA was in Theology, and studying it at this level totally changed my perspective on faith and religion, and although I won't go in to that here - I feel a greater sense of freedom on the other side of it than I did going into it - I had many, many questions and it was good to come across so many different perspectives. What I will say is that Church and I have a complicated relationship and I am taking a very deliberate break from it whilst I continue to explore my own spirituality and beliefs. I am happy to be in that place with it - for something like theology - there are of course no hard and fast answers, so I will see how it evolves for me. 

The next change on the very near horizon is my job. After just over 2.5 years, I am getting ready to move on from my first job in Northern Ireland. Whilst I do feel nervous about the transition, I know it will be a positive change for me. My head knows it is ready for a new challenge and to physically get back out into the world after working from home since March 2020. I hope to meet new people, try new things and find different opportunities. I have trusted my gut instinct for many of the big moves in my life and this one felt so right or "serendipitious" as a few people have called it. Everything fell into place to make my new role happen and I feel deeply grateful for it. 

It has been a difficult year for our family as we have navigated the loss of my Grandad and other challenges that are coming our way. Especially lately, I have been navigating feelings of guilt for not physically being there to support whilst also knowing that if I hadn't made the move, I wouldn't be in a position where I am truly living the life I'd always dreamed of. I am sure that some of us are just born with a "wanderlust" spirit and we feel compelled to carve out our own path in new places, but it always carries such sacrifice. Tom and I will soon be reaching our 2 year anniversary - he has been the best support I could ever have imagined. He has truly been a rock whilst I greived, met deadlines, agonised over big decisions and all that's in between. 

I'll conclude with this image, taken on our recent holiday to Donegal. A rainbow on Portnoo beach; a sign of hope. A reminder of the beauty we can find even when we're in the middle of a storm.

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On creating calm.

As we hit the anniversary of lockdown, a place many of us never imagined we would be, I have been thinking a lot about how to maintain spaces of calm to counteract the external stressors that we are still facing. For all the reading and research I've done into this topic, it almost always seems to come back to one thing: balance. The other thing it needs to be coupled with: kindness. Some days we will get it right, other days we won't and that's OK - we will never be able to completely eliminate stress, and there will always be unforseen circumstances, but we can find ways to make it more manageable. I am certainly no expert in any of this, but I wanted to share some of the practices I have been focussing on lately, and ones that I've used for many years, in order to welcome calm into my life. 

Rituals 

Bedtime

I just finished reading a nice little book I got for 

Christmas called "Seeking Slow" by Melanie Barnes. It's an easy 'nightstand' read and gave some great little tips and reminders. I had already been working on reintroducing a good nighttime routine to ensure a good nights sleep, which this book called a 'ritual.' When it's getting to about 9pm, I've started to unwind and begin my quiet time. The Yogi Tea - Classic brew has long been one of my favourite drinks so I enjoy sitting and sipping on that in an evening. I've also started using a new 'pillow mist' and eye mask for comfort and always spend some time quietly in bed where I moisturise my face and settle in for the night. I have been limiting my screen time by leaving my phone in another room (if I keep missing your calls, that's why!) so that I don't spend every evening scrolling on social media. 

Coffee

I was recently surprised with a beautiful new coffee machine and using that has become my new favourite morning ritual. I am a huge coffee lover but normally have just the one coffee a day now so I love being able to spend the time crafting a lovely drink to kick start my day. I bought a coffee grinder to go with it, so the process involves griding fresh beans, prepping the Espresso machine, brewing the coffee and steaming the milk. It's easy to make this a slow, mindful process to take in all the aromas of a freshly brewed cup of joe to start your day peacefully. I'm sure this would work for other hot drinks if you aren't a coffee lover - but the main point is to find an activity that you can bring an element of 'slowness' to.

 

Cooking & Baking

One of the plus sides of being home a LOT more has been the chance to experiment a bit more in the kitchen. I cook most of our meals from scratch and love the process of creating something that takes time to enjoy. I might not always have the time to put into creating meals that need a lot of prep so I'm trying to make the most of that chance whilst it's here. Some meals have multiple components - I found an easy 'naan bread' recipe which accompanys our curry, a really tasty flatbread recipe which serves as pizza base or cheesy garlic bread for with pasta and I think I've perfected the roast potato! 

Baking has long since been one of my favourite hobbies and it's great to have some willing taste testers around! I've tried lots of new recipes over this past year including; Mars Bar Brownies, NYC Choc Chip Cookies, Millionaires Shortbread, Chocolate Guinness Cake, Biscoff Fudge and Cinnamon Swirls. Most of those recipes are taken from Jane's Patisserie who just annouced a new recipe book which will absolutely be going in my online basket! Whilst I've been busy getting creative in the kitchen, I've found that we've spent more time together as a couple whilst Tom gets more involved in parts of it (though he might not admit that!) so I enjoy it for that, too - a sense of joint accomplishment and to be able to teach him some baking skills!

One thing I've also spent time on is looking for products that are seasonal and grown or created locally in order to support small businesses and artisans in Northern Ireland. This country is bursting with excellent produce and talented makers and I love the process of going to local markets and connecting with businesses, usually on Instagram. Most of my favourite finds come from The Farm Shop at Kylestone, of course!

Yoga Nidra & Meditation 

I first started attending Yoga Nidra sessions a few years ago in Halifax, through the wonderful Natalie at Northern Alchemy Therapies and recently began searching for online sessions again as I have really missed it. Yoga Nidra has been such a calm and relaxing experience for me and the in person sessions I went to were so cosy and peaceful. I learnt a lot from Natalie and joined an online session she did recently which was so special! I have been using online sessions from YouTube to try and find the right type and I've also added this into part of my bedtime ritual as referenced above - these meditations are great to fall asleep to as you quiet your mind and increase awareness of your body. I've also been exploring Guided Meditations through YouTube - I was recommended Tara Brach who does some great sessions. Just 15 minutes a day of this quietness can make such a huge difference. I'm no expert, but I am certainly finding it useful!

Walking & being outdoors 

This will come as no surprise to anyone who knows me or follows me on social media but for me, there is nothing quite like time spent in the outdoors! I am very lucky to live within a stones throw of some absolutely stunning walks and coastal paths and I adore exploring those areas. A sprinkle of sunshine always makes a difference! I always feel better after a walk, as if I can take on the world again. I personally never wear headphones because I enjoy taking it all in - the sounds of the sea, the wind, the birds, the people chatter. That's all part of the experience for me but it isn't for everyone. I have realised recently that I need to make time every day for this, even if it's just a short walk because I can notice that I feel different on the days I haven't been outside at all. I am so excited for the longer evenings that are coming and am really enjoying noticing the changes of the seasons with more colour bursting through. As we still can't sit indoors in cafes or restaurants, I am appreciating that the warmer days make it possible to enjoy a coffee outdoors on a bench without fear of freezing to death! 

Wild Swimming is very popular here and I did that a number of times my first year here but would love to get back into that - I did have a paddle after a lovely sunny walk last weekend but that's as brave as I was feeling! 

Calm spaces in the home 

This is the first time I've had full reign of a whole home and I have loved being able to make it a comfortable space for us both. I have always loved cosy lighting and have candles going every night along with fairy lights, night lights and lamps. I think lighting really sets the tone for the space. During the day, I usually diffuse some essential oils and though I am no expert in this either - I do think it makes a difference to feel the of the place. 

I love Tisserand and have been using these two scents a lot recently - Mind Clear and Total De-Stress. They smell so refreshing and uplifting! I have also used Bergamot, Lemon, Orange and Lavender and have mixed a few of them together. I'm not quite sold on Essential Oils being a magic cure for things, but I do think they make a difference to the living room!

The bath is absolutely my sanctuary and I have always spent a long time soaking in the bubbles. Bath products are one of my only 'splurges' because I know I will enjoy every minute spent in there. The Body Shop Berry Blend smells like actual heaven and it is by far my favourite bubble bath! I sometimes use Simple products as they have no chemicals and are better for sensitive skin and if I'm really in the mood for a pamper, I'll use a facemask and a hair mask. The Body Shop Shea Butter hair mask is my favourite - it makes my hair so soft and it smells divine. My bath tray usually features a book and a glass of wine and during the winter I regularly had candle lit baths for some extra relaxation! As I'm the only one uses the bath, it really is my little space and I love retreating there to unwind. 

The 'Seeking Slow' book I referred to earlier suggests creating such a space that is just for you and I love this idea. Even if you can sneak away there for 10 minutes, it can be your haven and it doesn't take a lot to create that. I keep some plants in the bathroom which brings a bit of nature indoors and I think that makes a difference! 

When I first moved over to NI, I decided I wanted to look after some House Plants. I like having things to take care of, so my friend and I found a local garden centre and I spent way too much money on succulents. However, they have become one of my favourite parts of my space. My 'Monstera Deliciosa' or Swiss Cheese Plant is one of my favourites, it has outgrown it's pot once and just keeps growing. It is currently sprouting two new leaves and will soon outgrow its' home again. I love having natural and seasonal things inside the house and the plants all need different environments to thrive in. My Peace Lily has been somewhat of a headache but I am determined to keep it alive! I was given a Geranium which has grown like crazy and Tom took cuttings of it to grow at the Nursery which I find oddly satisfying. I am running out of space to keep house plants, especially those that need a lot of sunlight, so I may have to go back to succulents - although many of those have outgrown their pots too! 

Recommended Reads

I listened to a Brene Brown Podcast recently - linked here (I think I've mentioned her before, but I am a HUGE fan of her work & have read all her books!) and consequently purchased 'Burnout' by Emily & Amelia Nagoski. I am only partway through, but have already picked up some really helpful tips on ways to have a daily check-in and relieve stress from your body. I can't wait to see what else I learn from it! 

A few years ago I read 'The Art of Hygge' by Meik Weiking and that's really what started me on this journey of cosiness and slower living. The book explores the Danish concept of 'Hygge' and for a while it was a bit of a buzz word, or something that people profited off, but for me it has become a way of living. I adored Meik's follow up book - "The Art of Making Memories," and would highly recommend that. I think it has just this week been republished in paperback! 

And of course, the book that sparked this post - Seeking Slow! 

I'd love to know of any ways that you are embracing this quieter life we now find ourselves in. Of course there are things we desperately miss right now but I'm trying to keep finding the positives where I can. 

Love, 

S x 

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On welcoming a new year.

I think most of us are wondering where 2020 disappeared to after how long it felt whilst we were enduring it. Of course, the New Year doesn't bring the same sense of fresh hope that it might do normally. We begin 2021 in a similar strict lockdown to what we experienced in March and that brings that same sense of anxiety, fear and confusion that we've felt throughout this pandemic. I have always loved New Years, a chance to reflect back on what has been and hope for what might be and whilst I haven't made a list of resolutions this time - I've tried to pause and think of the things that helped me during the first part of last year. 

Since I no longer had such a long commute, I did enjoy the extra evening time to spend experimenting with cooking. I think it was reading Bread & Wine by Shauna Niequist that made me see cookery as a form of poetry. When I am in the right headspace, I find cooking to be the most relaxing hobby. (Maybe because it can be so organised and you follow a list, two things my brain loves!) I loved experimenting with new recipes and finding things to try and mix it up a bit. I recognise I am only cooking for an audience of two, myself included, so that affords me a bit of luxury to see it as a fun activity rather than a chore. I took a couple of extra days off after the holidays, which I am very glad I did, as I spent some time going through cookbooks, meal planning, creating shopping lists and then today went and bought all the ingredients we would need. It feels good to start off the year with that level of preparedness, and I did manage that for some (not all!) of last year. For the next few months we will be cutting down on carbs and snacks as we were a little too kind to ourselves in that department last year. As I write this, I can smell leek and potato soup bubbling away for dinner tonight!

I have been using the Pinch of Nom cookbooks which have given me some great tips on reducing fat in recipes but not losing the flavour - some of the new meals I'll attempt in the coming weeks will be from their newest edition - Quick & Easy. I also did a lot of baking and will try to cut down on that until I find some healthier treats! I had fun experimenting with bread which I would like to continue and now only make pancakes with Soda Bread flour because they are so fluffy and good! For my baking experiments I used Jane's Patisserie and soon learnt that it is much better to use higher quality ingredients such as Belgian chocolate as everything tastes a bit richer and yummier! 

Walking was my other saving grace. Quite often I would use that time to call home or to leave voice notes for friends whilst I processed whatever was going on in my mind. Just getting outside and saying hello to people walking their dogs was usually enough to help brighten my days. Of course, I am very lucky to live so close to the sea and I regularly walked the same circuit. It's a great way to practice mindfulness and take in all the nature around you. I visit our local National Trust whenever I can get a ticket and never get tired of walking around there. My favourite time to go out is a little bit before sunset when it is quite chilly but I can watch the sun go down. 
I joined a 'talking group' at work which has been such a great space for us to be completely honest with each other, let a few tears go and encourage each other. I have been really grateful for that bit of time to just offload whatever has built up. It is so hard not to be able to do these things face to face and of course screen time is set to stay but it is much better to have it that way than not at all! In that space, I am regularly reminded to be kind to myself, to remember that I am brave, I am loved and it is OK to find this all hard. 

We did a lot of rearranging in the apartment to make it more comfortable for both of us. There was a large dining table in the living room space which had become quite a dumping ground for things I didn't really want to put away anywhere! We brought over Tom's desk and all his gaming gear but this space will double up as a working from home area for me too. I bought some new shelving which is slowly getting filled up and we re-arranged the main bedroom. Having these little tasks to do has been a nice distraction - I am very bad at sitting still, admittedly, but I love having this space to potter around in and do little jobs! I have put a list together of things that would be nice to have in the house so we can tick something off each month. This month, the treat is a new Casserole Pot which means I am definitely 30. 

My main plan for the next few weeks is of course to stay at home and to maintain our health as best we can. That being both physical and mental. Small things that have helped me along the way will stay in my routine - as well as a clean and comfortable home, long bubble baths, taking care of our many, many houseplants, consuming as much tea as is necessary and lots of calls home. Some weeks, I won't be on top of my game and I am learning to be OK with that. What things have helped you during this time? I'd love to know!


Love, S x

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On settling somewhere new.

Now feels like as good a time as ever to return to the blog. After what has been a somewhat tumultuous year, I am returning to my old favourite ways to rediscover my peace and writing has always been one of those. 

It is very hard to believe that it has been 1 year, 8 months, 2 weeks and 4 days (to be exact) since I moved to Northern Ireland. I had no idea what was awaiting me as I sat in my trusty old Nissan Note waiting for the ferry to pull into the dock. For a very brief moment, I looked behind me at my suitcases and then ahead of me to the sea and realised there was no going back. Thus far, I don't regret it for one second!

The first few months were hard as I readjusted as everything was new and unfamiliar. I had a long commute, a new job, new colleagues, a couple of friends scattered about the country, a new house and  housemates and a new culture to get used to. I had many a headache and felt quite exhausted! But things quickly began to feel like home as I got used to my new rhythm. My new colleagues and housemates were unfailingly kind and welcoming and I didn't feel under any external pressure to get it all right straight away, which helped immensly! 

As I look back now on what really drew me to another big move on my own - it was that I had spent many years as a sojourner - popping in and out of people's lives, being on trains and planes, sleeping in hotel rooms and saying yes to many great travel adventures, but what I was craving was stability and rootedness. I had decided this was a good time to focus on dating, in the hope that I might meet someone who I could spend my days with. I did this through online dating, which I had quietly done on and off over the years but nothing had ever really come of it. In November 2019, around 8 months after moving, I decided to give it one last shot (as online dating can be very emotionally draining) and arranged to meet a guy for a walk in my favourite local spot. 

I could tell as we were walking around Mount Stewart that something was different about this guy. I remember feeling so comfortable and safe and although I did most of the talking, that didn't seem to put him off. As the sun started to set, Tom insisted on walking me back to my car and date two was quickly arranged. Before Tom, my best date record was three dates so once we went past that, it was unchartered territory for me! I loved those early days of getting to know him and getting more relaxed around each other. I kept it fairly quiet as I was enjoying the bubble we were in but we finally had our first picture together and told everyone after 5 months of dating! 

In January 2020, I was busy preparing for the 'dream' trip I'd booked a year in advance which involved flying to Jamaica to spend a week on the beach listening to my beloved favourite Band of Brothers - Hanson. Looking back now, I was extremely lucky that this trip went ahead without a hitch as the Coronavirus pandemic was only just beginning. It was a week of pure bliss, music I love and a serious amount of laughter. This trip felt a little different as I travelled alone (as I am accustomed) but distinctly remember sitting in Philadephia airport about to board my flight to Jamaica feeling a little queezy about being so far from home. The journey back was long and storm-filled so I was very, very grateful to have my feet back on solid ground! 

 

Following the holiday, I started to look for my own apartment as I felt ready to have my own space and had more of an idea of where I'd like to settle on a more longterm basis. I came across a sweet little place (with a guest room!) and put an application in. It felt like a long wait at the time but in the end it did all happen relatively quickly. As the pandemic started to take effect, we sped up the process of me collecting the keys. I will never forget that Monday - I packed up my car and did 3 drives back and forth to get all my belongings and dragged them up the stairs single handedly. That night, Tom & I toasted to the new beginning and we turned on the news to see the PM declare the start of the first three week lockdown. There I was, about to live on my own for the first time in a new place where I didn't know anyone and had just started working from home so I'd lost the majority of the social time I had. In the end, I wasn't alone for long as I gained a new roommate in Tom, who absolutely saved the day for me. 

Many cancelled plans, unknowns, new lockdowns and changes followed so I began to look forward to the festive season as much as I could. I knew I was going to spend it in Northern Ireland and couldn't wait to decorate the apartment, which I did sometime in November. I loved getting cosied up and practising the art of 'hygge' which I'm sure I've written about before! It was a special time for Tom & I - our first full Christmas together - and it was just perfect. We also celebrated my milestone birthday this week which I have only been dreading since I turned 29. But as I pause to write this, I realised that despite feeling a bit nervous about starting a new decade, I have never been so grateful for everything I have in my whole life. Gratitude is a daily practice of mine. I took a risk when I decided to start this chapter and I could never have dreamt the way it has all worked out, especially with the world as it is right now. 

I have heard many people describe 2020 as the year they want to forget but for me, it will always be one that I will treasure. I fell in love with my new best friend who has been the biggest support for me in every way he possibly could be. I have been welcomed into his wonderful family. We were able to celebrate birthdays, our first holiday together, our first anniversary and our first holiday season. Of course, I have missed my friends and family dearly and that has been harder than I can describe - which has added to this being a year of emotional highs and lows. We do what we can now to be safe so that we can spend time together again when it is right to do so. We live in the hope that one day we can be reunited - and how special will that be! As the new year begins, I won't be doing my usual 'resolutions' or expecting too much from myself but will continue to take each day as it comes; finding the joy in the small things, being grateful for what I have, sharing what I can and enjoying the beauty of the place I now very much call home.

Love, S x

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The road to Northern Ireland.

Although I will post this after I've set sail, I currently write as a I take a break from once again packing as much as possible into various suitcases to begin the next stage. It feels exciting and daunting and a little surreal. Ever the dreamer, I have played this moment over and over in my head. Each time I visited Northern Ireland, I felt myself yearning to stay there more and more. I fell in love with the people and the natural beauty, the slower pace, the storytelling and the hospitality.

After things in my job became increasingly stressful, I knew I was faced with an opportunity. This could be it. Although my job gave me some incredible experiences doing work I loved, along with extensive travel - it meant sacrificing a regular routine and in many ways the kind of roots and connections that I craved. Of course, we can't have it all ways, and that was a good and right season in my life which taught me invaluable lessons and allowed me to grow in countless ways. But as the new year came, I knew my time there was up. I said goodbye at the very end of February and went on holiday to, you've guessed it - Northern Ireland. 

It was a perfect couple of weeks filled with rest, time to myself, walks on the beach (in the rain and hail!), trips to new places and most importantly - time spent making new friendships. It confirmed everything for me - this was going to be my new 'place.' After I booked my trip, I received an email inviting me to an interview in Belfast, which I attended the first week of the trip. I was informed that I wouldn't know the outcome for a while for various reasons and what followed was a very nervous 14 day wait. I convinced myself it was not to be (I'd had an interview elsewhere and didn't get it, along with not getting shortlisted a number of times), and was preparing to enter plan B when the phone call came to say I'd been offered the job.

So that was it! The plans were set in motion, dates decided, contracts exchanged, ferry booked, it was happening. I have been advised by many that the first few weeks will require plenty of grace for myself. Of course, it isn't just a new job but a new country, new culture, new place to live, new friends, new orientation and new routine. I haven't worked in an office for over 2.5 years and was in a very small team before and this office will be ten times larger in number! I've also never worked in a city before and haven't had to 'commute' for a long time. I'm sure it will take a while to balance into a new rhythm and that will require a lot of 'going with the flow,' which can sometimes disagree with my personality. Most of all, I want to have fun, to enjoy and embrace it all - all the unknowns, differences and newness. I'm ready for long walks on the beach, finding new coffee shops and favourite spots. Building friendships and becoming familiar with it all. 

Of course, I wouldn't be in this spot without the support, love, encouragement and generosity of my dear friends and family. Stepping back out after some time in Yorkshire never gets easier but I'm so grateful that so many people are rooting for me. I never take that for granted. This all follows a difficult year in which I really had to learn to be kind to myself, and it was a lot of hard work, risk and an ounce or two of courage to get here. I am thankful for all that I have learnt so far on my Master's course and the inspiring leaders I have already met through that. I think that's really what helped me put this plan into motion. They say it takes a village - and I believe it, I couldn't be without mine! 

Love, 

S x

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