On creating calm.

As we hit the anniversary of lockdown, a place many of us never imagined we would be, I have been thinking a lot about how to maintain spaces of calm to counteract the external stressors that we are still facing. For all the reading and research I've done into this topic, it almost always seems to come back to one thing: balance. The other thing it needs to be coupled with: kindness. Some days we will get it right, other days we won't and that's OK - we will never be able to completely eliminate stress, and there will always be unforseen circumstances, but we can find ways to make it more manageable. I am certainly no expert in any of this, but I wanted to share some of the practices I have been focussing on lately, and ones that I've used for many years, in order to welcome calm into my life. 

Rituals 

Bedtime

I just finished reading a nice little book I got for 

Christmas called "Seeking Slow" by Melanie Barnes. It's an easy 'nightstand' read and gave some great little tips and reminders. I had already been working on reintroducing a good nighttime routine to ensure a good nights sleep, which this book called a 'ritual.' When it's getting to about 9pm, I've started to unwind and begin my quiet time. The Yogi Tea - Classic brew has long been one of my favourite drinks so I enjoy sitting and sipping on that in an evening. I've also started using a new 'pillow mist' and eye mask for comfort and always spend some time quietly in bed where I moisturise my face and settle in for the night. I have been limiting my screen time by leaving my phone in another room (if I keep missing your calls, that's why!) so that I don't spend every evening scrolling on social media. 

Coffee

I was recently surprised with a beautiful new coffee machine and using that has become my new favourite morning ritual. I am a huge coffee lover but normally have just the one coffee a day now so I love being able to spend the time crafting a lovely drink to kick start my day. I bought a coffee grinder to go with it, so the process involves griding fresh beans, prepping the Espresso machine, brewing the coffee and steaming the milk. It's easy to make this a slow, mindful process to take in all the aromas of a freshly brewed cup of joe to start your day peacefully. I'm sure this would work for other hot drinks if you aren't a coffee lover - but the main point is to find an activity that you can bring an element of 'slowness' to.

 

Cooking & Baking

One of the plus sides of being home a LOT more has been the chance to experiment a bit more in the kitchen. I cook most of our meals from scratch and love the process of creating something that takes time to enjoy. I might not always have the time to put into creating meals that need a lot of prep so I'm trying to make the most of that chance whilst it's here. Some meals have multiple components - I found an easy 'naan bread' recipe which accompanys our curry, a really tasty flatbread recipe which serves as pizza base or cheesy garlic bread for with pasta and I think I've perfected the roast potato! 

Baking has long since been one of my favourite hobbies and it's great to have some willing taste testers around! I've tried lots of new recipes over this past year including; Mars Bar Brownies, NYC Choc Chip Cookies, Millionaires Shortbread, Chocolate Guinness Cake, Biscoff Fudge and Cinnamon Swirls. Most of those recipes are taken from Jane's Patisserie who just annouced a new recipe book which will absolutely be going in my online basket! Whilst I've been busy getting creative in the kitchen, I've found that we've spent more time together as a couple whilst Tom gets more involved in parts of it (though he might not admit that!) so I enjoy it for that, too - a sense of joint accomplishment and to be able to teach him some baking skills!

One thing I've also spent time on is looking for products that are seasonal and grown or created locally in order to support small businesses and artisans in Northern Ireland. This country is bursting with excellent produce and talented makers and I love the process of going to local markets and connecting with businesses, usually on Instagram. Most of my favourite finds come from The Farm Shop at Kylestone, of course!

Yoga Nidra & Meditation 

I first started attending Yoga Nidra sessions a few years ago in Halifax, through the wonderful Natalie at Northern Alchemy Therapies and recently began searching for online sessions again as I have really missed it. Yoga Nidra has been such a calm and relaxing experience for me and the in person sessions I went to were so cosy and peaceful. I learnt a lot from Natalie and joined an online session she did recently which was so special! I have been using online sessions from YouTube to try and find the right type and I've also added this into part of my bedtime ritual as referenced above - these meditations are great to fall asleep to as you quiet your mind and increase awareness of your body. I've also been exploring Guided Meditations through YouTube - I was recommended Tara Brach who does some great sessions. Just 15 minutes a day of this quietness can make such a huge difference. I'm no expert, but I am certainly finding it useful!

Walking & being outdoors 

This will come as no surprise to anyone who knows me or follows me on social media but for me, there is nothing quite like time spent in the outdoors! I am very lucky to live within a stones throw of some absolutely stunning walks and coastal paths and I adore exploring those areas. A sprinkle of sunshine always makes a difference! I always feel better after a walk, as if I can take on the world again. I personally never wear headphones because I enjoy taking it all in - the sounds of the sea, the wind, the birds, the people chatter. That's all part of the experience for me but it isn't for everyone. I have realised recently that I need to make time every day for this, even if it's just a short walk because I can notice that I feel different on the days I haven't been outside at all. I am so excited for the longer evenings that are coming and am really enjoying noticing the changes of the seasons with more colour bursting through. As we still can't sit indoors in cafes or restaurants, I am appreciating that the warmer days make it possible to enjoy a coffee outdoors on a bench without fear of freezing to death! 

Wild Swimming is very popular here and I did that a number of times my first year here but would love to get back into that - I did have a paddle after a lovely sunny walk last weekend but that's as brave as I was feeling! 

Calm spaces in the home 

This is the first time I've had full reign of a whole home and I have loved being able to make it a comfortable space for us both. I have always loved cosy lighting and have candles going every night along with fairy lights, night lights and lamps. I think lighting really sets the tone for the space. During the day, I usually diffuse some essential oils and though I am no expert in this either - I do think it makes a difference to feel the of the place. 

I love Tisserand and have been using these two scents a lot recently - Mind Clear and Total De-Stress. They smell so refreshing and uplifting! I have also used Bergamot, Lemon, Orange and Lavender and have mixed a few of them together. I'm not quite sold on Essential Oils being a magic cure for things, but I do think they make a difference to the living room!

The bath is absolutely my sanctuary and I have always spent a long time soaking in the bubbles. Bath products are one of my only 'splurges' because I know I will enjoy every minute spent in there. The Body Shop Berry Blend smells like actual heaven and it is by far my favourite bubble bath! I sometimes use Simple products as they have no chemicals and are better for sensitive skin and if I'm really in the mood for a pamper, I'll use a facemask and a hair mask. The Body Shop Shea Butter hair mask is my favourite - it makes my hair so soft and it smells divine. My bath tray usually features a book and a glass of wine and during the winter I regularly had candle lit baths for some extra relaxation! As I'm the only one uses the bath, it really is my little space and I love retreating there to unwind. 

The 'Seeking Slow' book I referred to earlier suggests creating such a space that is just for you and I love this idea. Even if you can sneak away there for 10 minutes, it can be your haven and it doesn't take a lot to create that. I keep some plants in the bathroom which brings a bit of nature indoors and I think that makes a difference! 

When I first moved over to NI, I decided I wanted to look after some House Plants. I like having things to take care of, so my friend and I found a local garden centre and I spent way too much money on succulents. However, they have become one of my favourite parts of my space. My 'Monstera Deliciosa' or Swiss Cheese Plant is one of my favourites, it has outgrown it's pot once and just keeps growing. It is currently sprouting two new leaves and will soon outgrow its' home again. I love having natural and seasonal things inside the house and the plants all need different environments to thrive in. My Peace Lily has been somewhat of a headache but I am determined to keep it alive! I was given a Geranium which has grown like crazy and Tom took cuttings of it to grow at the Nursery which I find oddly satisfying. I am running out of space to keep house plants, especially those that need a lot of sunlight, so I may have to go back to succulents - although many of those have outgrown their pots too! 

Recommended Reads

I listened to a Brene Brown Podcast recently - linked here (I think I've mentioned her before, but I am a HUGE fan of her work & have read all her books!) and consequently purchased 'Burnout' by Emily & Amelia Nagoski. I am only partway through, but have already picked up some really helpful tips on ways to have a daily check-in and relieve stress from your body. I can't wait to see what else I learn from it! 

A few years ago I read 'The Art of Hygge' by Meik Weiking and that's really what started me on this journey of cosiness and slower living. The book explores the Danish concept of 'Hygge' and for a while it was a bit of a buzz word, or something that people profited off, but for me it has become a way of living. I adored Meik's follow up book - "The Art of Making Memories," and would highly recommend that. I think it has just this week been republished in paperback! 

And of course, the book that sparked this post - Seeking Slow! 

I'd love to know of any ways that you are embracing this quieter life we now find ourselves in. Of course there are things we desperately miss right now but I'm trying to keep finding the positives where I can. 

Love, 

S x 

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On welcoming a new year.

I think most of us are wondering where 2020 disappeared to after how long it felt whilst we were enduring it. Of course, the New Year doesn't bring the same sense of fresh hope that it might do normally. We begin 2021 in a similar strict lockdown to what we experienced in March and that brings that same sense of anxiety, fear and confusion that we've felt throughout this pandemic. I have always loved New Years, a chance to reflect back on what has been and hope for what might be and whilst I haven't made a list of resolutions this time - I've tried to pause and think of the things that helped me during the first part of last year. 

Since I no longer had such a long commute, I did enjoy the extra evening time to spend experimenting with cooking. I think it was reading Bread & Wine by Shauna Niequist that made me see cookery as a form of poetry. When I am in the right headspace, I find cooking to be the most relaxing hobby. (Maybe because it can be so organised and you follow a list, two things my brain loves!) I loved experimenting with new recipes and finding things to try and mix it up a bit. I recognise I am only cooking for an audience of two, myself included, so that affords me a bit of luxury to see it as a fun activity rather than a chore. I took a couple of extra days off after the holidays, which I am very glad I did, as I spent some time going through cookbooks, meal planning, creating shopping lists and then today went and bought all the ingredients we would need. It feels good to start off the year with that level of preparedness, and I did manage that for some (not all!) of last year. For the next few months we will be cutting down on carbs and snacks as we were a little too kind to ourselves in that department last year. As I write this, I can smell leek and potato soup bubbling away for dinner tonight!

I have been using the Pinch of Nom cookbooks which have given me some great tips on reducing fat in recipes but not losing the flavour - some of the new meals I'll attempt in the coming weeks will be from their newest edition - Quick & Easy. I also did a lot of baking and will try to cut down on that until I find some healthier treats! I had fun experimenting with bread which I would like to continue and now only make pancakes with Soda Bread flour because they are so fluffy and good! For my baking experiments I used Jane's Patisserie and soon learnt that it is much better to use higher quality ingredients such as Belgian chocolate as everything tastes a bit richer and yummier! 

Walking was my other saving grace. Quite often I would use that time to call home or to leave voice notes for friends whilst I processed whatever was going on in my mind. Just getting outside and saying hello to people walking their dogs was usually enough to help brighten my days. Of course, I am very lucky to live so close to the sea and I regularly walked the same circuit. It's a great way to practice mindfulness and take in all the nature around you. I visit our local National Trust whenever I can get a ticket and never get tired of walking around there. My favourite time to go out is a little bit before sunset when it is quite chilly but I can watch the sun go down. 
I joined a 'talking group' at work which has been such a great space for us to be completely honest with each other, let a few tears go and encourage each other. I have been really grateful for that bit of time to just offload whatever has built up. It is so hard not to be able to do these things face to face and of course screen time is set to stay but it is much better to have it that way than not at all! In that space, I am regularly reminded to be kind to myself, to remember that I am brave, I am loved and it is OK to find this all hard. 

We did a lot of rearranging in the apartment to make it more comfortable for both of us. There was a large dining table in the living room space which had become quite a dumping ground for things I didn't really want to put away anywhere! We brought over Tom's desk and all his gaming gear but this space will double up as a working from home area for me too. I bought some new shelving which is slowly getting filled up and we re-arranged the main bedroom. Having these little tasks to do has been a nice distraction - I am very bad at sitting still, admittedly, but I love having this space to potter around in and do little jobs! I have put a list together of things that would be nice to have in the house so we can tick something off each month. This month, the treat is a new Casserole Pot which means I am definitely 30. 

My main plan for the next few weeks is of course to stay at home and to maintain our health as best we can. That being both physical and mental. Small things that have helped me along the way will stay in my routine - as well as a clean and comfortable home, long bubble baths, taking care of our many, many houseplants, consuming as much tea as is necessary and lots of calls home. Some weeks, I won't be on top of my game and I am learning to be OK with that. What things have helped you during this time? I'd love to know!


Love, S x

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On settling somewhere new.

Now feels like as good a time as ever to return to the blog. After what has been a somewhat tumultuous year, I am returning to my old favourite ways to rediscover my peace and writing has always been one of those. 

It is very hard to believe that it has been 1 year, 8 months, 2 weeks and 4 days (to be exact) since I moved to Northern Ireland. I had no idea what was awaiting me as I sat in my trusty old Nissan Note waiting for the ferry to pull into the dock. For a very brief moment, I looked behind me at my suitcases and then ahead of me to the sea and realised there was no going back. Thus far, I don't regret it for one second!

The first few months were hard as I readjusted as everything was new and unfamiliar. I had a long commute, a new job, new colleagues, a couple of friends scattered about the country, a new house and  housemates and a new culture to get used to. I had many a headache and felt quite exhausted! But things quickly began to feel like home as I got used to my new rhythm. My new colleagues and housemates were unfailingly kind and welcoming and I didn't feel under any external pressure to get it all right straight away, which helped immensly! 

As I look back now on what really drew me to another big move on my own - it was that I had spent many years as a sojourner - popping in and out of people's lives, being on trains and planes, sleeping in hotel rooms and saying yes to many great travel adventures, but what I was craving was stability and rootedness. I had decided this was a good time to focus on dating, in the hope that I might meet someone who I could spend my days with. I did this through online dating, which I had quietly done on and off over the years but nothing had ever really come of it. In November 2019, around 8 months after moving, I decided to give it one last shot (as online dating can be very emotionally draining) and arranged to meet a guy for a walk in my favourite local spot. 

I could tell as we were walking around Mount Stewart that something was different about this guy. I remember feeling so comfortable and safe and although I did most of the talking, that didn't seem to put him off. As the sun started to set, Tom insisted on walking me back to my car and date two was quickly arranged. Before Tom, my best date record was three dates so once we went past that, it was unchartered territory for me! I loved those early days of getting to know him and getting more relaxed around each other. I kept it fairly quiet as I was enjoying the bubble we were in but we finally had our first picture together and told everyone after 5 months of dating! 

In January 2020, I was busy preparing for the 'dream' trip I'd booked a year in advance which involved flying to Jamaica to spend a week on the beach listening to my beloved favourite Band of Brothers - Hanson. Looking back now, I was extremely lucky that this trip went ahead without a hitch as the Coronavirus pandemic was only just beginning. It was a week of pure bliss, music I love and a serious amount of laughter. This trip felt a little different as I travelled alone (as I am accustomed) but distinctly remember sitting in Philadephia airport about to board my flight to Jamaica feeling a little queezy about being so far from home. The journey back was long and storm-filled so I was very, very grateful to have my feet back on solid ground! 

 

Following the holiday, I started to look for my own apartment as I felt ready to have my own space and had more of an idea of where I'd like to settle on a more longterm basis. I came across a sweet little place (with a guest room!) and put an application in. It felt like a long wait at the time but in the end it did all happen relatively quickly. As the pandemic started to take effect, we sped up the process of me collecting the keys. I will never forget that Monday - I packed up my car and did 3 drives back and forth to get all my belongings and dragged them up the stairs single handedly. That night, Tom & I toasted to the new beginning and we turned on the news to see the PM declare the start of the first three week lockdown. There I was, about to live on my own for the first time in a new place where I didn't know anyone and had just started working from home so I'd lost the majority of the social time I had. In the end, I wasn't alone for long as I gained a new roommate in Tom, who absolutely saved the day for me. 

Many cancelled plans, unknowns, new lockdowns and changes followed so I began to look forward to the festive season as much as I could. I knew I was going to spend it in Northern Ireland and couldn't wait to decorate the apartment, which I did sometime in November. I loved getting cosied up and practising the art of 'hygge' which I'm sure I've written about before! It was a special time for Tom & I - our first full Christmas together - and it was just perfect. We also celebrated my milestone birthday this week which I have only been dreading since I turned 29. But as I pause to write this, I realised that despite feeling a bit nervous about starting a new decade, I have never been so grateful for everything I have in my whole life. Gratitude is a daily practice of mine. I took a risk when I decided to start this chapter and I could never have dreamt the way it has all worked out, especially with the world as it is right now. 

I have heard many people describe 2020 as the year they want to forget but for me, it will always be one that I will treasure. I fell in love with my new best friend who has been the biggest support for me in every way he possibly could be. I have been welcomed into his wonderful family. We were able to celebrate birthdays, our first holiday together, our first anniversary and our first holiday season. Of course, I have missed my friends and family dearly and that has been harder than I can describe - which has added to this being a year of emotional highs and lows. We do what we can now to be safe so that we can spend time together again when it is right to do so. We live in the hope that one day we can be reunited - and how special will that be! As the new year begins, I won't be doing my usual 'resolutions' or expecting too much from myself but will continue to take each day as it comes; finding the joy in the small things, being grateful for what I have, sharing what I can and enjoying the beauty of the place I now very much call home.

Love, S x

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The road to Northern Ireland.

Although I will post this after I've set sail, I currently write as a I take a break from once again packing as much as possible into various suitcases to begin the next stage. It feels exciting and daunting and a little surreal. Ever the dreamer, I have played this moment over and over in my head. Each time I visited Northern Ireland, I felt myself yearning to stay there more and more. I fell in love with the people and the natural beauty, the slower pace, the storytelling and the hospitality.

After things in my job became increasingly stressful, I knew I was faced with an opportunity. This could be it. Although my job gave me some incredible experiences doing work I loved, along with extensive travel - it meant sacrificing a regular routine and in many ways the kind of roots and connections that I craved. Of course, we can't have it all ways, and that was a good and right season in my life which taught me invaluable lessons and allowed me to grow in countless ways. But as the new year came, I knew my time there was up. I said goodbye at the very end of February and went on holiday to, you've guessed it - Northern Ireland. 

It was a perfect couple of weeks filled with rest, time to myself, walks on the beach (in the rain and hail!), trips to new places and most importantly - time spent making new friendships. It confirmed everything for me - this was going to be my new 'place.' After I booked my trip, I received an email inviting me to an interview in Belfast, which I attended the first week of the trip. I was informed that I wouldn't know the outcome for a while for various reasons and what followed was a very nervous 14 day wait. I convinced myself it was not to be (I'd had an interview elsewhere and didn't get it, along with not getting shortlisted a number of times), and was preparing to enter plan B when the phone call came to say I'd been offered the job.

So that was it! The plans were set in motion, dates decided, contracts exchanged, ferry booked, it was happening. I have been advised by many that the first few weeks will require plenty of grace for myself. Of course, it isn't just a new job but a new country, new culture, new place to live, new friends, new orientation and new routine. I haven't worked in an office for over 2.5 years and was in a very small team before and this office will be ten times larger in number! I've also never worked in a city before and haven't had to 'commute' for a long time. I'm sure it will take a while to balance into a new rhythm and that will require a lot of 'going with the flow,' which can sometimes disagree with my personality. Most of all, I want to have fun, to enjoy and embrace it all - all the unknowns, differences and newness. I'm ready for long walks on the beach, finding new coffee shops and favourite spots. Building friendships and becoming familiar with it all. 

Of course, I wouldn't be in this spot without the support, love, encouragement and generosity of my dear friends and family. Stepping back out after some time in Yorkshire never gets easier but I'm so grateful that so many people are rooting for me. I never take that for granted. This all follows a difficult year in which I really had to learn to be kind to myself, and it was a lot of hard work, risk and an ounce or two of courage to get here. I am thankful for all that I have learnt so far on my Master's course and the inspiring leaders I have already met through that. I think that's really what helped me put this plan into motion. They say it takes a village - and I believe it, I couldn't be without mine! 

Love, 

S x

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On walking and peace.

A couple of years ago on one of my internet based tangents, I stumbled upon a book called 'The little book of Hygge' by Meik Wiking. Intrigued, I added it to my Christmas List and read it in one sitting. I loved every page. The concept of Hygge; cosiness, togetherness, slowing down, being present - these were all things I wanted to do more and be less 'busy.' I became obsessed with buying candles and trying to create a cosy atmosphere to invite people into. Sitting around a fire, putting on blankets, drinking hot chocolates and having slow days with people I love - it put such a different spin on what was already my favourite season (autumn) leading into what felt like a very long winter last year.

As soon as spring came, I decided it was time to put the blankets to one side and step out to enjoy the sun whilst it lasted (being classically British and pessimistic toward the weather). When the nights became longer, I started going on evening walks - just locally or in nearby parks. It became part of my rhythm and soon, part of my freedom and healing. 

Until I started walking and taking a break from screens, I didn't realise how busy my head had become. There wasn't much space for creativity or new ideas, not much silence or being in the here and now. It's funny how something so simple can be so profound. But I started to notice so much more; different trees, beautiful flowers, animals, birdsong, strangers walking their dogs, the views, the wind or the sound of silence. Walking started to bring me back to the moment and began to make way for new ideas, solutions to work problems, changes to make or things to let go. In fact, I've written this blog post in my head on just about every walk I've been on lately! 

My very good friend suggested a book she thought I might like which I decided to rent as an audiobook and I was genuinely (!) really sad when it ended. It was called Walking Home by Clare Balding (a famous sports commentator in the UK) which she narrated herself. It was such a lovely book - filled with stories about walking; the different journeys she and others had taken and how walking had in some way become quite transformative for them. Clare presented a radio show where she would go on walks with people she hadn't met before and interviewed them on the way (I still need to listen out for that!) and some of the groups were formed for specific purposes - grief or bereavement, mental health, fitness and many others.

I also read A Philosophy of Walking by Frédéric Gros which was so interesting and I discovered that I certainly am not the first person to find walking to be a healing balm. Gros said 'You don't walk to kill time but to welcome it, to pick off it's leaves and petals one by one, second by second.' Another book that ties together mindfulness and walking along with offering practical tips is Walk: The path to a slower, more mindful life by Sholto Radford.  

There has been a lot of unexpected change in my life recently and for me, walking has helped me to stay mindful - to be here, thankful for what is in front of me, appreciative of nature and my surroundings and staying grounded. It's been a season of putting one foot in front of the other, sometimes going round in circles but in small ways moving forwards, never feeling worse for stepping out the door. It's given me fresh perspective and a healthier, more peaceful mind as well as keeping my body moving and motivated. What became a way to make the most of the good weather has now become a positive part of my routine and I can feel my own strength returning to me.

I don't normally take my phone with me now, but I've managed to capture a few of the moments of beauty here: 

Feeling like a challenge; I decided to sign up to do a fundraising event for a local hospice which involves doing a 13 mile midnight walk on Saturday 8th September. I think it will be a good way to push myself whilst thinking of and doing something tangible for others and to walk alongside people who have different stories to me.

I'd love to hear any tips, any great walks you've done or how walking has helped you so please feel free to share!

Love, 

S x

(P.s. If you would like to sponsor me for the walk - follow this link - all funds will go directly to Overgate Hospice). 

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On rediscovering reading.

I've always loved reading. Being a natural born introvert, it is the perfect hobby. But after I graduated University (already a scary amount of years ago!) I lost my way with it. I'd mainly binge on holiday, where I'd pick up whatever random books people had left behind in the hotel, though it was never much of any substance but it was nice to entertain my imagination for a couple of weeks all the same.

With 2017 approaching, I decided to set resolutions (as always), the main one being to read more. I discovered Goodreads - a website packed with book recommendations, reviews and ways to share your recent reads with others. It also allows you to keep track of what you've read and set yourself reading challenges. For 2017, I started out with 20 as my goal and soon doubled it.

I asked for recommendations from my Facebook friends and set about reading a couple of those and it all sort of snowballed from there. I now have a reading list as long as my arm (and it is always growing) and I've tried to challenge myself to explore different themes and genres. I really needed to branch out from my very niche theme of cowboy fiction, so to Goodreads I went!

I visit our local library on an almost weekly basis now and am so grateful that our town thought it was important enough to invest in a new library whilst many others are closing them down. It also saves me a lot of money and shelf storage! Our library has a great section on audiobooks which have now replaced country music on my driving trips!

I tend to veer towards non-fiction; memoirs are usually the ones I can never put down and I do hang out a lot in the Faith section but I've been delving back into fiction in-between some of the heavier stuff. I thought it would be fun to share some of my favourites from recent times and as always, would welcome any other choices.


1) Bob Goff - Everybody Always (non-fiction). I admire this guy so much. I was so excited to be in the US when this book was released and purposefully made myself read this slowly so I didn't devour it in an instant. His writing is pure, humble and kind. We all have a lot to learn from him. Bob sends all the profits from his first book, Love Does (also amazing) to his non-profit (of the same name) which is doing insanely courageous work.

2) Gail Honeyman - Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine (fiction). This was a debut book and it absolutely blew me away. I have never felt such a strong connection to a character before, but there was something so genuine, heart-warming and pure about Eleanor. It was a beautiful read, one which I'm sure I'll delve into again.

3) Brené Brown - Braving the Wilderness (non-fiction). Brené writes with such convincing authority. She has walked out, wrestled with and been challenged by what she shares and asks of others. Her works are thoroughly researched and I cannot stress how needed her wisdom is. I highlighted line after line and folded over nearly every corner of this book to go back to - it is gold. 

4) Jodi Picoult - Small Great Things (fiction). This was a heavy, emotional read that was focussed on some very difficult subjects. Some of the reviews for this were mixed - but it made me think and do further research, so I think that makes it a success!

5) Shauna Niequist - Present Over Perfect (non-fiction). For me, Shauna is up there in my list of heroes (along with Bob Goff) and I told approximately anyone I've met since I read this that they too, need to read it. This book led me to do a lot of re-evaluating, deciding what is important to me and what I should dedicate my time to. I adore her poetic style and the way she walks with such integrity.

If you're interested - here is my Goodreads page; it's a great community, I hope you decide to join it too!

Love, S x

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On being less busy

Photo cred

"Sarah, I know you're busy but..."

Something triggered in me last year that made me tired of hearing those words. I didn't want that reputation anymore, that feeling of running myself ragged and filling every possible moment with purpose, purpose and more purpose. And for what? I started to crave something different, to use my time better and to add in some time for intentional rest.

I can't really say when it began, but I thought about one thing I could add in that was purely for my own enjoyment. So I decided to sign up for a Cineworld card. Oh, how I loved that card. I could go to the cinema any time I wanted, see any film multiple times and didn't have to pay anything extra. I started going once, sometimes twice a week for some 'me only' time to get lost in the moment. I saw some absolutely awful films that I am so glad I didn't pay £10 for (the card was less than £20 per month) and others which moved me so much that it took me days to snap out of it. It was simple, but it was a start. Around the same time, once I'd become settled in my Church I had made a very conscious decision not to over-commit. I said yes to singing in the band and being in a small group but not much more than that. Those were my things that I felt able to give to well, without tiring myself out and doing things because I felt obligated.

Once I started my new job, I really had to keep a hold of what I'd already put in place. The latter part of my year involves lots of conferences and travel, so it is tricky to maintain any kind of balance. In many ways, life now is much 'busier' than it has ever been and yet I feel (generally!) more at peace than ever. I have changed the way I look at my time, I think carefully about what I say yes to and ensure that rest is in there somewhere. Of course, I don't get it right all the time but I have been so aware that I am the only person responsible for how I use my time, and no-one else is to blame for my burnout. Learning about healthy boundaries and adding them to my life has been such a game-changer. For the first time, I feel like I can speak to subjects such as boundaries and self-care from a place of integrity, knowing this is something I am trying to do as I learn to love and care for myself as well as others.

Speaking from a Christian perspective, there are so many demands upon us. We are undoubtedly called to be active people; looking out for lost, hurting, suffering people. Acting out against injustice. So much needs to be done, we cannot ignore it. We feel these pulls and calls from our Church and all the things we 'should' be a part of, things we 'ought' to volunteer for and whilst those things are not bad, and I don't doubt that we must be active within our community - I really believe we have to rethink some things.

Burn-out is too high amongst our leaders. They are too stretched and cannot possibly live up to the unrealistic expectations put upon them. They are human beings with their own lives - we must get better at trusting them to use their time in the way that they feel is wisest.

Though it's all well and good me saying that I only say 'yes' to one thing, that leaves others picking up the slack. But if we all played our small part, the thing that gives us life too, it wouldn't all fall to the few and I'd bet that we'd be a little happier in our service, leading in turn to us being a more efficient body. One person cannot possibly be the equivalent of 30 body parts.

"God is more concerned with our hearts than he is with our outward compliance...We must always say yes out of a heart of love. When our motive is fear, we love not." (Cloud & Townsend)

We are free to say no and we shouldn't we feel the need to justify that. Nor should we feel manipulated into saying yes. I think it's really important that we consider why we feel we have committed to something. Are we doing it out of guilt - what if no-one else steps up? Out of fear - how will they react if I say no? Obligation - they'll expect me to do it? Reputation - what will they think of me? Worth - what am I without my actions/service? Fear?

These are important conversations, and ones I feel like we really need to be having more - especially for leaders. It is up to us as individuals to decide what we do with the precious lot we have been given and we shouldn't feel guilty for allowing space to take care of ourselves. I absolutely believe in giving our time to serve and support others and I have tried to prioritise that throughout my life. Volunteering is very important to me and I think it's something we can all make space for, even if it's a teeny commitment. An hour a month can change someone's life.

"Wisdom makes decisions today that will still be good tomorrow." Lysa Terkuerst

You are passionate about specific things for a reason - go do something with it! And if you are involved in too much - take something out! Think of something you can add in for you! When I am able to be routined (as in physically in one place for the bulk of the week) I am quite strict with my time. I try to make sure I exercise, cook healthy food, read, rest, see friends & family, host, travel and have quiet nights on the sofa. My work is my ministry and I have to manage that well so it doesn't take over my life. We can't give from empty - that just brings all sorts of resentment. I've tried to view my time in the same way as I view my financial budgets - what could be the impact later down the line if I say yes to this? What will I have to sacrifice next month if I do this now? Do I have the reserves to be involved in this? Is it going to be better for me later this week if I just stay in tonight? [Some people say I think too much, I disagree. Not really...I'm working on it 😉]

Below are a few books that have really inspired my thoughts and actions around this subject. My hope is that we will become less 'busy' and frantic in our mind sets, but instead we manage our time wisely so that we are able to give well to the things that are meaningful and life giving for us.

 

Boundaries 

The Best Yes

                                                                                             

Present Over Perfect

[I was recently asked to represent my workplace in doing a radio interview on this subject. If you want to listen to a clip of it follow this link]

Love,

S x

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